Saturday, January 30, 2010

Birthdays-Loss & Family

Today is my 47th birthday. I don't care about my age, growing older doesn't bother me at all. Although I must admit I never thought I ever be 47. No one ever thinks like that when they are a teenager. We never see older age coming...

This is the third birthday without Angela, my darling precious baby girl. Heroin took her from me, all her pain drove her to seek the ultimate forget-about-it-all-and-never-deal-with-it drug. I watched her try and try... I spent years seeing her sober, clean, working, loving, laughing and at any moment the dragon would rear it's ugly head and she'd be lost to us again. Her tears mixed with mine... and all that love her flowing like a waterfall without any beauty - only fear - fear of the inevitable... and yes it came. It came calling one beautiful, sunny September morning that in an instant began the darkest day in my life. A day I remember, relive and speak about over and over again to all the young people that will listen.

So here I am, awaiting the arrival of what is left of the family I love so much. Not feeling at all like celebrating... we all aren't together...sitting around the dining room table. How I long to see her smile... but she is with me always in my heart and in the memories we shared for 22 years. I miss her, dear God I miss her so very much. The light of my life, I love her so!!!!

If only it would really sink in to drug users how they hurt the ones they love. I know they don't do it intentionally... that's not their objective... yet we love them so we hurt... we hurt ever so badly... and when they are gone their pain ends, the Lord heals them that believe, which my Angela did... he heals them... we are left to deal with our pain until the day He calls us home as well. Dear God keep giving me strength.


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