My heart cries out to the Lord what I can do to help these precious children see that their addiction is leading them to an early grave. The tears I have shed and will continue to shed go uncounted. Each and every day I am on my knees in prayer for these lost young ones who can’t seem to break the chains of their addictions. It’s not that I don’t understand why they can’t because I do get it. The majority of folks out there feel as if the road to narcotic addition recovery should be a fairly or moderately easy road to travel. All you have to do is just say no and stay away from those that say yes. As our young ones say on Facebook Pfffff… ahhh no it’s nowhere near that simple. As a matter of fact addicts live within their own private prison, chained to a need both physically and emotionally and their soul bleeds and cries out please make it stop.
Most of us can’t even begin to imagine a need so ferrous that we will did whatever it takes to fulfill that need. It’s nothing personal but addicts will steal from their own loved ones, prostitute themselves and rob a stranger blind in order to stop the pain of withdrawal or revisit the high they need in order to function. It is such a heartbreaking situation. In their eyes they have no choice, it really isn’t about hurting those they love, it’s all about taming this horrendous monster that lives inside of them. All too often the more times they try and fail to find recovery, the more they perceive themselves as failures unworthy of ever having a happy, sober life.
When addiction begins early in life, say the teenage years there is a different dynamic involved then when addiction begins in the adult stage of life. Adult’s addicts should for all intents and purposes have acquired a descent set of coping skills. These young ones lack those skills on a monumental level. This issue in and of itself makes recovery more of a challenge. I see it time and time again, these broken children in pieces trying to figure out how to become whole again, only to find they are clueless on how to make it a reality. Intellectually they know how, but there is a huge gap between the knowledge of how to get sober and the ability to put that knowledge into action. Ahhh, there’s the rub folks, knowledge into action…
How I wish I had the answers, sadly I do not. So I just keep praying and loving…
Showing posts with label Lord. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lord. Show all posts
Monday, April 2, 2012
Friday, August 19, 2011
Beyond the Purple Door - Listen,Love, Pray
Last weekend BrokenButLoved was blessed to have a presence at the Purple Door Festival in Lebanon, PA. Already knowing the awesome bands that would be present made the preparation exciting, even though there was a great deal to pull together. I know that both Kimmi (my awesome, loving BBL supporter) and I had our own set of expectations as we ventured north to Lebanon, but I know that even in our wildest imaginations what we experienced there was in truth much, much more then our human brains could have created on our own.
Finding ourselves located in the barn stalls of the Expo Center definitely wasn't what we expected and yet we both knew it really wasn't about us or about dusty location where we were situated. Setting up our "booth" the anticipation was electric and there was a "knowing", a "sensing" that amazing events were about to take place and that God had brought us there, together for His purpose... His will be done!!! Yeppers, it was going to be an awesome day and a half... no doubt about it.
How can I even begin to explain it all. I can't, I don't know that as I attempt to bring it to life on "paper" I will be able to do it justice = but I shall try. The music was varied in style and was rockin'. How cool is it to be doing what you love to do and also find yourself being inspired and entertained by great musician's as well? But, in truth it is what was beyond the Purple Door that made the experience such a blessing... truly... touching every fiber of my being... stretching my heartstrings until they felt they would break. Kimmi and I were given a glimpse beyond the Door... I'm not sure there were many others there that had that privilege. I thank the Lord that we were able to see passed the veil of the music and into the lives of some beautiful, amazing people... God's children... and yes my friends we are all broken in one way or another.
The kids... wow... the kids of all ages... how very cool it was to meet so many great young people. Watching them, seeing their eyes dances as they interacted with one another. Listening... carefully... fully... to them and explaining what BrokenButLoved is all about... our mission...our passion. Talking to them about Angela, her struggles with drugs, with life... her death... our loss, all the while watching their faces, their reactions... that alone continually throughout the day renewed my faith in the caring hearts of a rising generation.
Groups and groups of youth coming and going and coming back again. Each time they would return our conversations intensified and deepened until many were sharing intimate details of their lives and their own pain. Oh how I could feel the power of God's Holy Spirit falling down around us as we listened, talked, prayed and loved... giving what we could of ourselves to them... sharing with them Christ's love, mercy and grace. How much more blessed could I feel? The Lord was allowing me, allowing us the privilege of touching these young hearts, their lives if even for a short period of time. I will never forget that feeling, ever. So many young hearts need so desperately to have someone listen to them, love them and pray for them, with them. Even within our little groups there were those who would minister to each other. People do you hear me???? Youth sharing with each other... encouraging, loving... dreaming... man I gotta tell you it was AMAZING!!!!!!
Of course we also had a blast with these young folks. Their smiles were captivating and their laughter contagious... we made friends... many, many friends and with each new life that entered into mine my heart would leap with joy. Just as my heartstrings were stretched to their limits throughout the festival, so did they also play the most beautiful music. Gentle, flowing melodies that only I could hear. That's okay though, because just like each young soul that I danced with at Purple Door... I shall never forget it or them... it is all forever etched in my spirit. Thank you Lord... thank you!
Tomorrow... the adults of Purple Door...
Finding ourselves located in the barn stalls of the Expo Center definitely wasn't what we expected and yet we both knew it really wasn't about us or about dusty location where we were situated. Setting up our "booth" the anticipation was electric and there was a "knowing", a "sensing" that amazing events were about to take place and that God had brought us there, together for His purpose... His will be done!!! Yeppers, it was going to be an awesome day and a half... no doubt about it.
How can I even begin to explain it all. I can't, I don't know that as I attempt to bring it to life on "paper" I will be able to do it justice = but I shall try. The music was varied in style and was rockin'. How cool is it to be doing what you love to do and also find yourself being inspired and entertained by great musician's as well? But, in truth it is what was beyond the Purple Door that made the experience such a blessing... truly... touching every fiber of my being... stretching my heartstrings until they felt they would break. Kimmi and I were given a glimpse beyond the Door... I'm not sure there were many others there that had that privilege. I thank the Lord that we were able to see passed the veil of the music and into the lives of some beautiful, amazing people... God's children... and yes my friends we are all broken in one way or another.
The kids... wow... the kids of all ages... how very cool it was to meet so many great young people. Watching them, seeing their eyes dances as they interacted with one another. Listening... carefully... fully... to them and explaining what BrokenButLoved is all about... our mission...our passion. Talking to them about Angela, her struggles with drugs, with life... her death... our loss, all the while watching their faces, their reactions... that alone continually throughout the day renewed my faith in the caring hearts of a rising generation.
Groups and groups of youth coming and going and coming back again. Each time they would return our conversations intensified and deepened until many were sharing intimate details of their lives and their own pain. Oh how I could feel the power of God's Holy Spirit falling down around us as we listened, talked, prayed and loved... giving what we could of ourselves to them... sharing with them Christ's love, mercy and grace. How much more blessed could I feel? The Lord was allowing me, allowing us the privilege of touching these young hearts, their lives if even for a short period of time. I will never forget that feeling, ever. So many young hearts need so desperately to have someone listen to them, love them and pray for them, with them. Even within our little groups there were those who would minister to each other. People do you hear me???? Youth sharing with each other... encouraging, loving... dreaming... man I gotta tell you it was AMAZING!!!!!!
Of course we also had a blast with these young folks. Their smiles were captivating and their laughter contagious... we made friends... many, many friends and with each new life that entered into mine my heart would leap with joy. Just as my heartstrings were stretched to their limits throughout the festival, so did they also play the most beautiful music. Gentle, flowing melodies that only I could hear. That's okay though, because just like each young soul that I danced with at Purple Door... I shall never forget it or them... it is all forever etched in my spirit. Thank you Lord... thank you!
Tomorrow... the adults of Purple Door...
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Missing Piece
It is so very frustrating when a young one is stuck in an impossible living situation when they are trying to stay sober. Our system is not set up to deal with the in between situations that arise when a young addict does not deserve a lock-down environment and their current home life is not conducive to a positive recovery outcome. Many young people find themselves between a rock and a hard place when those that love them the most are entangled in issues that create torment and drama on a continual basis. This is not to say that the family doesn't love or support the addict themselves... the majority of the time they do... love them and want success for them. However, what happens to this struggling young one when they find themselves in this an atmosphere of adult issues that leave them urning for their drug of choice... simply to escape what they can not change and can not reconcile for themselves?
In order for an addict of any age to succeed in their recovery, they need to be in a positive, nurturing environment. One with clear boundaries of acceptable behavior, consequences and compassion. If they are constantly swept up, even on the peripheral in the drama and pain of others they are not free to work on the very reasons they turn to drugs in the first place. Where does that leave them? Hopelessly lost I am afraid. We are not set up to foster this lost group... it's either rehab or detention. If home isn't working... it's lock down... or yet another stint in rehab. Are either one truly appropriate for one that has been through the rehab program and desires recovery but finds themselves continually seeking refuge from the reality of their current situation. It seems to me that there should be something in between... a half way house of sorts where they are free to work on themselves... visit with their loved ones away from the eye of the storm. Able to love and be loved with out the drama...sadly... there is no such an animal available for those under the age of 18.
Perhaps we are missing a very important piece of the recovery process from our young ones. I will seek the Lord in prayer and hope that we find a way to stand in the gap for the struggling teen addict perhaps BrokenButLoved can be part of the solution.
Blessings
In order for an addict of any age to succeed in their recovery, they need to be in a positive, nurturing environment. One with clear boundaries of acceptable behavior, consequences and compassion. If they are constantly swept up, even on the peripheral in the drama and pain of others they are not free to work on the very reasons they turn to drugs in the first place. Where does that leave them? Hopelessly lost I am afraid. We are not set up to foster this lost group... it's either rehab or detention. If home isn't working... it's lock down... or yet another stint in rehab. Are either one truly appropriate for one that has been through the rehab program and desires recovery but finds themselves continually seeking refuge from the reality of their current situation. It seems to me that there should be something in between... a half way house of sorts where they are free to work on themselves... visit with their loved ones away from the eye of the storm. Able to love and be loved with out the drama...sadly... there is no such an animal available for those under the age of 18.
Perhaps we are missing a very important piece of the recovery process from our young ones. I will seek the Lord in prayer and hope that we find a way to stand in the gap for the struggling teen addict perhaps BrokenButLoved can be part of the solution.
Blessings
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Never Rest
Sunday is my day to rest, glorify the Lord and just spend time "being". Life right now is so different than 3+ years ago. The drug drama in our life has ceased to be... along with our daughter. Drug use/addiction never takes a Sabbath... never takes a holiday. For those caught in the web of drug use every day is a marathon... energy must be spent to find the drugs needed, figure how to pay for them, acquire the drugs, get high and than if necessary cover up the drug use... a vicious cycle.
When Ang was active in her heroin addiction she was often "missing" for long periods of time. She was with her friends chasing the high - it was a full time job. The hell of not knowing where she was, how she was is a feeling I will never be able to shake. It is forever embedded in my memory. But the reality of drug use/addiction is that the drug is needed... needed... a must have right now "kind of need". There is no rest for the spirit... even for those who know the Lord forget to whom they belong... they rest for no one... imagine if you can what your life would be like if you were caught in such a demanding cycle of destruction.
This cycle becomes the addict...
Enemy - by Angela Faus
Fighting with an enemy,
That's not even on my level,
The painful lust,
I carry still,
The blessed light,
I bury,
I watch the hands,
Commit the crimes,
And how fast they deny it,
And the aftershock,
As it returns,
The chaos of each day,
It's no longer quite as painful,
To just turn my head away,
The losses I've won,
The time that I'm losing,
A wasted life,
A hopeless fear,
It knows I won't deny it,
The pain it caused,
The childhood I lost,
The memories slowly fading,
I cherish my pain,
As I cherish my loss,
And as I cherish the time left remaining.
When Ang was active in her heroin addiction she was often "missing" for long periods of time. She was with her friends chasing the high - it was a full time job. The hell of not knowing where she was, how she was is a feeling I will never be able to shake. It is forever embedded in my memory. But the reality of drug use/addiction is that the drug is needed... needed... a must have right now "kind of need". There is no rest for the spirit... even for those who know the Lord forget to whom they belong... they rest for no one... imagine if you can what your life would be like if you were caught in such a demanding cycle of destruction.
This cycle becomes the addict...
Enemy - by Angela Faus
Fighting with an enemy,
That's not even on my level,
The painful lust,
I carry still,
The blessed light,
I bury,
I watch the hands,
Commit the crimes,
And how fast they deny it,
And the aftershock,
As it returns,
The chaos of each day,
It's no longer quite as painful,
To just turn my head away,
The losses I've won,
The time that I'm losing,
A wasted life,
A hopeless fear,
It knows I won't deny it,
The pain it caused,
The childhood I lost,
The memories slowly fading,
I cherish my pain,
As I cherish my loss,
And as I cherish the time left remaining.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
A call from God
As I was running errands today I was listening to the radio and the announcer was talking about spiritual gifts and how different folks are called to minister in different ways and each individual must discern what their gifts actually are and how to use them. I always had a gift for gab and I was never afraid to speak in front of a crowd, but I never would have thought that God would lead me to this place.
I remember as my daughter's addiction became more intense and we were all dealing with the stress, pain and fear of the situation it occured to me that I was pretty tough (ha! little did I know at the time it wasn't my strength at all). I loved her so much, I would do anything and everything to try and save her, even if she didn't want to be saved... (ahhh the rub of addiction... we can't save anyone who doesn't want to be saved.) I was so glad that she was my daughter, that God blessed me with her. What if she had ended up with a mother that just threw her away instead of loving her unconditionally? I thanked God for her precious life. I knew God then, I believe in Christ then... but what I didn't know was that God was ever more present than I ever knew... I did not at that point have a real, true relationship with my Jesus.
So much pain in drug addiction, so much fear, every moment is filled with uncertainity... where is she tonight? Is she safe? Is she alive? When is she coming home. Sleeplessness... night after night... walking the city streets at 2:00 am looking for her... facing drug dealers on their turf... God was surely protecting me... every night I was there asking the Lord to protect my baby girl where ever she was and to save her from this horrible drug. Heal her please dear Lord... heal her.
And then he did... one Sept. 1, 2007... he took my baby home... He healed her scars, He restored her peace and she rests with Him... serving Him... filled with Joy!!!
And I... well I gather my strength every day from God, my Lord fills me with His presence and I step out again and again to tell our story... her story... to try and reach as many young people and their parents as I can. Fulfilling my calling from God. Thank you Lord for loving me and directing me.
Dear Heavenly Father... watch over these young ones - let them come to know you and be set free from drugs and alcohol. Let them grow drug free to find their own calling - a gift from you. In Jesus' name. Amen
I love you pumpkin..
Blessings
I remember as my daughter's addiction became more intense and we were all dealing with the stress, pain and fear of the situation it occured to me that I was pretty tough (ha! little did I know at the time it wasn't my strength at all). I loved her so much, I would do anything and everything to try and save her, even if she didn't want to be saved... (ahhh the rub of addiction... we can't save anyone who doesn't want to be saved.) I was so glad that she was my daughter, that God blessed me with her. What if she had ended up with a mother that just threw her away instead of loving her unconditionally? I thanked God for her precious life. I knew God then, I believe in Christ then... but what I didn't know was that God was ever more present than I ever knew... I did not at that point have a real, true relationship with my Jesus.
So much pain in drug addiction, so much fear, every moment is filled with uncertainity... where is she tonight? Is she safe? Is she alive? When is she coming home. Sleeplessness... night after night... walking the city streets at 2:00 am looking for her... facing drug dealers on their turf... God was surely protecting me... every night I was there asking the Lord to protect my baby girl where ever she was and to save her from this horrible drug. Heal her please dear Lord... heal her.
And then he did... one Sept. 1, 2007... he took my baby home... He healed her scars, He restored her peace and she rests with Him... serving Him... filled with Joy!!!
And I... well I gather my strength every day from God, my Lord fills me with His presence and I step out again and again to tell our story... her story... to try and reach as many young people and their parents as I can. Fulfilling my calling from God. Thank you Lord for loving me and directing me.
Dear Heavenly Father... watch over these young ones - let them come to know you and be set free from drugs and alcohol. Let them grow drug free to find their own calling - a gift from you. In Jesus' name. Amen
I love you pumpkin..
Blessings
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Those in need
Good morning world! What a beautiful, clear day the Lord has made. Have you thanked God today for all you have? Have you thanked Him for the blessing of being able to read this post on a computer? I would ask you on this Sunday to be grateful for what you have and mindful of those out there who have much less than you.
Today there is a young person somewhere struggling with drug addiction. They may be alone, scared, cold and hungry. They may have no one praying for them, they may have been abandoned by those who love them, they may be living on the streets making horrible choices that allow them to continue their drug use. Please pray for them... they need your prayers.
Blessings
Today there is a young person somewhere struggling with drug addiction. They may be alone, scared, cold and hungry. They may have no one praying for them, they may have been abandoned by those who love them, they may be living on the streets making horrible choices that allow them to continue their drug use. Please pray for them... they need your prayers.
Blessings
Friday, September 25, 2009
Amazed
Every day I rise and read the morning news headlines and my heart cries out "what is happening to our country, to our world, to our youth?" This morning I see mug shots of three young men who robbed a young couple and they are smiling. Smiling I tell you, like they are so proud of themselves. How can anyone be so blind that they do not see the line between right and wrong? I suppose they just choose to ignore it. Why? Where did it all go wrong? When did they decide that it was okay to take what did not belong to them? Who taught them this theory, or perhaps there just wasn't any one around to teach them differently.
What is to become of this country if we do not embrace our youth NOW! Surround them with love and guidance NOW! Teach them values not just by words but by how we live our lives. Talk the talk with them and then walk the walk with them. Our Lord walks with us every moment of our lives. Do these young people even know there is another way???
Blessings
What is to become of this country if we do not embrace our youth NOW! Surround them with love and guidance NOW! Teach them values not just by words but by how we live our lives. Talk the talk with them and then walk the walk with them. Our Lord walks with us every moment of our lives. Do these young people even know there is another way???
Blessings
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Weddings
On August 15th my youngest son married the women of his dreams. What a blessed day for our family. The Spirit of the Lord moved freely throughout the Chapel and all through the reception, rejoicing with us at the union of these two beautiful souls. Among all the pain and suffering in this life comes these moments of pure joy and we give thanks.
August is a hard month for me as Angela's birthday is the 31st. The second anniversary of her death follows immediately on Sept. 1st. Every year I must prepare for whatever is to come over this time period. I ask God for strength and comfort for I know I will need that at the very least. Sustaining grace is the gift the Lord has provided for me over these last two years, I have great faith that He will continue to provide it.
August is a hard month for me as Angela's birthday is the 31st. The second anniversary of her death follows immediately on Sept. 1st. Every year I must prepare for whatever is to come over this time period. I ask God for strength and comfort for I know I will need that at the very least. Sustaining grace is the gift the Lord has provided for me over these last two years, I have great faith that He will continue to provide it.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Beauty of the Lord, the reality of Life
The Lord is my rock and my fortress, He is mighty, He is merciful, His blood covers me, I am filled with his peace. What an amazing feeling and worthy of everyone's consideration when they look at their life and gage how they are doing on their own? Is there own "inner strength" enough to sustain them with a measure of peace and promise in times of trials and pain? Or is there something missing? Is life not going quite as planned because they are trying in vain to steer their own course, plot their own path, make it on their own in a world that is pulling us all in every possible direction at the same time. The TV taunts us to buy more stuff, to make more money, to drive a fancier car... the one who dies with the most toys wins. It is a sad thought that so many folks are consumed by the need for more stuff and less concerned about the spiritual health and the spiritual health of their families. I am not sitting in judgement, I am merely speaking of what I witness on a daily basis. It doesn't matter how many toys you have, when death comes, they mean nothing! You leave this world the same way you came in to it, with nothing but your soul, your spirit and your physical presence. Reality check folks... think about it.
God loves us no matter who we are, how many toys we have and what choices we have made in our lives. But in order to find peace, we must reconcile those choices with God. I see the tears in the eyes of parents whose child is using drugs and they are so torn and frustrated and scared. Well they should be; their child's life and future is on the line. These young people are setting a precedence for a pattern of making bad choices that could - I say could stay with them the rest of their lives if something doesn't click in their minds, if something doesn't change.
That change can not be forced or coerced - it needs to come within them. They need a reason to move in a positive forward motion. They need guidance as to how to bring about this change. They need not only new skill sets for daily living but also a new thought process, a new faith process for spiritual growth, for lifetime success. The seeds need to be planted and then nurtured so that they continue to grow, strong and healthy and able to stand on their own without drugs, without alcohol... standing gloriously with the Lord and a host of heavenly Angels to guide them forward.
Blessings
Rose
God loves us no matter who we are, how many toys we have and what choices we have made in our lives. But in order to find peace, we must reconcile those choices with God. I see the tears in the eyes of parents whose child is using drugs and they are so torn and frustrated and scared. Well they should be; their child's life and future is on the line. These young people are setting a precedence for a pattern of making bad choices that could - I say could stay with them the rest of their lives if something doesn't click in their minds, if something doesn't change.
That change can not be forced or coerced - it needs to come within them. They need a reason to move in a positive forward motion. They need guidance as to how to bring about this change. They need not only new skill sets for daily living but also a new thought process, a new faith process for spiritual growth, for lifetime success. The seeds need to be planted and then nurtured so that they continue to grow, strong and healthy and able to stand on their own without drugs, without alcohol... standing gloriously with the Lord and a host of heavenly Angels to guide them forward.
Blessings
Rose
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