Stay the course

When I was a teenager I pushed the envelope that's for sure. My parents set clear boundaries for me, but I was in truth a tad bit rebellious. I was an only child but believe me I wasn't as spoiled as one might believe. But I was head strong and determined to experience life. That said, when I was defiant and disobeyed the rules I was more than willing to take whatever consequences came my way. I missed many a school dance or sporting event because of my groundings. My parents never left me off early; though I did do some begging and pleading they stuck to their guns.

As a parent I was not very good at that - sticking to my guns. As a child my daughter was so well behaved. It wasn't very often that she needed a time out, or punishment of any kind. Of course the teenage years proved to be a very different story and I for one was not very well prepared. Looking back - one of my worst parental offense was the inability to stay the course with the consequences set forth from her "defiance". I strongly urge all parents, regardless of the age of your child to take this to heart. It is one of the most important lessons you can learn. The earlier you learn it, the better of everyone in your family will be.

In our particular situation I always began to feel sorry for Ang when she was in trouble. I know that I spent most of my life trying to make up for the pain of her young life and the voids that were left in the wake of others dirty deeds. That was my rationale. As good as my intentions may have been, the back lash was devastating. She did not learn to respect my authority and I often let her run rough shot over me. I urge you to consider your specific situation and rectify where necessary.

When consequences are rendered they need to be followed to the letter. Clearly define the consequence and course of action so that everyone has a true understanding of what is expected and stay the course. No matter what. No time off for good behavior. No giving in when you see they are bored or sad or angry. Guess what they are going to be bored, sad and angry. Punishment is not supposed to be fun. It is suppose to be a deterrent from repeating the unacceptable behavior. I guarantee, if you lose your backbone your child will use it to their advantage in the future. The media is constantly showing our youth how to scheme. While we are trying to teach responsibility, respect and good values our youth are hearing vulgarity, disrespect for authority and seeing violence as entertainment.

Drug and alcohol use in teens continues to climb. Our youth are experimenting earlier than ever with drugs, alcohol and sex. They are spending their time texting, instead of learning how to truly communicate with each other. Without strong boundaries, clear expectation and the willingness of parents to stay the course with the consequences of improper behavior it only further solidifies to our youth that more and more we live in a society where "anything goes". Is that what you want for your children?

Stay the course folks... take back your family...your children will respect you for lessons you teach them... after they get through the "I hate you for ruining my life" stage.

God Bless

Discipline vs. Punishment

Often times as parents we use the words discipline and punishment interchangeably. I'd prefer to think of the two like this:

Discipline is the guidelines and set of expectations you set forth for your young ones

Punishment is the consequences of non adherence to this set of guidelines

Simple? Sounds simple... it is simple yet ever so difficult. Far be it from me to tell you this is a simplistic look at parenting. I made so many mistakes as a parent, however... I learned heartbreaking lessons that I share with you all in hopes of tempering your desire to let things ride verses nipping them in the bud.

Children need to be told up front and with authority what is expected of them. They need to have a clear understanding of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. To us it may seem ridiculous to have to tell them that all drugs are off limits. But they need to hear it from YOU. Not just the school, not just the TV from YOU. It is your job as a parent to inform your children of this dangerous situations that can ruin their lives or take them. Just as you explain to them what you expect from them in terms of household responsibilities, school work, etc... they need to know all of peripheral issues as well, drug, sex, honor, honesty...

Outlining your guidelines and rules is the first step. The second step is letting them know clearly the consequences to breaking the rules. I had no problem with setting the guidelines... I had problems with sticking to the punishment "plans". Apply consequences to your young ones is not mean... it does not make you a horrible parent although they will probably bring that to your attention rather quickly... you do them more harm by NOT applying the consequences. If they see you crumble or disagree with a level of punishment...you are in for the ride of your life. They won't forget and they will play you like a fiddle moving forward. Again, been there... done that. They need to be ready for the grown up world and the early they understand that there will always be rules to follow the better.

Drugs kill folks... this is not kindergarten stuff... once our young ones start playing with drugs and alcohol on any level they have hit the big leagues ready or not. They have crossed the line from childhood into a dangerous... very grown up world. Get them ready to understand that... let them know... hold your ground and take back your family.

Blessings...