Sunday, April 18, 2010

Never Rest

Sunday is my day to rest, glorify the Lord and just spend time "being". Life right now is so different than 3+ years ago. The drug drama in our life has ceased to be... along with our daughter. Drug use/addiction never takes a Sabbath... never takes a holiday. For those caught in the web of drug use every day is a marathon... energy must be spent to find the drugs needed, figure how to pay for them, acquire the drugs, get high and than if necessary cover up the drug use... a vicious cycle.

When Ang was active in her heroin addiction she was often "missing" for long periods of time. She was with her friends chasing the high - it was a full time job. The hell of not knowing where she was, how she was is a feeling I will never be able to shake. It is forever embedded in my memory. But the reality of drug use/addiction is that the drug is needed... needed... a must have right now "kind of need". There is no rest for the spirit... even for those who know the Lord forget to whom they belong... they rest for no one... imagine if you can what your life would be like if you were caught in such a demanding cycle of destruction.

This cycle becomes the addict...

Enemy - by Angela Faus
Fighting with an enemy,
That's not even on my level,
The painful lust,
I carry still,
The blessed light,
I bury,
I watch the hands,
Commit the crimes,
And how fast they deny it,
And the aftershock,
As it returns,
The chaos of each day,
It's no longer quite as painful,
To just turn my head away,
The losses I've won,
The time that I'm losing,
A wasted life,
A hopeless fear,
It knows I won't deny it,
The pain it caused,
The childhood I lost,
The memories slowly fading,
I cherish my pain,
As I cherish my loss,
And as I cherish the time left remaining.

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