May 15th is a very special day for BrokenButLoved. It is our first annual teen substance abuse awareness event and prayer vigil. This event is being held in Lancaster Square, Lancaster, PA across from Binn's Park from 5-7:30 pm. With the help of Christian rock band Thur Me, numerous speakers and a slew of volunteers we seek to spread Christ's love through music, speakers and prayer. We are losing teens every day to drug/alcohol use and it is up to each of us to take back our family unit - bring the focus back on family, faith and love. If you are in the area please stop by and support this very important cause. What could possibly be more important than our families, our community, our children?
Parents come out and bring your tweens and teens.... this is a free event... for all ages.
Visit our website www.brokenbutloved.org... find us on Facebook and Twitter...
Blessings
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Prom Time
Yes prom time is upon us. So much preparation, the right dress, the right shoes, make sure we get our hair done just right.. and guys have to have the right "ride" and or course the corsage. Parents are usually involved in the whole preparation process with the exception of who our teen is actually going to the prom with this year. They manage that process all own their own. If you don't know your teens date then find out who they are... do some detective work folks it is important to know who your teen is spending this evening with...
Now I present to you for your consideration how much time as a parent have you put into communicating a message of safety and good choice to your teen prior to this big event. Have you broached the subject of alcohol, drugs and sex? If you haven't you need to... right away. It is imperative that your teen understand that just because this is a big event in their life doesn't mean all the rules fly out the window. They aren't being given a 'get out of jail free' card to do whatever they want to just because it's prom time. Right and wrong still exist... legal and illegal still exist... and peer pressure may be even greater during this season of festivities. What are you instilling into your young ones? Are you renting the limo "just in case"? There shouldn't be a just in case scenario. It is amazing to me how many limo driver's "allow" drinking etc. in their limo's when they know darn well the kids are under age. Once again we see other turning a blind eye... I ask what does that say to the young people of this country?
Parent sit them down and let them know what your expectation are and how they must be responsible. Some of these young ones are getting ready to take their first steps into the real world in a month or so. They have to understand the importance of making the right choices when presented with behaviors that will compromise their futures. Standing strong against the crowd is brutal no doubt. But it's time for them to decide who they are... who they desire to be moving forward. One night of abandon could end tragically. This is no time to get wimpy parents... no time to let it be ok "just this once"... " kids will be kids"... "okay, just this once because it's the prom"... please don't take that stance. Take it once and your teen will remember it I assure you. They will remember the one time mom and dad said we'll let it slide and they will push the envelope at a later date.
Pray for the children my friends... pray for a safe prom season... pray over your child... give them the tools they need to make the right choices. God has so much for them to do, they are growing into the adults of the future. Send them forth with the right attitude, the right confidence in who they are...help them make the best possible decisions.
Blessings
Now I present to you for your consideration how much time as a parent have you put into communicating a message of safety and good choice to your teen prior to this big event. Have you broached the subject of alcohol, drugs and sex? If you haven't you need to... right away. It is imperative that your teen understand that just because this is a big event in their life doesn't mean all the rules fly out the window. They aren't being given a 'get out of jail free' card to do whatever they want to just because it's prom time. Right and wrong still exist... legal and illegal still exist... and peer pressure may be even greater during this season of festivities. What are you instilling into your young ones? Are you renting the limo "just in case"? There shouldn't be a just in case scenario. It is amazing to me how many limo driver's "allow" drinking etc. in their limo's when they know darn well the kids are under age. Once again we see other turning a blind eye... I ask what does that say to the young people of this country?
Parent sit them down and let them know what your expectation are and how they must be responsible. Some of these young ones are getting ready to take their first steps into the real world in a month or so. They have to understand the importance of making the right choices when presented with behaviors that will compromise their futures. Standing strong against the crowd is brutal no doubt. But it's time for them to decide who they are... who they desire to be moving forward. One night of abandon could end tragically. This is no time to get wimpy parents... no time to let it be ok "just this once"... " kids will be kids"... "okay, just this once because it's the prom"... please don't take that stance. Take it once and your teen will remember it I assure you. They will remember the one time mom and dad said we'll let it slide and they will push the envelope at a later date.
Pray for the children my friends... pray for a safe prom season... pray over your child... give them the tools they need to make the right choices. God has so much for them to do, they are growing into the adults of the future. Send them forth with the right attitude, the right confidence in who they are...help them make the best possible decisions.
Blessings
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
One Size Part 2
Let me say again for the record that AA/NA are great programs! Folks have a lot of success utilizing the 12 steps. The majority of outpatient and inpatient rehabs use the AA/NA steps for helping addicts get into recovery. Great rehabs out there as well. Angela spent time in numerous rehab programs, the problem was she wasn't ready to stop using drugs. During the tender teen years I was not surprised by that... even though we all wanted her to "recover" teens think they are indestructible.
One of the main issues she had when she returned to the real world was finding AA/NA groups that had other teens attending on a regular basis. She had a hard enough time being around other teens let alone going to meetings where for the most part she was the only teen in the group. Unfortunately, meeting attendance for her became a horrible issue and she flatly refused to attend. Of course part of her issue with the "meetings" were the accountability factor... she hated that part. But I must also state that couple that aspect along with her mental health and self esteem issues, I understand why it was so torturous for her.
That's one of the reason that I want to see BrokenButLoved be able to start teen meetings only... where teens can deal with their special issues and feel more comfortable addressing their drug use. This is something that I am currently working towards. Bringing teens into an environment where they feel more secure, with their own age group... I see that as a great resource.
See - not every addict responds to one single course of treatment for addiction. There is no cookie cutter stamped program. I have gone rounds with some counselors when I made mention of that... they don't want to hear such things. But folks it's true... some youth respond differently than others... some learn differently than others... why wouldn't it stand to reason that not all kids will respond positively to only a 12 step program. The 12 steps are awesome and necessary... but it's a lot for a teenager to take in... to process and then to apply.
Angela knew the 12 steps backward and forward... but could not... or would not apply them. Recovery from drug addiction is very difficult... but possible. It takes time... and effort... teens and effort... well sometimes those two words do not go together... especially when they consider themselves invincible.
No perfect program... but many great ones... when treating a teen bringing the very best of many programs may just be the best solution. Never give up... Love them... forgive them... hold them accountable... talk...talk...talk.
Blessings
One of the main issues she had when she returned to the real world was finding AA/NA groups that had other teens attending on a regular basis. She had a hard enough time being around other teens let alone going to meetings where for the most part she was the only teen in the group. Unfortunately, meeting attendance for her became a horrible issue and she flatly refused to attend. Of course part of her issue with the "meetings" were the accountability factor... she hated that part. But I must also state that couple that aspect along with her mental health and self esteem issues, I understand why it was so torturous for her.
That's one of the reason that I want to see BrokenButLoved be able to start teen meetings only... where teens can deal with their special issues and feel more comfortable addressing their drug use. This is something that I am currently working towards. Bringing teens into an environment where they feel more secure, with their own age group... I see that as a great resource.
See - not every addict responds to one single course of treatment for addiction. There is no cookie cutter stamped program. I have gone rounds with some counselors when I made mention of that... they don't want to hear such things. But folks it's true... some youth respond differently than others... some learn differently than others... why wouldn't it stand to reason that not all kids will respond positively to only a 12 step program. The 12 steps are awesome and necessary... but it's a lot for a teenager to take in... to process and then to apply.
Angela knew the 12 steps backward and forward... but could not... or would not apply them. Recovery from drug addiction is very difficult... but possible. It takes time... and effort... teens and effort... well sometimes those two words do not go together... especially when they consider themselves invincible.
No perfect program... but many great ones... when treating a teen bringing the very best of many programs may just be the best solution. Never give up... Love them... forgive them... hold them accountable... talk...talk...talk.
Blessings
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
One size? Part 1
It would be so nice if drug addiction recovery had one single solution. Unfortunately, in my opinion and experience there is no "cookie cutter solution" available. It simply is not a one size fits all world. The same goes for those suffering from drug addiction and looking for a way out, looking for a rehab program that is going to cure all their ills. The truth be told there just isn't "one perfect program" that works for everybody.
I find that tweens/teens/young twenty-somethings have all types of other things going on with them that many adult addicts no longer deal with... peer pressure, parental pressure, hormones etc. This particular group needs even more special attention. They haven't found their "voice" yet. They are still in the early stages of seeking to find out where they belong. They've already thrown drug/alcohol abuse in to the mix so their waters are even more muddied than they should be. So, is there a perfect rehab program for our younger generation?
AA/NA are great programs please don't think I am stating otherwise. The only issue I take with these programs is the "God as you know him" or "you higher power". I am not sure how you feel, when it comes to our young ones giving them the option to define for themselves God as you know him or a higher power is dangerous business. It's hard enough for adults to make that definition. Our young bucks... well imagine how them might choose their God to be defined? Imagine how leaninet God might be with them? Now... if you teach them about God, about Jesus, about the Holy Spirit and why and how they are connected and influence our lives... well then you actually lay a foundation for their spiritual growth. You help them truly define and understand God... or at least begin to understand. Only through their own personal walk will they truly attain God's grace and how it helps with recovery.
Tomorrow I will continue this thought process... until then
Blessings
I find that tweens/teens/young twenty-somethings have all types of other things going on with them that many adult addicts no longer deal with... peer pressure, parental pressure, hormones etc. This particular group needs even more special attention. They haven't found their "voice" yet. They are still in the early stages of seeking to find out where they belong. They've already thrown drug/alcohol abuse in to the mix so their waters are even more muddied than they should be. So, is there a perfect rehab program for our younger generation?
AA/NA are great programs please don't think I am stating otherwise. The only issue I take with these programs is the "God as you know him" or "you higher power". I am not sure how you feel, when it comes to our young ones giving them the option to define for themselves God as you know him or a higher power is dangerous business. It's hard enough for adults to make that definition. Our young bucks... well imagine how them might choose their God to be defined? Imagine how leaninet God might be with them? Now... if you teach them about God, about Jesus, about the Holy Spirit and why and how they are connected and influence our lives... well then you actually lay a foundation for their spiritual growth. You help them truly define and understand God... or at least begin to understand. Only through their own personal walk will they truly attain God's grace and how it helps with recovery.
Tomorrow I will continue this thought process... until then
Blessings
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Never Rest
Sunday is my day to rest, glorify the Lord and just spend time "being". Life right now is so different than 3+ years ago. The drug drama in our life has ceased to be... along with our daughter. Drug use/addiction never takes a Sabbath... never takes a holiday. For those caught in the web of drug use every day is a marathon... energy must be spent to find the drugs needed, figure how to pay for them, acquire the drugs, get high and than if necessary cover up the drug use... a vicious cycle.
When Ang was active in her heroin addiction she was often "missing" for long periods of time. She was with her friends chasing the high - it was a full time job. The hell of not knowing where she was, how she was is a feeling I will never be able to shake. It is forever embedded in my memory. But the reality of drug use/addiction is that the drug is needed... needed... a must have right now "kind of need". There is no rest for the spirit... even for those who know the Lord forget to whom they belong... they rest for no one... imagine if you can what your life would be like if you were caught in such a demanding cycle of destruction.
This cycle becomes the addict...
Enemy - by Angela Faus
Fighting with an enemy,
That's not even on my level,
The painful lust,
I carry still,
The blessed light,
I bury,
I watch the hands,
Commit the crimes,
And how fast they deny it,
And the aftershock,
As it returns,
The chaos of each day,
It's no longer quite as painful,
To just turn my head away,
The losses I've won,
The time that I'm losing,
A wasted life,
A hopeless fear,
It knows I won't deny it,
The pain it caused,
The childhood I lost,
The memories slowly fading,
I cherish my pain,
As I cherish my loss,
And as I cherish the time left remaining.
When Ang was active in her heroin addiction she was often "missing" for long periods of time. She was with her friends chasing the high - it was a full time job. The hell of not knowing where she was, how she was is a feeling I will never be able to shake. It is forever embedded in my memory. But the reality of drug use/addiction is that the drug is needed... needed... a must have right now "kind of need". There is no rest for the spirit... even for those who know the Lord forget to whom they belong... they rest for no one... imagine if you can what your life would be like if you were caught in such a demanding cycle of destruction.
This cycle becomes the addict...
Enemy - by Angela Faus
Fighting with an enemy,
That's not even on my level,
The painful lust,
I carry still,
The blessed light,
I bury,
I watch the hands,
Commit the crimes,
And how fast they deny it,
And the aftershock,
As it returns,
The chaos of each day,
It's no longer quite as painful,
To just turn my head away,
The losses I've won,
The time that I'm losing,
A wasted life,
A hopeless fear,
It knows I won't deny it,
The pain it caused,
The childhood I lost,
The memories slowly fading,
I cherish my pain,
As I cherish my loss,
And as I cherish the time left remaining.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Just one more nite
As I prepared for lights out my heart is a bit heavy. Earlier today I heard a parent saying to their young one some derogatory remarks that left me cold. I'm sure the young one was hurt by the remarks that made mention to a time when life was sweeter without them and much, much easier as well.
Of course the teenage mind pretends not to be affected by such rude and insensitive statements. The teenage posture is one of 'I'm tough - your words can't and don't hurt me' and yet inside... I imagine the shattering of fine crystal as their hearts and spirits are very fragile... we adults forget that because their exterior seems so impenetrable.
Parents... no matter what your child is going through, no matter how angry you might be right now, no matter what you should stop right now and thank God for them. Look around and count your blessings. If there is struggle in your life right now be thankful you are still breathing and ask God to help you in your situation. Pray for your children... pray for children every where. Tell your child(ren) you love them... love them... hug them... tousle their hair... make them smile... maybe even giggle... fill the house with the sweet laughter of childhood even if it is just for a moment... then the moment is gone. Some moments happen and then there is nothing.
There are no more tears to comfort... there are no more meetings to attend,, no more lectures to give... no more giggles... no more smiles... love them please... forgive them always...
What I wouldn't give for one more night with Angie... when more talk...hug... smile... tear... I Love You...
Blessings...thank you Lord for giving me 22 years with my baby girl
Of course the teenage mind pretends not to be affected by such rude and insensitive statements. The teenage posture is one of 'I'm tough - your words can't and don't hurt me' and yet inside... I imagine the shattering of fine crystal as their hearts and spirits are very fragile... we adults forget that because their exterior seems so impenetrable.
Parents... no matter what your child is going through, no matter how angry you might be right now, no matter what you should stop right now and thank God for them. Look around and count your blessings. If there is struggle in your life right now be thankful you are still breathing and ask God to help you in your situation. Pray for your children... pray for children every where. Tell your child(ren) you love them... love them... hug them... tousle their hair... make them smile... maybe even giggle... fill the house with the sweet laughter of childhood even if it is just for a moment... then the moment is gone. Some moments happen and then there is nothing.
There are no more tears to comfort... there are no more meetings to attend,, no more lectures to give... no more giggles... no more smiles... love them please... forgive them always...
What I wouldn't give for one more night with Angie... when more talk...hug... smile... tear... I Love You...
Blessings...thank you Lord for giving me 22 years with my baby girl
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
All that glitters
Angela liked things that sparkled. Anything that sparkled fascinated her from the time she was very small. Many parents out there have held a little one who was hypnotized with shining dangling ear rings, reaching out for them, grabbing on tightly whenever possible... Angela was no different... as she grew she her love for the sparkly things of life grew... glitter... glitter every where. Glitter for projects, glitter nail polish, glitter eye shadow... glittery dresses...how I miss those days.
One day her love for all that glittered was replaced with a sign on her door that said "All that glitters is NOT gold"... from that point on glitter lost its shine during the periods of her life when the lights went out and as heroin ruled the days and nights... as it extinguished what little light was left in my glitter gal... The crushing blow of drug use in our children deflates our own spirits... snuffs out the light within us. Relighting that flame feels impossible for the most part, but we continue the best we can, using our flashlights and wondering through the darkness looking for a way to save our child from the grips of drug use. There ought to be a parental safety switch right??? An emergency button we activate during worse case scenario's... and yet there is no such device. We are on our own.
How do you save someone who does not want to be saved... even if that someone is your child? You can't, plain and simply put, they have to want to save themselves. Now I am not saying that as parents we can't do every thing we possibly can to establish a process for healing. Yes, that we can do. We can establish boundaries, consequences to inappropriate actions and activities... that we can do... or at least attempt to do. Most importantly though, in my humble opinion is being fully present with them while they are struggling... help them learn how to process life and all that is happening to them. Love them, teach them... forgive them... so that when they are ready they know you are there for them. For most parents this process is long and excruciating... and patience wears thin... I get that, I totally understand, but do your very best to hang on even when you feel like throwing your hands in the air and saying "forget it...I'm done... you're on your own". When you feel like that pray... ask God to give you strength... re-assess the situation, regain your composure and keep going.
Remember... there is a great deal going on inside your young one right now... things you can't possibly know or even understand. Looking back...reading Angela's writings shed a great deal of light on those things... the places I couldn't reach...I am sharing one of her writing with you all...
Seven ~Angela M. Faus~
I don't hate you for what you are,
but for what you represent.
The happiness in your eyes,
isn't a lie,
the life that flows from you,
makes me want to cry.
because you're everything I want to be.
Somethings we as parents will never understand... I must go now and cry... I still do that you know... cry for yesterday... cry for all the tomorrows that will never come... cry for all those kids I can't reach and for all the parents I can't help.
Blessings
One day her love for all that glittered was replaced with a sign on her door that said "All that glitters is NOT gold"... from that point on glitter lost its shine during the periods of her life when the lights went out and as heroin ruled the days and nights... as it extinguished what little light was left in my glitter gal... The crushing blow of drug use in our children deflates our own spirits... snuffs out the light within us. Relighting that flame feels impossible for the most part, but we continue the best we can, using our flashlights and wondering through the darkness looking for a way to save our child from the grips of drug use. There ought to be a parental safety switch right??? An emergency button we activate during worse case scenario's... and yet there is no such device. We are on our own.
How do you save someone who does not want to be saved... even if that someone is your child? You can't, plain and simply put, they have to want to save themselves. Now I am not saying that as parents we can't do every thing we possibly can to establish a process for healing. Yes, that we can do. We can establish boundaries, consequences to inappropriate actions and activities... that we can do... or at least attempt to do. Most importantly though, in my humble opinion is being fully present with them while they are struggling... help them learn how to process life and all that is happening to them. Love them, teach them... forgive them... so that when they are ready they know you are there for them. For most parents this process is long and excruciating... and patience wears thin... I get that, I totally understand, but do your very best to hang on even when you feel like throwing your hands in the air and saying "forget it...I'm done... you're on your own". When you feel like that pray... ask God to give you strength... re-assess the situation, regain your composure and keep going.
Remember... there is a great deal going on inside your young one right now... things you can't possibly know or even understand. Looking back...reading Angela's writings shed a great deal of light on those things... the places I couldn't reach...I am sharing one of her writing with you all...
Seven ~Angela M. Faus~
I don't hate you for what you are,
but for what you represent.
The happiness in your eyes,
isn't a lie,
the life that flows from you,
makes me want to cry.
because you're everything I want to be.
Somethings we as parents will never understand... I must go now and cry... I still do that you know... cry for yesterday... cry for all the tomorrows that will never come... cry for all those kids I can't reach and for all the parents I can't help.
Blessings
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