Birthdays-Loss & Family

Today is my 47th birthday. I don't care about my age, growing older doesn't bother me at all. Although I must admit I never thought I ever be 47. No one ever thinks like that when they are a teenager. We never see older age coming...

This is the third birthday without Angela, my darling precious baby girl. Heroin took her from me, all her pain drove her to seek the ultimate forget-about-it-all-and-never-deal-with-it drug. I watched her try and try... I spent years seeing her sober, clean, working, loving, laughing and at any moment the dragon would rear it's ugly head and she'd be lost to us again. Her tears mixed with mine... and all that love her flowing like a waterfall without any beauty - only fear - fear of the inevitable... and yes it came. It came calling one beautiful, sunny September morning that in an instant began the darkest day in my life. A day I remember, relive and speak about over and over again to all the young people that will listen.

So here I am, awaiting the arrival of what is left of the family I love so much. Not feeling at all like celebrating... we all aren't together...sitting around the dining room table. How I long to see her smile... but she is with me always in my heart and in the memories we shared for 22 years. I miss her, dear God I miss her so very much. The light of my life, I love her so!!!!

If only it would really sink in to drug users how they hurt the ones they love. I know they don't do it intentionally... that's not their objective... yet we love them so we hurt... we hurt ever so badly... and when they are gone their pain ends, the Lord heals them that believe, which my Angela did... he heals them... we are left to deal with our pain until the day He calls us home as well. Dear God keep giving me strength.

Blessings

Birthdays and bashes

Yesterday would have been my daughter Angela's 24th birthday. I found myself laying in bed with one of my dogs at 5:13 am singing Happy Birthday to her. It was a tradition in our home to sing happy birthday to each other at our birth time... she didn't appreciate it too much when she was a teenager. But as a young child and then as a young woman she loved it. Special times, special memories, all tied in with unbelievable pain. I miss her more than words can say.

It's in these moments that the mission and vision for BrokenButLoved is even further ingrained in my heart. God voice speaking softly to me... stop the insanity Rose... reach out, touch as many as you can... drugs and alcohol are killing our future.

Lancaster city has been plagued with an rash of violent deaths over the last several weeks. Shootings, stabbings... deaths... over drugs... over gang "grudges" and our city residence are angry and upset. The sad part is they are voicing their angry, much which borderlines on hatred towards the "gangster" as they call them population. I understand their frustration but what I don't understand is this "hatred". Jesus teaches us a different way and it's time this country of our got back to our roots and remembered a different way to lives. Instead of spewing out angry words, name calling... etc. perhaps, just perhaps much more could be accomplished by putting that unproductive energy into volunteering to make a positive impact on our city.

Productivity and positive influence and reinforcement is what these struggling young people need. They need to see the light of Jesus in our eyes, in our voices, in our hearts... we need to listen... to teach... it's the only way.

Blessings,
Rose