Thursday, January 15, 2009
Yesterday marked one month since the death of my Dad, Paul. I vividly I remember his passing. The hours that drug on and on as we watch him prepare to leave us. His frustration when he was still coherent. See Daddy couldn't hear anymore and because of the leukemia in his spinal fluid he could barely speak. When he did speak, you were hard pressed to understand him. How hard that must have been for him, how painful to know you are dying and not be able to hear the expressions of love made by your family or to be able to express your own feelings. He was scared and tired and full of pain. The light in his eyes that used to shine so brightly was fading slowing. Holding his hand and staring into his eyes was about all I could do except pray. Sleep would not come, relaxation would not come... so I prayed, I sang to him, I talked to him - even knowing he couldn't understand me. I remember clearly, it was around 10:15 am that Sunday morning, he opened his eyes after about 7 hours. I called to him Daddy, I love you but he was looking at something much more beautiful than my eyes have yet to behold. I believe he knew we were there... I believe he heard me cry I love you as I held his hand and he took his final breaths. The pain comes... the pain returns... he and Angela now together with our Lord. They are dancing and singing with the angels in heaven and both are healed and pain free. I only wish my heart was free from the pain of losing them.