Angela liked things that sparkled. Anything that sparkled fascinated her from the time she was very small. Many parents out there have held a little one who was hypnotized with shining dangling ear rings, reaching out for them, grabbing on tightly whenever possible... Angela was no different... as she grew she her love for the sparkly things of life grew... glitter... glitter every where. Glitter for projects, glitter nail polish, glitter eye shadow... glittery dresses...how I miss those days.
One day her love for all that glittered was replaced with a sign on her door that said "All that glitters is NOT gold"... from that point on glitter lost its shine during the periods of her life when the lights went out and as heroin ruled the days and nights... as it extinguished what little light was left in my glitter gal... The crushing blow of drug use in our children deflates our own spirits... snuffs out the light within us. Relighting that flame feels impossible for the most part, but we continue the best we can, using our flashlights and wondering through the darkness looking for a way to save our child from the grips of drug use. There ought to be a parental safety switch right??? An emergency button we activate during worse case scenario's... and yet there is no such device. We are on our own.
How do you save someone who does not want to be saved... even if that someone is your child? You can't, plain and simply put, they have to want to save themselves. Now I am not saying that as parents we can't do every thing we possibly can to establish a process for healing. Yes, that we can do. We can establish boundaries, consequences to inappropriate actions and activities... that we can do... or at least attempt to do. Most importantly though, in my humble opinion is being fully present with them while they are struggling... help them learn how to process life and all that is happening to them. Love them, teach them... forgive them... so that when they are ready they know you are there for them. For most parents this process is long and excruciating... and patience wears thin... I get that, I totally understand, but do your very best to hang on even when you feel like throwing your hands in the air and saying "forget it...I'm done... you're on your own". When you feel like that pray... ask God to give you strength... re-assess the situation, regain your composure and keep going.
Remember... there is a great deal going on inside your young one right now... things you can't possibly know or even understand. Looking back...reading Angela's writings shed a great deal of light on those things... the places I couldn't reach...I am sharing one of her writing with you all...
Seven ~Angela M. Faus~
I don't hate you for what you are,
but for what you represent.
The happiness in your eyes,
isn't a lie,
the life that flows from you,
makes me want to cry.
because you're everything I want to be.
Somethings we as parents will never understand... I must go now and cry... I still do that you know... cry for yesterday... cry for all the tomorrows that will never come... cry for all those kids I can't reach and for all the parents I can't help.