Saturday, January 30, 2010

Birthdays-Loss & Family

Today is my 47th birthday. I don't care about my age, growing older doesn't bother me at all. Although I must admit I never thought I ever be 47. No one ever thinks like that when they are a teenager. We never see older age coming...

This is the third birthday without Angela, my darling precious baby girl. Heroin took her from me, all her pain drove her to seek the ultimate forget-about-it-all-and-never-deal-with-it drug. I watched her try and try... I spent years seeing her sober, clean, working, loving, laughing and at any moment the dragon would rear it's ugly head and she'd be lost to us again. Her tears mixed with mine... and all that love her flowing like a waterfall without any beauty - only fear - fear of the inevitable... and yes it came. It came calling one beautiful, sunny September morning that in an instant began the darkest day in my life. A day I remember, relive and speak about over and over again to all the young people that will listen.

So here I am, awaiting the arrival of what is left of the family I love so much. Not feeling at all like celebrating... we all aren't together...sitting around the dining room table. How I long to see her smile... but she is with me always in my heart and in the memories we shared for 22 years. I miss her, dear God I miss her so very much. The light of my life, I love her so!!!!

If only it would really sink in to drug users how they hurt the ones they love. I know they don't do it intentionally... that's not their objective... yet we love them so we hurt... we hurt ever so badly... and when they are gone their pain ends, the Lord heals them that believe, which my Angela did... he heals them... we are left to deal with our pain until the day He calls us home as well. Dear God keep giving me strength.


Thursday, January 28, 2010

Attention Parents

We all need to be aware of the funding cuts for mental health and substance abuse treatment in this country. Pennsylvania has already had their funding slashed in these areas while we continue to build shopping malls we don't need or move railroad tracks or pay high salaries to our government officials. What's the deal folks? We need to get our priorities straight. Our young people - their health and well being has to remain our top priority!!! I have been praying for answers, trying to figure out why it's okay to let youth that need help go without it. Yes, we parents need to do our part - totally agreed with that... but when outside help is needed and becomes unavailable because of lack of services or high expense then we lose... our children lose... the country loses its most valuable resource. Drugs kill... let's not let the government spending issues help it along.


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Current State of US Affairs

Believe it or not teens are very plugged into what is going on in our world today. They understand the tension over job loss, healthcare reform and the earthquake devastation in Haiti. They may not appear to even realize what is going on around them but they know... they are paying more attention than you realize. Part of the issue is they have become a bit desensitized to devastation due to video games, music and TV, more so than previous generations. How confusing it must be to be partly desensitized and partly emotionally distraught over the state of the world today. Are we listening to our youth? I'm listening... speak to me... talk to me... tell me what's on your mind. Talk to me about why you are turning to drugs and alcohol to elevate your stress and boredom. Let's work together and find a way to get your proactively involved in your life and the life of your community... your country.

Parents are you actively listening to your child of all ages? Are you fully present with them during conversations or is your mind worrying about something else? As parents we've all been there trying to listen and yet our mind is "wandering" off into worry-land. Please - be with them... only them... what they have to say and how they say it is more important then you'll ever know.


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Letting Go

Letting go is hard very hard and some folks never learn how to "let go" of their "stuff". It's even harder for teens. Their hearts are worn on their sleeves. It's the job, the responsibility of adults to teach our young how to process life.


Sunday, January 10, 2010

Those in need

Good morning world! What a beautiful, clear day the Lord has made. Have you thanked God today for all you have? Have you thanked Him for the blessing of being able to read this post on a computer? I would ask you on this Sunday to be grateful for what you have and mindful of those out there who have much less than you.

Today there is a young person somewhere struggling with drug addiction. They may be alone, scared, cold and hungry. They may have no one praying for them, they may have been abandoned by those who love them, they may be living on the streets making horrible choices that allow them to continue their drug use. Please pray for them... they need your prayers.


Friday, January 8, 2010

Teens - can you do it on your own?

Life is complicated, life is hard... living is beautiful! Are you living the best life you can? Are you reaching the full potential that God intended for you?

If your life revolves around your next high, your next withdrawal - then you have so much more of life to experience. Drug use stunts your ability to enjoy all that life has to offer you. Think about it. What are you living for... partying with you friends? Sneaking a joint in the back yard? Is that where your excitement begins and ends. If so I urge you to rethink where you are headed and why.

What you perceive as "innocent partying" can very well lead you down a path of destruction that you can now only imagine. Jail, addiction... illness - death are all very real possibilities - I know first hand. I watched drugs destroy my only daughter. Take heart - there is a way to change your life, to begin living it to the fullest without drugs or alcohol. Step back... assess the situation. You don't have to go it alone. Drop the drugs - turn to your family... ask for help and accept it. Will it be easy? No, probably not... but you're worth it. You deserve to live the best life you can... to be everything you always dreamed you'd be. Talk to someone you trust... and remember to talk to God. He's listening... he's watching over you... he knows your struggles.


Thursday, January 7, 2010

Safe & Warm

Are you safe and warm today? Here in Pennsylvania it has been bitterly cold and my mind turns to thoughts of my daughter's days living on the streets. One of her longest runs was from December to February living in her car, abandoned houses and sadly enough even dog houses just to try and get out of the elements. It was heartbreaking at the time for me wondering if she were alive, did she eat, when was the last time she showered. Addiction is so all consuming that the simple needs we all take for granted are forgotten and the only thing that matters is getting high and staying high.

As I type this my heart is heavy and my eyes fill with tears as I remember my pain and her pain. Even though she is no longer with me I remember every plea, every promise, every tear, every pain... and I know today... tonight and tomorrow there will be others just like her, chained to drug addiction, writhing in pain both physical and emotional... longing to be high... longing to be warm... longing to be home.

Be Blessed Dear Hearts... Jesus love you!