Currently, my mom is lying in a hospital bed in the emergency room of our local hospital. She has been there since Monday evening at 7:30 pm... they have no other rooms or beds. My mom has been a heart patient for 17 years and as we visited with my grandfather Monday evening I was watching my feeling, noticing her, feeling her distress. After much prodding she finally admitted that she was short of breath and was tight in the chest and had used her nitro only 20 minutes earlier with just marginal relief. Thankfully, the nurse taking care of my grandfather took her blood pressure which was very high and off to the emergency room we went. So, there we sat and waited, then off to a bed to wait... then into another room to wait... finally two hours ago they did the echo cardiogram they were suppose to do on Monday night. No results as of yet but all things seem to be leading to a heart cath at the very least.
Mothers and daughters... strange creatures we are, very strange in deed. We hide from each other, darting in and out of the line of questioning on our health, our jobs, our children. We certainly don't want to cause the other any additional stress. While the thought is well intended in actuality the outcome is usually far more stressful and traumatic than the original discussion could have been. My mom is a great example... this is the second time she has hidden from me for many months the fact that she was feeling so poorly and having this "tightness" in her chest. The last time ended up having her needing open heart surgery to replace a value in her heart. Why is it that one person on this earth we should trust with anything and everything is often the one person we don't turn to out of fear... fear that we may cause them discomfort. God does not want us to fear the truth in anything. Truth is love, God is truth, God is love... I told my mom I do not fear anything because I know that God's hands are in everything.
While we await her test results, am I concerned? Off course I am, I am concerned about what they will find, if they can fix it, how it will effect her life... but I am not afraid. I know that whatever God's plan is to be for her, for I it is the only plan. Neither of us can fear that which is of God. Her life, my life is in our Creator's hands for that I am eternally grateful.