Last week during one of my youth drug and alcohol meetings I had a beautiful young woman with eyes filled with fear say “this has been my whole life for four years”. Sadly, she was referring to smoking pot, a large amount of it daily, sprinkled with alcohol and a plethora of pills and other narcotics over the last four years of her life. She is currently 17 years of age. I watched carefully her reactions to my words and questions. Her eyes clearly showed a deep fear and anxiety about getting off of probation and no longer being under someone’s supervisor. She didn’t have a clue how she was going to deal with her new freedom once it was granted. What was she going to be able to pull from deep inside herself to conquer something that clearly had become her whole life; her words not mine. I wondered as I finished up and left the group if she had the proper support system in place to help her conquer her drug use which has been her coping mechanism since the tender age of 13. Or would she wind up like so many other young people out there on their own trying to figure it out and ending up in a lost situation, moving on to bigger quantities of more toxic, dangerous narcotics.
Drug users, drug addicts… wow people sure do have their opinions on the value of their lives. Sad really that so many folks just decide without any real knowledge of addiction to label these individuals as worthless, trash, lazy, and quite frankly those are just a few that are fit to print. How quickly so many are to judge and label their fellow man. I personally find it deplorable; placing labels on anyone. I talk with so many young drug users who had been labeled by their family members. These labels stick folks and it’s difficult for young ones to break free from them. More likely they conform to them because most of today’s youth aren’t taught how to rise above their circumstances. They aren’t given the tools they need to figure out how to become all they are meant to be.
Most of us, as parents are so busy trying to raise happy children that we forget to raise skilled children; children with the skills to cope responsibility with life and whatever gets thrown their way. Society is also busy making sure to gift our children self-esteem. Everyone gets a trophy regardless of whether they have earned it or not. Awards are often given out for less than stellar performance even within the academic community. What does that teach our children? Does it teach them to work to be exceptional? We do so much for them and then expect as they grow up for them to “reach inside and count on themselves” to figure everything out. We expect them to know how to deal with failures and accolades, rejection and popularity. What happens when they fail to our expectations or their own and their inner strength isn’t enough?
Ah, okay you’re probably thinking… I wondered when she was going to go there. Well, yes I am going to go there. Are we failing to teach our children faith, faith in God? We are so busy teaching them things of this world and yet we don’t give them the opportunity to even explore faith in Christ. Why is that? Don’t they deserve the chance to know there is a living God that they can draw near to for strength and comfort? Don’t our young people deserve to know that they don’t have to go through life depending on just their inner strength to navigate through life’s maze of twists and turns?
I wonder if the young woman I mentioned earlier is equipped with the tools of faith to help her on her journey to stay drug free. I wonder if she was taught that she is truly special and truly worthy of having a life filled with joy. I wonder if she knows that she isn’t alone in her fight; that she is loved unconditionally!
Blessings!
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Friday, August 19, 2011
Beyond the Purple Door - Listen,Love, Pray
Last weekend BrokenButLoved was blessed to have a presence at the Purple Door Festival in Lebanon, PA. Already knowing the awesome bands that would be present made the preparation exciting, even though there was a great deal to pull together. I know that both Kimmi (my awesome, loving BBL supporter) and I had our own set of expectations as we ventured north to Lebanon, but I know that even in our wildest imaginations what we experienced there was in truth much, much more then our human brains could have created on our own.
Finding ourselves located in the barn stalls of the Expo Center definitely wasn't what we expected and yet we both knew it really wasn't about us or about dusty location where we were situated. Setting up our "booth" the anticipation was electric and there was a "knowing", a "sensing" that amazing events were about to take place and that God had brought us there, together for His purpose... His will be done!!! Yeppers, it was going to be an awesome day and a half... no doubt about it.
How can I even begin to explain it all. I can't, I don't know that as I attempt to bring it to life on "paper" I will be able to do it justice = but I shall try. The music was varied in style and was rockin'. How cool is it to be doing what you love to do and also find yourself being inspired and entertained by great musician's as well? But, in truth it is what was beyond the Purple Door that made the experience such a blessing... truly... touching every fiber of my being... stretching my heartstrings until they felt they would break. Kimmi and I were given a glimpse beyond the Door... I'm not sure there were many others there that had that privilege. I thank the Lord that we were able to see passed the veil of the music and into the lives of some beautiful, amazing people... God's children... and yes my friends we are all broken in one way or another.
The kids... wow... the kids of all ages... how very cool it was to meet so many great young people. Watching them, seeing their eyes dances as they interacted with one another. Listening... carefully... fully... to them and explaining what BrokenButLoved is all about... our mission...our passion. Talking to them about Angela, her struggles with drugs, with life... her death... our loss, all the while watching their faces, their reactions... that alone continually throughout the day renewed my faith in the caring hearts of a rising generation.
Groups and groups of youth coming and going and coming back again. Each time they would return our conversations intensified and deepened until many were sharing intimate details of their lives and their own pain. Oh how I could feel the power of God's Holy Spirit falling down around us as we listened, talked, prayed and loved... giving what we could of ourselves to them... sharing with them Christ's love, mercy and grace. How much more blessed could I feel? The Lord was allowing me, allowing us the privilege of touching these young hearts, their lives if even for a short period of time. I will never forget that feeling, ever. So many young hearts need so desperately to have someone listen to them, love them and pray for them, with them. Even within our little groups there were those who would minister to each other. People do you hear me???? Youth sharing with each other... encouraging, loving... dreaming... man I gotta tell you it was AMAZING!!!!!!
Of course we also had a blast with these young folks. Their smiles were captivating and their laughter contagious... we made friends... many, many friends and with each new life that entered into mine my heart would leap with joy. Just as my heartstrings were stretched to their limits throughout the festival, so did they also play the most beautiful music. Gentle, flowing melodies that only I could hear. That's okay though, because just like each young soul that I danced with at Purple Door... I shall never forget it or them... it is all forever etched in my spirit. Thank you Lord... thank you!
Tomorrow... the adults of Purple Door...
Finding ourselves located in the barn stalls of the Expo Center definitely wasn't what we expected and yet we both knew it really wasn't about us or about dusty location where we were situated. Setting up our "booth" the anticipation was electric and there was a "knowing", a "sensing" that amazing events were about to take place and that God had brought us there, together for His purpose... His will be done!!! Yeppers, it was going to be an awesome day and a half... no doubt about it.
How can I even begin to explain it all. I can't, I don't know that as I attempt to bring it to life on "paper" I will be able to do it justice = but I shall try. The music was varied in style and was rockin'. How cool is it to be doing what you love to do and also find yourself being inspired and entertained by great musician's as well? But, in truth it is what was beyond the Purple Door that made the experience such a blessing... truly... touching every fiber of my being... stretching my heartstrings until they felt they would break. Kimmi and I were given a glimpse beyond the Door... I'm not sure there were many others there that had that privilege. I thank the Lord that we were able to see passed the veil of the music and into the lives of some beautiful, amazing people... God's children... and yes my friends we are all broken in one way or another.
The kids... wow... the kids of all ages... how very cool it was to meet so many great young people. Watching them, seeing their eyes dances as they interacted with one another. Listening... carefully... fully... to them and explaining what BrokenButLoved is all about... our mission...our passion. Talking to them about Angela, her struggles with drugs, with life... her death... our loss, all the while watching their faces, their reactions... that alone continually throughout the day renewed my faith in the caring hearts of a rising generation.
Groups and groups of youth coming and going and coming back again. Each time they would return our conversations intensified and deepened until many were sharing intimate details of their lives and their own pain. Oh how I could feel the power of God's Holy Spirit falling down around us as we listened, talked, prayed and loved... giving what we could of ourselves to them... sharing with them Christ's love, mercy and grace. How much more blessed could I feel? The Lord was allowing me, allowing us the privilege of touching these young hearts, their lives if even for a short period of time. I will never forget that feeling, ever. So many young hearts need so desperately to have someone listen to them, love them and pray for them, with them. Even within our little groups there were those who would minister to each other. People do you hear me???? Youth sharing with each other... encouraging, loving... dreaming... man I gotta tell you it was AMAZING!!!!!!
Of course we also had a blast with these young folks. Their smiles were captivating and their laughter contagious... we made friends... many, many friends and with each new life that entered into mine my heart would leap with joy. Just as my heartstrings were stretched to their limits throughout the festival, so did they also play the most beautiful music. Gentle, flowing melodies that only I could hear. That's okay though, because just like each young soul that I danced with at Purple Door... I shall never forget it or them... it is all forever etched in my spirit. Thank you Lord... thank you!
Tomorrow... the adults of Purple Door...
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Is this the new normal?
I have been speaking to youth and their parents now for almost three years regarding the issue of drug and alcohol use/abuse. Let me be blunt! The apathy among both sets is ever increasing and this my friends is a sad, sad trend especially among the parents/adults. A heartbreaking trend at least for me.
It used to be I'd be missing a few parents with each group, but more and more less and less parents are showing up to the group sessions. Okay, I get that times are getting tougher and perhaps some folks have no other option but to be working during that one night for 2 hours. But wake up folks this is your child's future we are talking about here...and sometimes we have to make tough choices in order to get our priorities straight. Now, I am not talking about those who have no choice (those who may work for unyielding bosses)I'm addressing those adults who simply choose not to participate. What message does that send to the youth involved? Gee... I don't know, what do you think it says?
I find myself now not only fighting the drug issues themselves but the 'I just don't care' issue as well. Not with everyone, some of these youth are listening and actively trying to change their lives and I applaud them. I just keep praying that this is not the new normal and just a passing phase. However, with the widespread apathy among the country in general perhaps they are just learning what they live.
Please be in prayer for all concerned.
God Bless
It used to be I'd be missing a few parents with each group, but more and more less and less parents are showing up to the group sessions. Okay, I get that times are getting tougher and perhaps some folks have no other option but to be working during that one night for 2 hours. But wake up folks this is your child's future we are talking about here...and sometimes we have to make tough choices in order to get our priorities straight. Now, I am not talking about those who have no choice (those who may work for unyielding bosses)I'm addressing those adults who simply choose not to participate. What message does that send to the youth involved? Gee... I don't know, what do you think it says?
I find myself now not only fighting the drug issues themselves but the 'I just don't care' issue as well. Not with everyone, some of these youth are listening and actively trying to change their lives and I applaud them. I just keep praying that this is not the new normal and just a passing phase. However, with the widespread apathy among the country in general perhaps they are just learning what they live.
Please be in prayer for all concerned.
God Bless
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Are you listening
There are times when I have the privilege to sit down and talk with other adults that deal with teen substance abuse issues and our conversations often leave me with even greater insights and sadly far too much confirmation of what I already know to be true.
Here's what scare me folks - the deterioration of the family unit; family's are dysfunctional and then there is second generation addiction... scary, scary stuff. Listen, I am truly not blaming parents for all the drug use and addiction within our teen population -that would be crazy talk. But what I do know is there are far too many hurting young ones out there and someone needs to start listening, really listening to them. Not listening and thinking at the same time 'what can I do to fix this'? We need to be listening first - to them without interjection... just hear them. Spend some time empathizing with them, their pain, their problems. Guess what that big break up with the boy/girlfriend is devastating to your young one. Now is not the time to minimize it. Their feelings, their emotions, their reactions are real - just because we as parents don't necessarily find their problems really "problems" - (in our minds we're thinking - just wait until you have to face REAL problems). What we see as tiny little issues are often huge mountains they are trying to figure out how to climb.
What you may not be "hearing" underneath are all the thoughts about drugs, alcohol, sex etc.... listen... shhhh... listen... to what may not be spoken...
It truly isn't enough to ask your young one what's wrong and just take the stock answer "nothing" or "you wouldn't understand" and leave it go. That's surely an easy approach to take... well he/she said I wouldn't understand, they're probably right so why bother. Or maybe it's this thought process if I do try and understand you'll only end up in another confrontation... easy out. I've done that one myself. I am so not in the mood for a teenage confrontation tonight... hard day at the office, still have dinner to make etc. forget it I'll let it pass. I just told you I've played that card and regret every time I have done so. I think of how many opportunities I missed with my daughter. Opportunities to communicate, to hear her, to let her know I HEAR HER.
Our young ones want direction, they long to trust us with their hearts. Broken families leave them wondering where does trust and stability play a factor in their family. Busy lives leave us with barely enough time to shower and of course as adults with so much responsibility we need our "me time" as well. I agree... "me time" is important but it is never more important than kid time. Never! As parents we have a responsibility first and foremost to those children which God has entrusted us to love, guide and raise up to the best of our ability. And yes we all make plenty of mistakes.
If you've tried to get your young ones into a conversation and have failed, don't give up. Try another tactic... another time, another situation but come on folks don't just give up. They need you and this is far too important - you must give it your all!
Blessings... remember when you are feeling like you just can keep going... look up and remember to draw your strength of the Father of all creation.
Here's what scare me folks - the deterioration of the family unit; family's are dysfunctional and then there is second generation addiction... scary, scary stuff. Listen, I am truly not blaming parents for all the drug use and addiction within our teen population -that would be crazy talk. But what I do know is there are far too many hurting young ones out there and someone needs to start listening, really listening to them. Not listening and thinking at the same time 'what can I do to fix this'? We need to be listening first - to them without interjection... just hear them. Spend some time empathizing with them, their pain, their problems. Guess what that big break up with the boy/girlfriend is devastating to your young one. Now is not the time to minimize it. Their feelings, their emotions, their reactions are real - just because we as parents don't necessarily find their problems really "problems" - (in our minds we're thinking - just wait until you have to face REAL problems). What we see as tiny little issues are often huge mountains they are trying to figure out how to climb.
What you may not be "hearing" underneath are all the thoughts about drugs, alcohol, sex etc.... listen... shhhh... listen... to what may not be spoken...
It truly isn't enough to ask your young one what's wrong and just take the stock answer "nothing" or "you wouldn't understand" and leave it go. That's surely an easy approach to take... well he/she said I wouldn't understand, they're probably right so why bother. Or maybe it's this thought process if I do try and understand you'll only end up in another confrontation... easy out. I've done that one myself. I am so not in the mood for a teenage confrontation tonight... hard day at the office, still have dinner to make etc. forget it I'll let it pass. I just told you I've played that card and regret every time I have done so. I think of how many opportunities I missed with my daughter. Opportunities to communicate, to hear her, to let her know I HEAR HER.
Our young ones want direction, they long to trust us with their hearts. Broken families leave them wondering where does trust and stability play a factor in their family. Busy lives leave us with barely enough time to shower and of course as adults with so much responsibility we need our "me time" as well. I agree... "me time" is important but it is never more important than kid time. Never! As parents we have a responsibility first and foremost to those children which God has entrusted us to love, guide and raise up to the best of our ability. And yes we all make plenty of mistakes.
If you've tried to get your young ones into a conversation and have failed, don't give up. Try another tactic... another time, another situation but come on folks don't just give up. They need you and this is far too important - you must give it your all!
Blessings... remember when you are feeling like you just can keep going... look up and remember to draw your strength of the Father of all creation.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Apathy
How involved in your child's life are you? This question has nothing to do with how much you love them. I am amazed at how many parents are afraid to look at the issue of teen drug/alcohol use. Are we worried that we won't be looked at as the "cool parents"? Are we afraid to see that there may be brokenness within our family unit? I understand that there are multiple problems in this country and around the world. I get that we are all trying so hard to keep our head above water in a world that seems determined to destroy itself... yes I understand. But what happens if we choose not to look the issue of teen substance abuse square in the eyes and deal with it. If we continue to turn a blind eye to this issue the future of our country becomes even more uncertain. We can not allow that to happen people. We NEED our young ones to be thinking clearly and ready to use their intellect, their creativity and their drive to create a better world.
It all starts at home. Don't wait for your school district to do all the work. We must take back our families... we must bring our children back into the fold. Hold them accountable, teach them responsibility, let them know it's okay not to be perfect and help them work through their weaknesses and issue that prey upon them on a daily basis. Your children are a blessing from God. I can't think of anything more important then our youth.
Pray for the children...blessings!
It all starts at home. Don't wait for your school district to do all the work. We must take back our families... we must bring our children back into the fold. Hold them accountable, teach them responsibility, let them know it's okay not to be perfect and help them work through their weaknesses and issue that prey upon them on a daily basis. Your children are a blessing from God. I can't think of anything more important then our youth.
Pray for the children...blessings!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tween Angst
The words of a young teens whose feelings are broken... take them to heart my friends... tweens and teens are feeling this way every day... every where...
The little black mini skirt
never looked quite right on me
sometimes I'd pretend
that was really me
I'd pretend that I was skinny
that I was buff, babely and blonde
that I was the head cheerleader
with the little outfits on
I'd pretend to be beautiful
like I was always number one
like I was a super model
with the glass slippers on
I'd pretend that I was popular
loved by everyone
that no one thought I was nerdy
no matter what I had on
Now I see the real me
and maybe it's not so bad
I didn't need the glass slippers
that I never even had
I didn't need to be
Like Cindy Crawford or Naomi
I don't have to pretend
cause I'm fine just being me
~~A. Faus~~~(copywrite protected)
Our young ones are constantly under the microscope within their own peer groups. Trying to fit in... was stress and pain it causes them. Parents do you best to really hear what your children are saying to you about how they see themselves... because they are using seeing themselves thru the eyes someone else.
God Bless
The little black mini skirt
never looked quite right on me
sometimes I'd pretend
that was really me
I'd pretend that I was skinny
that I was buff, babely and blonde
that I was the head cheerleader
with the little outfits on
I'd pretend to be beautiful
like I was always number one
like I was a super model
with the glass slippers on
I'd pretend that I was popular
loved by everyone
that no one thought I was nerdy
no matter what I had on
Now I see the real me
and maybe it's not so bad
I didn't need the glass slippers
that I never even had
I didn't need to be
Like Cindy Crawford or Naomi
I don't have to pretend
cause I'm fine just being me
~~A. Faus~~~(copywrite protected)
Our young ones are constantly under the microscope within their own peer groups. Trying to fit in... was stress and pain it causes them. Parents do you best to really hear what your children are saying to you about how they see themselves... because they are using seeing themselves thru the eyes someone else.
God Bless
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Unlovable
A short put powerful message - there are many times that as parents we look at our troubled child and don't like what we see... then we don't like how we feel. There is a huge difference between the love we feel for our children and whether or not we particularly like them in the moment. They must clearly understand that we love them no matter what... we also must be certain they clearly understand what behaviors we simply do not like. Don't beat around the bush with it... lay it on the line... a long, bold, glowing line!!! When a young one gets involved with drugs/alcohol we see them change before our eyes... we watch them become disrespectful, angry... at some points almost unlovable... when they are pushing you away... when you find that the feeling of love is covered in the thick fog of darkness remember these words...
The ability to love what appears to be unlovable
The ability to embrace the inner depth of what appears to be untouchable
This is a gift from God… endowed to you
These words came to me in prayer... God's gift to me in a moment of unbelievable stress and frustration... remember them.
God Bless!!!!
The ability to love what appears to be unlovable
The ability to embrace the inner depth of what appears to be untouchable
This is a gift from God… endowed to you
These words came to me in prayer... God's gift to me in a moment of unbelievable stress and frustration... remember them.
God Bless!!!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Middle School Trauma
March 1997 from Angela's diary... "S & J (names withheld) are mad at me again because I'm not girlie enough... H isn't talking to me right now either. Girls suck. Mom's happy right now. Me on the other hand thinks life sucks. To tell the truth I hate almost everything about life. There are times that I wish I could end it and go out like a real woman (gun)". My daughter wrote that at the age of 12!!! What makes a 12 year old feel this way??? My heart just breaks to write this...middle school years are horrible for alot of young ones.
In the entries prior to this she had been writing for weeks about off and on "friendships". It appears as though her circle of friends changed their minds about who they wanted to be friends with like they changed their socks. If you were a bit different... or not as skinny... of if you had a bad hair day could mean you are "out" of the club. My daughter was very sensitive and this crowd broke her heart over and over and over again. She wanted so desperately to fit in and she took the abuse. She smiled and hid the tears and pain... but inside she wanted to die. That's how devastated she had become. Young people need to be taught that their judgements, criticism, cruelty and abandonment can scar people for life. Some are not strong enough to overcome this... other will. My daughter developed her tough girl persona and pretended it was just fine with her. This is when her attitude began to change.
She no longer felt good about herself...she was no longer proud of the fact that she was smart... pretty and loving. It didn't matter if I told her how special and beautiful she was... I was her mom I 'had to say that'. The cruelty of the young... tweens and teens get crushed daily by the careless words and deeds of their peers. Many of them waiting for the day that someone else is on the chopping block and they are just forgotten by the masses which is equally dangerous. As parents we need to become more aware which side of the fence your children are on... and we must be able to accept if they are on the side that is giving out the punches to others. Watch your child, their reactions to others... the gossip they talk... how do they speak of the fellows peers? Do they speak kindly or do they always have some sort of "negative trash talk" to spread even about their "friends". If they do you as their parent need to teach them the right way to be a friend and the proper way to respect those that are not in their circle.
In a time when the world is fixed on issues of racism etc. (and I am not saying these are not important issues - they are) we show little concern for how are children treat each other across the board. Folks, I'm serious... don't chalk this off as teen age growing pains. That's crap. One of the biggest problems in this world today is the way we treat our fellow man. No we aren't going to like or befriend everyone. People are different... but respect every man... yes absolutely. Let's do our part to bring up a generation of kind, loving, respectful young people. Do your part... it's your job and it's a tough one no doubt.
Angela began her drug use the summer she wrote this entry... let's save other young ones from this feeling of inadequacy... step it up folks... monitor your young ones behavior. Pray for the children.
God bless..
In the entries prior to this she had been writing for weeks about off and on "friendships". It appears as though her circle of friends changed their minds about who they wanted to be friends with like they changed their socks. If you were a bit different... or not as skinny... of if you had a bad hair day could mean you are "out" of the club. My daughter was very sensitive and this crowd broke her heart over and over and over again. She wanted so desperately to fit in and she took the abuse. She smiled and hid the tears and pain... but inside she wanted to die. That's how devastated she had become. Young people need to be taught that their judgements, criticism, cruelty and abandonment can scar people for life. Some are not strong enough to overcome this... other will. My daughter developed her tough girl persona and pretended it was just fine with her. This is when her attitude began to change.
She no longer felt good about herself...she was no longer proud of the fact that she was smart... pretty and loving. It didn't matter if I told her how special and beautiful she was... I was her mom I 'had to say that'. The cruelty of the young... tweens and teens get crushed daily by the careless words and deeds of their peers. Many of them waiting for the day that someone else is on the chopping block and they are just forgotten by the masses which is equally dangerous. As parents we need to become more aware which side of the fence your children are on... and we must be able to accept if they are on the side that is giving out the punches to others. Watch your child, their reactions to others... the gossip they talk... how do they speak of the fellows peers? Do they speak kindly or do they always have some sort of "negative trash talk" to spread even about their "friends". If they do you as their parent need to teach them the right way to be a friend and the proper way to respect those that are not in their circle.
In a time when the world is fixed on issues of racism etc. (and I am not saying these are not important issues - they are) we show little concern for how are children treat each other across the board. Folks, I'm serious... don't chalk this off as teen age growing pains. That's crap. One of the biggest problems in this world today is the way we treat our fellow man. No we aren't going to like or befriend everyone. People are different... but respect every man... yes absolutely. Let's do our part to bring up a generation of kind, loving, respectful young people. Do your part... it's your job and it's a tough one no doubt.
Angela began her drug use the summer she wrote this entry... let's save other young ones from this feeling of inadequacy... step it up folks... monitor your young ones behavior. Pray for the children.
God bless..
Friday, April 30, 2010
Ephesians 6:10-20
10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
19Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Prom Time
Yes prom time is upon us. So much preparation, the right dress, the right shoes, make sure we get our hair done just right.. and guys have to have the right "ride" and or course the corsage. Parents are usually involved in the whole preparation process with the exception of who our teen is actually going to the prom with this year. They manage that process all own their own. If you don't know your teens date then find out who they are... do some detective work folks it is important to know who your teen is spending this evening with...
Now I present to you for your consideration how much time as a parent have you put into communicating a message of safety and good choice to your teen prior to this big event. Have you broached the subject of alcohol, drugs and sex? If you haven't you need to... right away. It is imperative that your teen understand that just because this is a big event in their life doesn't mean all the rules fly out the window. They aren't being given a 'get out of jail free' card to do whatever they want to just because it's prom time. Right and wrong still exist... legal and illegal still exist... and peer pressure may be even greater during this season of festivities. What are you instilling into your young ones? Are you renting the limo "just in case"? There shouldn't be a just in case scenario. It is amazing to me how many limo driver's "allow" drinking etc. in their limo's when they know darn well the kids are under age. Once again we see other turning a blind eye... I ask what does that say to the young people of this country?
Parent sit them down and let them know what your expectation are and how they must be responsible. Some of these young ones are getting ready to take their first steps into the real world in a month or so. They have to understand the importance of making the right choices when presented with behaviors that will compromise their futures. Standing strong against the crowd is brutal no doubt. But it's time for them to decide who they are... who they desire to be moving forward. One night of abandon could end tragically. This is no time to get wimpy parents... no time to let it be ok "just this once"... " kids will be kids"... "okay, just this once because it's the prom"... please don't take that stance. Take it once and your teen will remember it I assure you. They will remember the one time mom and dad said we'll let it slide and they will push the envelope at a later date.
Pray for the children my friends... pray for a safe prom season... pray over your child... give them the tools they need to make the right choices. God has so much for them to do, they are growing into the adults of the future. Send them forth with the right attitude, the right confidence in who they are...help them make the best possible decisions.
Blessings
Now I present to you for your consideration how much time as a parent have you put into communicating a message of safety and good choice to your teen prior to this big event. Have you broached the subject of alcohol, drugs and sex? If you haven't you need to... right away. It is imperative that your teen understand that just because this is a big event in their life doesn't mean all the rules fly out the window. They aren't being given a 'get out of jail free' card to do whatever they want to just because it's prom time. Right and wrong still exist... legal and illegal still exist... and peer pressure may be even greater during this season of festivities. What are you instilling into your young ones? Are you renting the limo "just in case"? There shouldn't be a just in case scenario. It is amazing to me how many limo driver's "allow" drinking etc. in their limo's when they know darn well the kids are under age. Once again we see other turning a blind eye... I ask what does that say to the young people of this country?
Parent sit them down and let them know what your expectation are and how they must be responsible. Some of these young ones are getting ready to take their first steps into the real world in a month or so. They have to understand the importance of making the right choices when presented with behaviors that will compromise their futures. Standing strong against the crowd is brutal no doubt. But it's time for them to decide who they are... who they desire to be moving forward. One night of abandon could end tragically. This is no time to get wimpy parents... no time to let it be ok "just this once"... " kids will be kids"... "okay, just this once because it's the prom"... please don't take that stance. Take it once and your teen will remember it I assure you. They will remember the one time mom and dad said we'll let it slide and they will push the envelope at a later date.
Pray for the children my friends... pray for a safe prom season... pray over your child... give them the tools they need to make the right choices. God has so much for them to do, they are growing into the adults of the future. Send them forth with the right attitude, the right confidence in who they are...help them make the best possible decisions.
Blessings
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
One Size Part 2
Let me say again for the record that AA/NA are great programs! Folks have a lot of success utilizing the 12 steps. The majority of outpatient and inpatient rehabs use the AA/NA steps for helping addicts get into recovery. Great rehabs out there as well. Angela spent time in numerous rehab programs, the problem was she wasn't ready to stop using drugs. During the tender teen years I was not surprised by that... even though we all wanted her to "recover" teens think they are indestructible.
One of the main issues she had when she returned to the real world was finding AA/NA groups that had other teens attending on a regular basis. She had a hard enough time being around other teens let alone going to meetings where for the most part she was the only teen in the group. Unfortunately, meeting attendance for her became a horrible issue and she flatly refused to attend. Of course part of her issue with the "meetings" were the accountability factor... she hated that part. But I must also state that couple that aspect along with her mental health and self esteem issues, I understand why it was so torturous for her.
That's one of the reason that I want to see BrokenButLoved be able to start teen meetings only... where teens can deal with their special issues and feel more comfortable addressing their drug use. This is something that I am currently working towards. Bringing teens into an environment where they feel more secure, with their own age group... I see that as a great resource.
See - not every addict responds to one single course of treatment for addiction. There is no cookie cutter stamped program. I have gone rounds with some counselors when I made mention of that... they don't want to hear such things. But folks it's true... some youth respond differently than others... some learn differently than others... why wouldn't it stand to reason that not all kids will respond positively to only a 12 step program. The 12 steps are awesome and necessary... but it's a lot for a teenager to take in... to process and then to apply.
Angela knew the 12 steps backward and forward... but could not... or would not apply them. Recovery from drug addiction is very difficult... but possible. It takes time... and effort... teens and effort... well sometimes those two words do not go together... especially when they consider themselves invincible.
No perfect program... but many great ones... when treating a teen bringing the very best of many programs may just be the best solution. Never give up... Love them... forgive them... hold them accountable... talk...talk...talk.
Blessings
One of the main issues she had when she returned to the real world was finding AA/NA groups that had other teens attending on a regular basis. She had a hard enough time being around other teens let alone going to meetings where for the most part she was the only teen in the group. Unfortunately, meeting attendance for her became a horrible issue and she flatly refused to attend. Of course part of her issue with the "meetings" were the accountability factor... she hated that part. But I must also state that couple that aspect along with her mental health and self esteem issues, I understand why it was so torturous for her.
That's one of the reason that I want to see BrokenButLoved be able to start teen meetings only... where teens can deal with their special issues and feel more comfortable addressing their drug use. This is something that I am currently working towards. Bringing teens into an environment where they feel more secure, with their own age group... I see that as a great resource.
See - not every addict responds to one single course of treatment for addiction. There is no cookie cutter stamped program. I have gone rounds with some counselors when I made mention of that... they don't want to hear such things. But folks it's true... some youth respond differently than others... some learn differently than others... why wouldn't it stand to reason that not all kids will respond positively to only a 12 step program. The 12 steps are awesome and necessary... but it's a lot for a teenager to take in... to process and then to apply.
Angela knew the 12 steps backward and forward... but could not... or would not apply them. Recovery from drug addiction is very difficult... but possible. It takes time... and effort... teens and effort... well sometimes those two words do not go together... especially when they consider themselves invincible.
No perfect program... but many great ones... when treating a teen bringing the very best of many programs may just be the best solution. Never give up... Love them... forgive them... hold them accountable... talk...talk...talk.
Blessings
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
One size? Part 1
It would be so nice if drug addiction recovery had one single solution. Unfortunately, in my opinion and experience there is no "cookie cutter solution" available. It simply is not a one size fits all world. The same goes for those suffering from drug addiction and looking for a way out, looking for a rehab program that is going to cure all their ills. The truth be told there just isn't "one perfect program" that works for everybody.
I find that tweens/teens/young twenty-somethings have all types of other things going on with them that many adult addicts no longer deal with... peer pressure, parental pressure, hormones etc. This particular group needs even more special attention. They haven't found their "voice" yet. They are still in the early stages of seeking to find out where they belong. They've already thrown drug/alcohol abuse in to the mix so their waters are even more muddied than they should be. So, is there a perfect rehab program for our younger generation?
AA/NA are great programs please don't think I am stating otherwise. The only issue I take with these programs is the "God as you know him" or "you higher power". I am not sure how you feel, when it comes to our young ones giving them the option to define for themselves God as you know him or a higher power is dangerous business. It's hard enough for adults to make that definition. Our young bucks... well imagine how them might choose their God to be defined? Imagine how leaninet God might be with them? Now... if you teach them about God, about Jesus, about the Holy Spirit and why and how they are connected and influence our lives... well then you actually lay a foundation for their spiritual growth. You help them truly define and understand God... or at least begin to understand. Only through their own personal walk will they truly attain God's grace and how it helps with recovery.
Tomorrow I will continue this thought process... until then
Blessings
I find that tweens/teens/young twenty-somethings have all types of other things going on with them that many adult addicts no longer deal with... peer pressure, parental pressure, hormones etc. This particular group needs even more special attention. They haven't found their "voice" yet. They are still in the early stages of seeking to find out where they belong. They've already thrown drug/alcohol abuse in to the mix so their waters are even more muddied than they should be. So, is there a perfect rehab program for our younger generation?
AA/NA are great programs please don't think I am stating otherwise. The only issue I take with these programs is the "God as you know him" or "you higher power". I am not sure how you feel, when it comes to our young ones giving them the option to define for themselves God as you know him or a higher power is dangerous business. It's hard enough for adults to make that definition. Our young bucks... well imagine how them might choose their God to be defined? Imagine how leaninet God might be with them? Now... if you teach them about God, about Jesus, about the Holy Spirit and why and how they are connected and influence our lives... well then you actually lay a foundation for their spiritual growth. You help them truly define and understand God... or at least begin to understand. Only through their own personal walk will they truly attain God's grace and how it helps with recovery.
Tomorrow I will continue this thought process... until then
Blessings
Friday, April 16, 2010
Just one more nite
As I prepared for lights out my heart is a bit heavy. Earlier today I heard a parent saying to their young one some derogatory remarks that left me cold. I'm sure the young one was hurt by the remarks that made mention to a time when life was sweeter without them and much, much easier as well.
Of course the teenage mind pretends not to be affected by such rude and insensitive statements. The teenage posture is one of 'I'm tough - your words can't and don't hurt me' and yet inside... I imagine the shattering of fine crystal as their hearts and spirits are very fragile... we adults forget that because their exterior seems so impenetrable.
Parents... no matter what your child is going through, no matter how angry you might be right now, no matter what you should stop right now and thank God for them. Look around and count your blessings. If there is struggle in your life right now be thankful you are still breathing and ask God to help you in your situation. Pray for your children... pray for children every where. Tell your child(ren) you love them... love them... hug them... tousle their hair... make them smile... maybe even giggle... fill the house with the sweet laughter of childhood even if it is just for a moment... then the moment is gone. Some moments happen and then there is nothing.
There are no more tears to comfort... there are no more meetings to attend,, no more lectures to give... no more giggles... no more smiles... love them please... forgive them always...
What I wouldn't give for one more night with Angie... when more talk...hug... smile... tear... I Love You...
Blessings...thank you Lord for giving me 22 years with my baby girl
Of course the teenage mind pretends not to be affected by such rude and insensitive statements. The teenage posture is one of 'I'm tough - your words can't and don't hurt me' and yet inside... I imagine the shattering of fine crystal as their hearts and spirits are very fragile... we adults forget that because their exterior seems so impenetrable.
Parents... no matter what your child is going through, no matter how angry you might be right now, no matter what you should stop right now and thank God for them. Look around and count your blessings. If there is struggle in your life right now be thankful you are still breathing and ask God to help you in your situation. Pray for your children... pray for children every where. Tell your child(ren) you love them... love them... hug them... tousle their hair... make them smile... maybe even giggle... fill the house with the sweet laughter of childhood even if it is just for a moment... then the moment is gone. Some moments happen and then there is nothing.
There are no more tears to comfort... there are no more meetings to attend,, no more lectures to give... no more giggles... no more smiles... love them please... forgive them always...
What I wouldn't give for one more night with Angie... when more talk...hug... smile... tear... I Love You...
Blessings...thank you Lord for giving me 22 years with my baby girl
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
All that glitters
Angela liked things that sparkled. Anything that sparkled fascinated her from the time she was very small. Many parents out there have held a little one who was hypnotized with shining dangling ear rings, reaching out for them, grabbing on tightly whenever possible... Angela was no different... as she grew she her love for the sparkly things of life grew... glitter... glitter every where. Glitter for projects, glitter nail polish, glitter eye shadow... glittery dresses...how I miss those days.
One day her love for all that glittered was replaced with a sign on her door that said "All that glitters is NOT gold"... from that point on glitter lost its shine during the periods of her life when the lights went out and as heroin ruled the days and nights... as it extinguished what little light was left in my glitter gal... The crushing blow of drug use in our children deflates our own spirits... snuffs out the light within us. Relighting that flame feels impossible for the most part, but we continue the best we can, using our flashlights and wondering through the darkness looking for a way to save our child from the grips of drug use. There ought to be a parental safety switch right??? An emergency button we activate during worse case scenario's... and yet there is no such device. We are on our own.
How do you save someone who does not want to be saved... even if that someone is your child? You can't, plain and simply put, they have to want to save themselves. Now I am not saying that as parents we can't do every thing we possibly can to establish a process for healing. Yes, that we can do. We can establish boundaries, consequences to inappropriate actions and activities... that we can do... or at least attempt to do. Most importantly though, in my humble opinion is being fully present with them while they are struggling... help them learn how to process life and all that is happening to them. Love them, teach them... forgive them... so that when they are ready they know you are there for them. For most parents this process is long and excruciating... and patience wears thin... I get that, I totally understand, but do your very best to hang on even when you feel like throwing your hands in the air and saying "forget it...I'm done... you're on your own". When you feel like that pray... ask God to give you strength... re-assess the situation, regain your composure and keep going.
Remember... there is a great deal going on inside your young one right now... things you can't possibly know or even understand. Looking back...reading Angela's writings shed a great deal of light on those things... the places I couldn't reach...I am sharing one of her writing with you all...
Seven ~Angela M. Faus~
I don't hate you for what you are,
but for what you represent.
The happiness in your eyes,
isn't a lie,
the life that flows from you,
makes me want to cry.
because you're everything I want to be.
Somethings we as parents will never understand... I must go now and cry... I still do that you know... cry for yesterday... cry for all the tomorrows that will never come... cry for all those kids I can't reach and for all the parents I can't help.
Blessings
One day her love for all that glittered was replaced with a sign on her door that said "All that glitters is NOT gold"... from that point on glitter lost its shine during the periods of her life when the lights went out and as heroin ruled the days and nights... as it extinguished what little light was left in my glitter gal... The crushing blow of drug use in our children deflates our own spirits... snuffs out the light within us. Relighting that flame feels impossible for the most part, but we continue the best we can, using our flashlights and wondering through the darkness looking for a way to save our child from the grips of drug use. There ought to be a parental safety switch right??? An emergency button we activate during worse case scenario's... and yet there is no such device. We are on our own.
How do you save someone who does not want to be saved... even if that someone is your child? You can't, plain and simply put, they have to want to save themselves. Now I am not saying that as parents we can't do every thing we possibly can to establish a process for healing. Yes, that we can do. We can establish boundaries, consequences to inappropriate actions and activities... that we can do... or at least attempt to do. Most importantly though, in my humble opinion is being fully present with them while they are struggling... help them learn how to process life and all that is happening to them. Love them, teach them... forgive them... so that when they are ready they know you are there for them. For most parents this process is long and excruciating... and patience wears thin... I get that, I totally understand, but do your very best to hang on even when you feel like throwing your hands in the air and saying "forget it...I'm done... you're on your own". When you feel like that pray... ask God to give you strength... re-assess the situation, regain your composure and keep going.
Remember... there is a great deal going on inside your young one right now... things you can't possibly know or even understand. Looking back...reading Angela's writings shed a great deal of light on those things... the places I couldn't reach...I am sharing one of her writing with you all...
Seven ~Angela M. Faus~
I don't hate you for what you are,
but for what you represent.
The happiness in your eyes,
isn't a lie,
the life that flows from you,
makes me want to cry.
because you're everything I want to be.
Somethings we as parents will never understand... I must go now and cry... I still do that you know... cry for yesterday... cry for all the tomorrows that will never come... cry for all those kids I can't reach and for all the parents I can't help.
Blessings
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Fear
So, the anger is subsiding... and the parental lobe is shifting into second gear and you are full of fear. Fearful you should be because drugs on any level is pulls your child into a danger zone unknown to you prior to this experience.
What kinds of drugs are they using? How long have they been using? Why? Why? Why? How introduced them to drugs, where are they getting them, where are they using them? Your mind is racing as well it should be, think it through. Think about their recent behavior patterns. Have they changed? When did they change? Are they talking about new friends? Are they talking at all?
Drugs and alcohol use in tweens/teens is even more dangerous if they are mixing it up a bit. Please don't be soothed if you find out that marijuana is their drug of choice. I can't stress enough that minimizing the use of marijuana makes the drug even more dangerous. Does that make sense to you? Think about it for a moment. Whenever we as human minimize the risk of anything in life we may possibly find it creeping into our lives and out of control.
Your young one isn't going to get the fear issue. At their young age they feel they are invincable. They will let you know quickly that you are blowing this way out of proportion and this is no big deal. You may hear "this is the first time I ever tried this stuff"... don't buy it folks. It is very unusal for a parent to catch them in the act the very first time. I am not surprised by the reaction I get from parents that their child just started using... I was once in that spot, in denial. I understand it completely. Denial protects us as parents from knowing more than we care to know. But the quicker you get over the denial issue the better off you and your young one will be.
Denial kills. It kills relationships, it kills addicts... it kills our young ones as well. Face your fear and process it... think it through... figure on the worse case scenario. How will you handle it? Think of the best case scenario...is there one? Yes there can be because hopefully you have been alerted to the drug use in its early stages.
It is important that you do not allow yourself to be frozen by fear. Take a deep breathe, think it through. Expect the best outcome but prepare for the worse one. Again, you must own your fear, feel it and put it away. I have never experience a good response from my daughter when I approached the situation being motivated by anger or fear. So while your fears are justified do not let them consume you. Think it through... parents talk it out and prepare for the next phase.
God bless you... look to God and pray for wisdom.
What kinds of drugs are they using? How long have they been using? Why? Why? Why? How introduced them to drugs, where are they getting them, where are they using them? Your mind is racing as well it should be, think it through. Think about their recent behavior patterns. Have they changed? When did they change? Are they talking about new friends? Are they talking at all?
Drugs and alcohol use in tweens/teens is even more dangerous if they are mixing it up a bit. Please don't be soothed if you find out that marijuana is their drug of choice. I can't stress enough that minimizing the use of marijuana makes the drug even more dangerous. Does that make sense to you? Think about it for a moment. Whenever we as human minimize the risk of anything in life we may possibly find it creeping into our lives and out of control.
Your young one isn't going to get the fear issue. At their young age they feel they are invincable. They will let you know quickly that you are blowing this way out of proportion and this is no big deal. You may hear "this is the first time I ever tried this stuff"... don't buy it folks. It is very unusal for a parent to catch them in the act the very first time. I am not surprised by the reaction I get from parents that their child just started using... I was once in that spot, in denial. I understand it completely. Denial protects us as parents from knowing more than we care to know. But the quicker you get over the denial issue the better off you and your young one will be.
Denial kills. It kills relationships, it kills addicts... it kills our young ones as well. Face your fear and process it... think it through... figure on the worse case scenario. How will you handle it? Think of the best case scenario...is there one? Yes there can be because hopefully you have been alerted to the drug use in its early stages.
It is important that you do not allow yourself to be frozen by fear. Take a deep breathe, think it through. Expect the best outcome but prepare for the worse one. Again, you must own your fear, feel it and put it away. I have never experience a good response from my daughter when I approached the situation being motivated by anger or fear. So while your fears are justified do not let them consume you. Think it through... parents talk it out and prepare for the next phase.
God bless you... look to God and pray for wisdom.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Scars of War
During my daughters 9 years of drug addiction she went through numerous stretches of soberity. Sometimes they were long periods and sometimes... not so long. Battling heroin addiction is like trying to swim in the ocean with your arms and legs bound while being stung by a school of jellyfish. It is heart wrenching to witness knowing that you are helpless to do anything but love them.
It was during a lengthy stint of soberity that Ang was working as a waitress at an all night dining establishment. She was a great waitress and worked very hard to please everyone. When she was sober she was amazing at everything... simply everything!!! So, I went into the "restaurant" for breakfast and she was visably upset beyong words. With tears in her eyes she said to me "This guy saw my track marks and said 'oh gross she's a junkie, look at her arms man the girls a dope whore'". My heart broke into a million pieces right there on the stool. She was like "Mom, here I am trying so hard and yet the scars remain.. a constant reminder, everyday, every minute... and the world is full of jerks!"
She took a break and we walked outside. Me personally - I wanted to break the guy in half but unfortunately he wasn't there. I told her honey - jerks are everywhere and that guy well he was a jerk. I tried so hard to get her to see how powerful she really was... how valiantly she was fighting a dragon far, far bigger than she. I told her I was proud of her hard work and that I loved her more than "infinity much" (which was something she used to tell me when she was little - with her arms out-stretched) and always would be there for her. She settled down and went back to work. But that day, that very day another scar was added my baby girl - this time to her heart, not her arms.
That new scar, along with the ones she was already carrying both inside and outside proved to be another back breaker for her. This stint of clean time was coming to an end - again. See for those young folks suffering from addiction there is a very fine line between giving up and staying sober. They are young, filled with fear and lacking the wisdom that comes with age. If only I could have given her the strength to make her stronger... alas I could not... love was all I had to truly give her... loving arms, a shoulder to rest upon and the words of God whispered into her ears.
I miss her so much...
Blessings
It was during a lengthy stint of soberity that Ang was working as a waitress at an all night dining establishment. She was a great waitress and worked very hard to please everyone. When she was sober she was amazing at everything... simply everything!!! So, I went into the "restaurant" for breakfast and she was visably upset beyong words. With tears in her eyes she said to me "This guy saw my track marks and said 'oh gross she's a junkie, look at her arms man the girls a dope whore'". My heart broke into a million pieces right there on the stool. She was like "Mom, here I am trying so hard and yet the scars remain.. a constant reminder, everyday, every minute... and the world is full of jerks!"
She took a break and we walked outside. Me personally - I wanted to break the guy in half but unfortunately he wasn't there. I told her honey - jerks are everywhere and that guy well he was a jerk. I tried so hard to get her to see how powerful she really was... how valiantly she was fighting a dragon far, far bigger than she. I told her I was proud of her hard work and that I loved her more than "infinity much" (which was something she used to tell me when she was little - with her arms out-stretched) and always would be there for her. She settled down and went back to work. But that day, that very day another scar was added my baby girl - this time to her heart, not her arms.
That new scar, along with the ones she was already carrying both inside and outside proved to be another back breaker for her. This stint of clean time was coming to an end - again. See for those young folks suffering from addiction there is a very fine line between giving up and staying sober. They are young, filled with fear and lacking the wisdom that comes with age. If only I could have given her the strength to make her stronger... alas I could not... love was all I had to truly give her... loving arms, a shoulder to rest upon and the words of God whispered into her ears.
I miss her so much...
Blessings
Monday, April 5, 2010
Distressed Parenting
I just can't believe the number of parents that are getting high with their children. In some areas it is worse than others but that fact that I have to address this issue at all causes my heart great pain.
Our children look to us for guidance, support, life lessons, the difference between right and wrong. While raising a family so many issues we are faced with are not black and white... they are varying shades of gray. But there is one issue we are dealing with right here and it is drugs are illegal!!! Not only are marijuana, cocaine, crack, heroin, mushrooms etc... extremely damaging to your health (both physical and mental) and potentially deadly but I repeat they are illegal.
It is a parents job to teach their children to respect the law, the system and the government even if they do not agree with them. There are many laws and situations that I myself may not agree with, however, that does not give me the right to break the law, just because it doesn't suit my personal preferences. No one has that right! It is imperative that children learn laws are put in place for a reason and regardless of our personal opinion they are to be obeyed.
What kind of example are parents that actually get high with their kids setting for them? What kind of respect will these young people show other adults in authority and eventually - what kind of respect will they grow to have for their own parents?? My guess is little or none! The frivolous pursuit of attaining a high, an illegal high to top it off... squandering money on illegal drugs, risking their own freedom and the welfare of their children is irresponsible and potentially deadly. This does not show lack of love per say... but it does show an inability to think and reason clearly when it comes of responsible parenting.
I want to make myself very clear in that I understand the trappings of addiction.I condemn or judge no one with addictions issues. But there is never a good reason to pull a child into that set of circumstances. It is the responsibility of the adult with the personal issue of addiction to get help with their recovery - not to offer their own child or someone else's child the option of getting high with them. That action I condemn whole-heartedly. I've thought through this issue quite thoroughly and cannot find any good reason for a parent to get high with their children.
We too often turn our heads from these situations because we have become a society of "me" and not "we". It really is time for us to start caring for each other, helping each other and not leaving today's youth to fend for themselves when a situation such as this is part of their up bringing.
I ask you, if you know of a situation such as what I have described, please notify someone. Perhaps, a school guidance counselor, local authority figure... clergy... someone... reach out and give a child in this dangerous state and opportunity to grow up drug free. Doing so will perhaps give the parents involved as reason... an eye opening reason to clean up their lives, to stay in recovery and be able to teach and love their children as they deserve to be parented.
God bless...
Our children look to us for guidance, support, life lessons, the difference between right and wrong. While raising a family so many issues we are faced with are not black and white... they are varying shades of gray. But there is one issue we are dealing with right here and it is drugs are illegal!!! Not only are marijuana, cocaine, crack, heroin, mushrooms etc... extremely damaging to your health (both physical and mental) and potentially deadly but I repeat they are illegal.
It is a parents job to teach their children to respect the law, the system and the government even if they do not agree with them. There are many laws and situations that I myself may not agree with, however, that does not give me the right to break the law, just because it doesn't suit my personal preferences. No one has that right! It is imperative that children learn laws are put in place for a reason and regardless of our personal opinion they are to be obeyed.
What kind of example are parents that actually get high with their kids setting for them? What kind of respect will these young people show other adults in authority and eventually - what kind of respect will they grow to have for their own parents?? My guess is little or none! The frivolous pursuit of attaining a high, an illegal high to top it off... squandering money on illegal drugs, risking their own freedom and the welfare of their children is irresponsible and potentially deadly. This does not show lack of love per say... but it does show an inability to think and reason clearly when it comes of responsible parenting.
I want to make myself very clear in that I understand the trappings of addiction.I condemn or judge no one with addictions issues. But there is never a good reason to pull a child into that set of circumstances. It is the responsibility of the adult with the personal issue of addiction to get help with their recovery - not to offer their own child or someone else's child the option of getting high with them. That action I condemn whole-heartedly. I've thought through this issue quite thoroughly and cannot find any good reason for a parent to get high with their children.
We too often turn our heads from these situations because we have become a society of "me" and not "we". It really is time for us to start caring for each other, helping each other and not leaving today's youth to fend for themselves when a situation such as this is part of their up bringing.
I ask you, if you know of a situation such as what I have described, please notify someone. Perhaps, a school guidance counselor, local authority figure... clergy... someone... reach out and give a child in this dangerous state and opportunity to grow up drug free. Doing so will perhaps give the parents involved as reason... an eye opening reason to clean up their lives, to stay in recovery and be able to teach and love their children as they deserve to be parented.
God bless...
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Daughters-Daddys Part 2
Yes the bond between daughters and their daddy’s is unique and special. Sadly, not every little girl has a daddy in their life; some little girls have their daddy but he may not be a positive influence in her upbringing. It’s a worldwide epidemic – the one parent household. It affects boys and girls but today we are focused on the girls.
What do you do if there isn’t a positive male role model for the little girl in your life? How do you fill the cosmic void that is left when daddy isn’t there… or isn’t able to handle his parental duties? Some men – as with women – just do not have the parental instinct, the desire or the ability to learn how to parent effectively. It is the children that suffer when met with this reality. Is there a solution, a remedy for the missing “daddy”?
While there is no one that can take the place of a loving, ever present daddy in a little girl’s life in some fashion it is important that they are exposed to positive, loving attention from a positive male role model. Single mothers must be intelligent, fussy, picky about whom that male will be; throwing them in to the arms of just anyone in order to bring the male perspective into the mix can be disastrous.
In our personal situation my own dad took on this very important role from the birth of my daughter. When her father walked away for good he took on more and more “responsibility” of being that surrogate. Sadly, even those we love dearly are not always going to maintain the status quo. As I mentioned before his life took a different turn and that left my little girl out in the cold again… twice “abandoned” by a supposedly “forever” prominent male figure in her life. I should have had a backup plan; I should have exposed her to more than one positive male. I certainly don’t mean that I should have thrown her to “wolves”… just anyone of the correct sex. I was at a disadvantage in that I am an only child with no uncles that lived even remotely close to our home.
So, there I was once again left to pick up the pieces of someone else’s mess that cut deeply into the heart of my precious little girl. Its gut wrenching to try and explain why once again why another man in her life has abandoned her. Having to discuss the reality of the fragile human condition with a six year old is cruel and unusual punishment, far too many single parents must be at the ready to do just that.
Be careful, very careful with whom you trust to help with all things connected to raising your little girl. Do you have a father, a brother, an uncle within your family that could bring positive experiences to your daughter’s life? Is there someone in your closest circle of friends, someone at your church that would be willing to spend time with her in a loving fashion? Consider it carefully, talk with them… they are not expected to become the household “daddy”. Explain what you need from them, set the boundaries from the get-go. You can’t begin to lean on them for parenting responsibilities but you can ask them if they would be willing to lend the male expertise in order to give your daughter the “male stuff” she needs in order to get the full scope and understanding of life, love and the development of relationships.
I would not expose her to a revolving door of men, or try and replace the daddy figure with a boyfriend that might only be a temporary figure in her life. Stability is the key, a strong, stable, positive relationship with a male who can give her a look into the positive male psyche. Even little girls see into the soul of those they meet. They may not at a young age be able to articulate what they gleam from those they meet, but they certainly have a better understanding of an individual’s character then we give them credit for.
There are wonderful organizations such as Big Brothers/Big Sisters that offer help in this area as well. Don’t be afraid to seek them out for help. It is much better to turn to this type of reputable organization then to let your daughter “wing it”.
I know I wish I had the chance to do things differently with my own daughter.
In her teenage years it became very clear that her self-esteem and self-image were low. She either chose young men she could control, ones that were abusive to her, or older men that took advantage of her on every level. Her abandonment issues created so much pain within her and she truly didn’t understand that she deserved so much better than the young men she kept choosing in her relationships. As her mother I tried to teach her and she understood where I was coming from… but as she saw it… men come and go… and she couldn’t trust them to stay regardless of who she choose. Things went downhill from there folks… abusive men… drugs… pain… death.
God bless you in your search… God bless you in all areas of your life. Remember to always watch over your little princess…even when she becomes a "tween"/teenager (and seems unlovable at times) because she is a GIFT from God.
Blessings
What do you do if there isn’t a positive male role model for the little girl in your life? How do you fill the cosmic void that is left when daddy isn’t there… or isn’t able to handle his parental duties? Some men – as with women – just do not have the parental instinct, the desire or the ability to learn how to parent effectively. It is the children that suffer when met with this reality. Is there a solution, a remedy for the missing “daddy”?
While there is no one that can take the place of a loving, ever present daddy in a little girl’s life in some fashion it is important that they are exposed to positive, loving attention from a positive male role model. Single mothers must be intelligent, fussy, picky about whom that male will be; throwing them in to the arms of just anyone in order to bring the male perspective into the mix can be disastrous.
In our personal situation my own dad took on this very important role from the birth of my daughter. When her father walked away for good he took on more and more “responsibility” of being that surrogate. Sadly, even those we love dearly are not always going to maintain the status quo. As I mentioned before his life took a different turn and that left my little girl out in the cold again… twice “abandoned” by a supposedly “forever” prominent male figure in her life. I should have had a backup plan; I should have exposed her to more than one positive male. I certainly don’t mean that I should have thrown her to “wolves”… just anyone of the correct sex. I was at a disadvantage in that I am an only child with no uncles that lived even remotely close to our home.
So, there I was once again left to pick up the pieces of someone else’s mess that cut deeply into the heart of my precious little girl. Its gut wrenching to try and explain why once again why another man in her life has abandoned her. Having to discuss the reality of the fragile human condition with a six year old is cruel and unusual punishment, far too many single parents must be at the ready to do just that.
Be careful, very careful with whom you trust to help with all things connected to raising your little girl. Do you have a father, a brother, an uncle within your family that could bring positive experiences to your daughter’s life? Is there someone in your closest circle of friends, someone at your church that would be willing to spend time with her in a loving fashion? Consider it carefully, talk with them… they are not expected to become the household “daddy”. Explain what you need from them, set the boundaries from the get-go. You can’t begin to lean on them for parenting responsibilities but you can ask them if they would be willing to lend the male expertise in order to give your daughter the “male stuff” she needs in order to get the full scope and understanding of life, love and the development of relationships.
I would not expose her to a revolving door of men, or try and replace the daddy figure with a boyfriend that might only be a temporary figure in her life. Stability is the key, a strong, stable, positive relationship with a male who can give her a look into the positive male psyche. Even little girls see into the soul of those they meet. They may not at a young age be able to articulate what they gleam from those they meet, but they certainly have a better understanding of an individual’s character then we give them credit for.
There are wonderful organizations such as Big Brothers/Big Sisters that offer help in this area as well. Don’t be afraid to seek them out for help. It is much better to turn to this type of reputable organization then to let your daughter “wing it”.
I know I wish I had the chance to do things differently with my own daughter.
In her teenage years it became very clear that her self-esteem and self-image were low. She either chose young men she could control, ones that were abusive to her, or older men that took advantage of her on every level. Her abandonment issues created so much pain within her and she truly didn’t understand that she deserved so much better than the young men she kept choosing in her relationships. As her mother I tried to teach her and she understood where I was coming from… but as she saw it… men come and go… and she couldn’t trust them to stay regardless of who she choose. Things went downhill from there folks… abusive men… drugs… pain… death.
God bless you in your search… God bless you in all areas of your life. Remember to always watch over your little princess…even when she becomes a "tween"/teenager (and seems unlovable at times) because she is a GIFT from God.
Blessings
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Daughters-Daddys Part 1
Little girls need their Moms - no argument there. They need the special something that only a woman’s touch can give to them (I touch on that next week). Just as importantly - they need their Daddy's just as much. Little girls grow up to be woman and those that grow up without a positive male role model often suffer on so many levels. There is so much that only a Daddy can teach them. Take note that I said a positive male role model, not just anyone who happens to be male.
My daughter’s birth father walked away from her at the tender age of three, just a few years after we divorced. Thankfully at that point in her life she still had constant contact with her Grampy which gave her in bits and pieces access to a positive, loving male figure. He doted over her, loved her gently and compassionately. But as life would have it his life turned in another direction and the time they spent together as she began to grow up became sporadic and then distant. I remember how her little heart would break when she asked “why doesn’t Grampy come around anymore”.
As a single mother I did my very best to be both mother and father to her. I worked diligently at teaching her "guy stuff" like how to play baseball and shoot a basketball, how to roller skate and build stuff. She loved to work with her hands as my dad taught her and I tried to follow through but I know I feel short of being a good male figure in her life. What I learned much later is that is wasn't the "guy stuff" I was teaching her that was the really important part. What she longed for was the emotional connection with a strong male figure. The real void was the “guy way”, you know the way that men think, feel and react to life. She missed out on that very special bond that grows between and daughter and her Daddy.
There is a special way a Daddy holds his little girls hand, the look he gives her that lets her know she is the most beautiful girl in the universe. Little girls pick up on those things. Girls need to see a positive male figure to understand how woman are suppose to be treated. They need to see woman in their lives being treated with respect, to witness them being loved and cherished by their partner. The key word here is witness. It’s one thing to be told how to be treated; however, actions speak volumes over mere words alone. How else are they going to really know what they should demand from relationships later in life? It is one thing to see a woman of strength moving through life and taking care of business. It is another to see that woman of strength being cherished for who she is by the partner that loves her.
Sadly, no matter how hard I tried to be both Mommy and Daddy, she suffered from lack of proper male role models. She needed to be shown by a man how very special she was and that she deserved to be treated like a princess. Not spoiled or totally dependent on a man that's not what I mean at all. She needed to see that she could be anyone she wanted to be and still find someone in her future that would treat her with kindness, respect and be her equal partner moving forward in her life. Daddies your little girls are going to grow up to be woman – daddies teach them how to love and what to expect in return. There is something mystical about the strength of a father in the eyes of his little girl. My Daddy passed a way over a year ago and at 47 I still think he was magical. How I miss him.
Daddy’s everywhere (or other wonderful positive male role models) you need to spend time with you daughters at every age. If you make the effort to be actively involved with them from birth everyone comes out a winner. If you are not careful you will miss there progression from toddler to woman – life happens so quickly. There is no shame in a grown man playing Barbie’s, tea party… or dancing with their little girls. Don't let the “tween” and teen years scare you into hibernation stay with them, be involved in their life. Take them for pizza or ice cream. A night with Dad could turn into a great conversation night and a time to show your growing little girl what you are made of - the grown up stuff. You helped to bring her into this world... don't let it end there. She needs to know she can count on you to be there...always. She wants to know you, even if you don’t think so – in secret she longs to be close to you and to know that you love her.
Dysfunctional relationships, low self esteem, poor self image are all big factors in young women turning to destructive behaviors, e.i. drugs, alcohol, early sexual activity. From the time they are small girls are bombarded by TV, magazines, and now the Internet showing them images of how women are suppose to look, dress and behave. Don't let the the media direct your daughter's thought process and base who she is on what the media tells her to be. Your direction here is very important... very important- do not underestimate your power as a source for your daughter's decision making process.
Help her to have a life filled with nurturing, functional relationships... show her, teach her that she deserves a future full of love and joy. Let her always be Daddy's little princess - a precious, unique gift from God!!!
Blessings
My daughter’s birth father walked away from her at the tender age of three, just a few years after we divorced. Thankfully at that point in her life she still had constant contact with her Grampy which gave her in bits and pieces access to a positive, loving male figure. He doted over her, loved her gently and compassionately. But as life would have it his life turned in another direction and the time they spent together as she began to grow up became sporadic and then distant. I remember how her little heart would break when she asked “why doesn’t Grampy come around anymore”.
As a single mother I did my very best to be both mother and father to her. I worked diligently at teaching her "guy stuff" like how to play baseball and shoot a basketball, how to roller skate and build stuff. She loved to work with her hands as my dad taught her and I tried to follow through but I know I feel short of being a good male figure in her life. What I learned much later is that is wasn't the "guy stuff" I was teaching her that was the really important part. What she longed for was the emotional connection with a strong male figure. The real void was the “guy way”, you know the way that men think, feel and react to life. She missed out on that very special bond that grows between and daughter and her Daddy.
There is a special way a Daddy holds his little girls hand, the look he gives her that lets her know she is the most beautiful girl in the universe. Little girls pick up on those things. Girls need to see a positive male figure to understand how woman are suppose to be treated. They need to see woman in their lives being treated with respect, to witness them being loved and cherished by their partner. The key word here is witness. It’s one thing to be told how to be treated; however, actions speak volumes over mere words alone. How else are they going to really know what they should demand from relationships later in life? It is one thing to see a woman of strength moving through life and taking care of business. It is another to see that woman of strength being cherished for who she is by the partner that loves her.
Sadly, no matter how hard I tried to be both Mommy and Daddy, she suffered from lack of proper male role models. She needed to be shown by a man how very special she was and that she deserved to be treated like a princess. Not spoiled or totally dependent on a man that's not what I mean at all. She needed to see that she could be anyone she wanted to be and still find someone in her future that would treat her with kindness, respect and be her equal partner moving forward in her life. Daddies your little girls are going to grow up to be woman – daddies teach them how to love and what to expect in return. There is something mystical about the strength of a father in the eyes of his little girl. My Daddy passed a way over a year ago and at 47 I still think he was magical. How I miss him.
Daddy’s everywhere (or other wonderful positive male role models) you need to spend time with you daughters at every age. If you make the effort to be actively involved with them from birth everyone comes out a winner. If you are not careful you will miss there progression from toddler to woman – life happens so quickly. There is no shame in a grown man playing Barbie’s, tea party… or dancing with their little girls. Don't let the “tween” and teen years scare you into hibernation stay with them, be involved in their life. Take them for pizza or ice cream. A night with Dad could turn into a great conversation night and a time to show your growing little girl what you are made of - the grown up stuff. You helped to bring her into this world... don't let it end there. She needs to know she can count on you to be there...always. She wants to know you, even if you don’t think so – in secret she longs to be close to you and to know that you love her.
Dysfunctional relationships, low self esteem, poor self image are all big factors in young women turning to destructive behaviors, e.i. drugs, alcohol, early sexual activity. From the time they are small girls are bombarded by TV, magazines, and now the Internet showing them images of how women are suppose to look, dress and behave. Don't let the the media direct your daughter's thought process and base who she is on what the media tells her to be. Your direction here is very important... very important- do not underestimate your power as a source for your daughter's decision making process.
Help her to have a life filled with nurturing, functional relationships... show her, teach her that she deserves a future full of love and joy. Let her always be Daddy's little princess - a precious, unique gift from God!!!
Blessings
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
A call from God
As I was running errands today I was listening to the radio and the announcer was talking about spiritual gifts and how different folks are called to minister in different ways and each individual must discern what their gifts actually are and how to use them. I always had a gift for gab and I was never afraid to speak in front of a crowd, but I never would have thought that God would lead me to this place.
I remember as my daughter's addiction became more intense and we were all dealing with the stress, pain and fear of the situation it occured to me that I was pretty tough (ha! little did I know at the time it wasn't my strength at all). I loved her so much, I would do anything and everything to try and save her, even if she didn't want to be saved... (ahhh the rub of addiction... we can't save anyone who doesn't want to be saved.) I was so glad that she was my daughter, that God blessed me with her. What if she had ended up with a mother that just threw her away instead of loving her unconditionally? I thanked God for her precious life. I knew God then, I believe in Christ then... but what I didn't know was that God was ever more present than I ever knew... I did not at that point have a real, true relationship with my Jesus.
So much pain in drug addiction, so much fear, every moment is filled with uncertainity... where is she tonight? Is she safe? Is she alive? When is she coming home. Sleeplessness... night after night... walking the city streets at 2:00 am looking for her... facing drug dealers on their turf... God was surely protecting me... every night I was there asking the Lord to protect my baby girl where ever she was and to save her from this horrible drug. Heal her please dear Lord... heal her.
And then he did... one Sept. 1, 2007... he took my baby home... He healed her scars, He restored her peace and she rests with Him... serving Him... filled with Joy!!!
And I... well I gather my strength every day from God, my Lord fills me with His presence and I step out again and again to tell our story... her story... to try and reach as many young people and their parents as I can. Fulfilling my calling from God. Thank you Lord for loving me and directing me.
Dear Heavenly Father... watch over these young ones - let them come to know you and be set free from drugs and alcohol. Let them grow drug free to find their own calling - a gift from you. In Jesus' name. Amen
I love you pumpkin..
Blessings
I remember as my daughter's addiction became more intense and we were all dealing with the stress, pain and fear of the situation it occured to me that I was pretty tough (ha! little did I know at the time it wasn't my strength at all). I loved her so much, I would do anything and everything to try and save her, even if she didn't want to be saved... (ahhh the rub of addiction... we can't save anyone who doesn't want to be saved.) I was so glad that she was my daughter, that God blessed me with her. What if she had ended up with a mother that just threw her away instead of loving her unconditionally? I thanked God for her precious life. I knew God then, I believe in Christ then... but what I didn't know was that God was ever more present than I ever knew... I did not at that point have a real, true relationship with my Jesus.
So much pain in drug addiction, so much fear, every moment is filled with uncertainity... where is she tonight? Is she safe? Is she alive? When is she coming home. Sleeplessness... night after night... walking the city streets at 2:00 am looking for her... facing drug dealers on their turf... God was surely protecting me... every night I was there asking the Lord to protect my baby girl where ever she was and to save her from this horrible drug. Heal her please dear Lord... heal her.
And then he did... one Sept. 1, 2007... he took my baby home... He healed her scars, He restored her peace and she rests with Him... serving Him... filled with Joy!!!
And I... well I gather my strength every day from God, my Lord fills me with His presence and I step out again and again to tell our story... her story... to try and reach as many young people and their parents as I can. Fulfilling my calling from God. Thank you Lord for loving me and directing me.
Dear Heavenly Father... watch over these young ones - let them come to know you and be set free from drugs and alcohol. Let them grow drug free to find their own calling - a gift from you. In Jesus' name. Amen
I love you pumpkin..
Blessings
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