How often do you take what you hear at face value, excepting it for truth? Do you find yourself perhaps doing a little reading between the lines? Before you answer consider if you are actively listening, fully in the moment; or are you distracted your mind wandering in numerous other directions?
Being an active listener is something that most of us have to learn. Our minds are so cluttered with the business of daily living that we are often times not completely “tuned in” when others are speaking to us. This is especially true with our youth, when they want to talk, you need to be listening. You need to be fully engaged at that very moment. It’s not just about what is being said, but how it is being said; are they looking you in the eyes when they are speaking? What is their body language telling you? Are you only being feed that which they think you want to hear? Are their important missing pieces that need to be flushed out? Yea, I know so much for parents to consider. Can’t we just have a normal conversation with our teens, one in which we just talk. Sometimes yes, absolutely – other times the consequences of what appears to be a simple conversation could result in something more serious. That is why regardless you need to give them your complete undivided attention.
When young people become involved with drugs/alcohol on any level of consumption it’s a deal changer. I have heard many parents (more than I care to think about) be very unconcerned when their teens are “experimenting with drugs/alcohol”. Experimenting are you kidding me??? Do you know how many experiments turn out badly, even deadly? We are not talking about a controlled environment here. Their experimentation is not controlled in any way. There isn’t anyone standing by their side in case it blows up. If you are minimizing their use of pot or alcohol or whatever it is then shame on you! Seriously, why would you do that in the first place? Is it because ‘hey I did it and I turned out okay”, or maybe you don’t consider it enough of a threat to their life at this point to be worried about it. Well, your wakeup call is here folks! It’s your responsibility as a parent to let them know how unacceptable their behavior is and to do everything you can to contain it and curtail it. Knowledge is power, but only if it is put into action.
If your child is involved in the drug/alcohol culture already then be prepared to be lied to, over and over again. You think not? Ahh, you would be wrong. That’s where you need to be listening, really listening. Watching… their friends (have they changed recently); their personal habits; their family involvement or lack thereof; their grades; their overall attitude. Ok, so you’re thinking that seems like a great deal of extra work, hmmmm shouldn’t you be doing that anyway? Don’t get me wrong, I remember missing very important details when my daughter was in the throes of drug use. We all do the best we can, but do it! It’s that important. Every moment is a teachable moment… use each one you get and live what you teach. They are certainly watching you.
Pray for our youth… everywhere… everyday!
God Bless!
Showing posts with label drugs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drugs. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
What are we teaching our children??
Last week during one of my youth drug and alcohol meetings I had a beautiful young woman with eyes filled with fear say “this has been my whole life for four years”. Sadly, she was referring to smoking pot, a large amount of it daily, sprinkled with alcohol and a plethora of pills and other narcotics over the last four years of her life. She is currently 17 years of age. I watched carefully her reactions to my words and questions. Her eyes clearly showed a deep fear and anxiety about getting off of probation and no longer being under someone’s supervisor. She didn’t have a clue how she was going to deal with her new freedom once it was granted. What was she going to be able to pull from deep inside herself to conquer something that clearly had become her whole life; her words not mine. I wondered as I finished up and left the group if she had the proper support system in place to help her conquer her drug use which has been her coping mechanism since the tender age of 13. Or would she wind up like so many other young people out there on their own trying to figure it out and ending up in a lost situation, moving on to bigger quantities of more toxic, dangerous narcotics.
Drug users, drug addicts… wow people sure do have their opinions on the value of their lives. Sad really that so many folks just decide without any real knowledge of addiction to label these individuals as worthless, trash, lazy, and quite frankly those are just a few that are fit to print. How quickly so many are to judge and label their fellow man. I personally find it deplorable; placing labels on anyone. I talk with so many young drug users who had been labeled by their family members. These labels stick folks and it’s difficult for young ones to break free from them. More likely they conform to them because most of today’s youth aren’t taught how to rise above their circumstances. They aren’t given the tools they need to figure out how to become all they are meant to be.
Most of us, as parents are so busy trying to raise happy children that we forget to raise skilled children; children with the skills to cope responsibility with life and whatever gets thrown their way. Society is also busy making sure to gift our children self-esteem. Everyone gets a trophy regardless of whether they have earned it or not. Awards are often given out for less than stellar performance even within the academic community. What does that teach our children? Does it teach them to work to be exceptional? We do so much for them and then expect as they grow up for them to “reach inside and count on themselves” to figure everything out. We expect them to know how to deal with failures and accolades, rejection and popularity. What happens when they fail to our expectations or their own and their inner strength isn’t enough?
Ah, okay you’re probably thinking… I wondered when she was going to go there. Well, yes I am going to go there. Are we failing to teach our children faith, faith in God? We are so busy teaching them things of this world and yet we don’t give them the opportunity to even explore faith in Christ. Why is that? Don’t they deserve the chance to know there is a living God that they can draw near to for strength and comfort? Don’t our young people deserve to know that they don’t have to go through life depending on just their inner strength to navigate through life’s maze of twists and turns?
I wonder if the young woman I mentioned earlier is equipped with the tools of faith to help her on her journey to stay drug free. I wonder if she was taught that she is truly special and truly worthy of having a life filled with joy. I wonder if she knows that she isn’t alone in her fight; that she is loved unconditionally!
Blessings!
Drug users, drug addicts… wow people sure do have their opinions on the value of their lives. Sad really that so many folks just decide without any real knowledge of addiction to label these individuals as worthless, trash, lazy, and quite frankly those are just a few that are fit to print. How quickly so many are to judge and label their fellow man. I personally find it deplorable; placing labels on anyone. I talk with so many young drug users who had been labeled by their family members. These labels stick folks and it’s difficult for young ones to break free from them. More likely they conform to them because most of today’s youth aren’t taught how to rise above their circumstances. They aren’t given the tools they need to figure out how to become all they are meant to be.
Most of us, as parents are so busy trying to raise happy children that we forget to raise skilled children; children with the skills to cope responsibility with life and whatever gets thrown their way. Society is also busy making sure to gift our children self-esteem. Everyone gets a trophy regardless of whether they have earned it or not. Awards are often given out for less than stellar performance even within the academic community. What does that teach our children? Does it teach them to work to be exceptional? We do so much for them and then expect as they grow up for them to “reach inside and count on themselves” to figure everything out. We expect them to know how to deal with failures and accolades, rejection and popularity. What happens when they fail to our expectations or their own and their inner strength isn’t enough?
Ah, okay you’re probably thinking… I wondered when she was going to go there. Well, yes I am going to go there. Are we failing to teach our children faith, faith in God? We are so busy teaching them things of this world and yet we don’t give them the opportunity to even explore faith in Christ. Why is that? Don’t they deserve the chance to know there is a living God that they can draw near to for strength and comfort? Don’t our young people deserve to know that they don’t have to go through life depending on just their inner strength to navigate through life’s maze of twists and turns?
I wonder if the young woman I mentioned earlier is equipped with the tools of faith to help her on her journey to stay drug free. I wonder if she was taught that she is truly special and truly worthy of having a life filled with joy. I wonder if she knows that she isn’t alone in her fight; that she is loved unconditionally!
Blessings!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The Addict's Private Prison - Part 2
The knowledge that addiction is progressive in nature explains to us why an addicts behavior gets more radical as time moves forward. As the snowball starts rolling downhill it's movement sparks the avalanche... everything goes slowly but surely out of control. It's maddening for those of us who love them and can see what is happening to them, to their health, to their lives... for the addict themselves they often become frustrated. They just can't understand why all this bad stuff is happening to them? The world is against them and they truly believe that the circumstances they find themselves in are totally someone else's doing...I remember trying to explain the obvious to my daughter many times and her looking back at me with an expression of pure amazement, how could I be so misinformed?
Most often the addicts initial response is denial. Deny, deny, deny... if I do not acknowledge it, it doesn't exist... right? The mindset that 'I can stop whenever I choose to... I just choose not to, no matter how unmanageable my life has become' is a lie that they tell to others and themselves over and over again. Just like any lie any of us tell ourselves... eventually we tend to believe it on some level.
For the majority of addicts there does comes a point when reality sets in and it doesn't need to be rock bottom for the revelation to occur. It could be something as simple as a loved one turning away... to finding themselves in the local ER and not remembering how they got there. Sadly, even when reality is finely clearly defined in their minds that doesn't always spark the desire to find sobriety.
For some there will be veiled attempts at living a sober life, only to find that the hole they have dug for themselves is so deep that they have no way of figuring out how to rise above it. Especially true if there are multiple legal issues, unresolved emotional problems and family dynamics that have been destroyed or damaged. Just imagine for a second your own life with the multitude of plates spinning in the air. We're all juggling a dozen things at once and some are good and some "not so much". Now take all that, add some lowered self-esteem, some illegal drugs, a small, unreliable support system (if one even exists) and you have a volatile cocktail that can explode into complete degradation and feeling of irreversible failure.
One of the things that breaks my heart time and time again is seeing someone who is trying to conquer their addiction alone, with all of the 'book knowledge' and none of the application skills. They truly believe they've got it... and their sobriety is short lived.
So now we have the RELAPSE. The addicts dirty word and something that we looking from the outside just can't wrap our heads around... relapse. Why in the world would someone who was able to break free of the chains of their chosen drug even for a short time want to set back into that world. All that wasted effort... that's how we who do not suffer from the hold of the drug see it. Now take a moment and consider the flip side of the coin. Consider you are the one that broke free... that suffered the withdrawal...whether short lived or long endured... you have a sense of accomplishment and folks they earned that good feeling about their efforts. If you've never witnessed an addict in withdrawal... you probably won't understand just how difficult the process is... both physically and emotionally. Now they find themselves for whatever reason (and often they have no real idea why) knee deep in the old familiar high baby... they are loving it and hating themselves all at the same time. So, onward through the fog they go... guilt, feelings of failure, disbelief, self hatred, the list is endless. These are all the things they are now beating themselves up for and the old tapes begin to play. "See you knew it would never last, my life sucks, this is all there is for me"... and to top it all of they have their families and friends to deal with... believe it or not relapse is usually embarrassing, and painful for an addict to admit to those who love and support them. Why would they want to admit momentary defeat? Why would they want to see the look of disappointment or disgust in the eyes of those they want to hard to please??? Relapse doesn't happen out of spike... drugs and alcohol have power beyond our imagination...
One tool that helps an addict increase their chances of recovery is to reach out for help, then actually accept the help, learn, apply and live. It's not a guarantee of recovery, but it sure gives them a leg up. It's not enough to listen, it's not enough to go to meetings, it's not enough to lend lip service... knowledge is power... if you do not apply the knowledge you have it's just air between your ears... totally useless. Oh yea, it may still be up there in the old gray matter...but it has been rendered useless. This is the place, these are the souls that are walking a fine line... playing with death... clinging to life... recovery is hard work. Depression, apathy, toxic relationships, feelings of a failed life and no future plays a key role in the tightrope they are walking upon. There is a huge difference between be sober and being in recovery. They may say they are sober and perhaps part of the time that is reality... but recovery is constantly slipping through their fingers...
Pray for those suffering from this disease and those who love them... Cry out to Jesus... Cry out to Jesus...
Most often the addicts initial response is denial. Deny, deny, deny... if I do not acknowledge it, it doesn't exist... right? The mindset that 'I can stop whenever I choose to... I just choose not to, no matter how unmanageable my life has become' is a lie that they tell to others and themselves over and over again. Just like any lie any of us tell ourselves... eventually we tend to believe it on some level.
For the majority of addicts there does comes a point when reality sets in and it doesn't need to be rock bottom for the revelation to occur. It could be something as simple as a loved one turning away... to finding themselves in the local ER and not remembering how they got there. Sadly, even when reality is finely clearly defined in their minds that doesn't always spark the desire to find sobriety.
For some there will be veiled attempts at living a sober life, only to find that the hole they have dug for themselves is so deep that they have no way of figuring out how to rise above it. Especially true if there are multiple legal issues, unresolved emotional problems and family dynamics that have been destroyed or damaged. Just imagine for a second your own life with the multitude of plates spinning in the air. We're all juggling a dozen things at once and some are good and some "not so much". Now take all that, add some lowered self-esteem, some illegal drugs, a small, unreliable support system (if one even exists) and you have a volatile cocktail that can explode into complete degradation and feeling of irreversible failure.
One of the things that breaks my heart time and time again is seeing someone who is trying to conquer their addiction alone, with all of the 'book knowledge' and none of the application skills. They truly believe they've got it... and their sobriety is short lived.
So now we have the RELAPSE. The addicts dirty word and something that we looking from the outside just can't wrap our heads around... relapse. Why in the world would someone who was able to break free of the chains of their chosen drug even for a short time want to set back into that world. All that wasted effort... that's how we who do not suffer from the hold of the drug see it. Now take a moment and consider the flip side of the coin. Consider you are the one that broke free... that suffered the withdrawal...whether short lived or long endured... you have a sense of accomplishment and folks they earned that good feeling about their efforts. If you've never witnessed an addict in withdrawal... you probably won't understand just how difficult the process is... both physically and emotionally. Now they find themselves for whatever reason (and often they have no real idea why) knee deep in the old familiar high baby... they are loving it and hating themselves all at the same time. So, onward through the fog they go... guilt, feelings of failure, disbelief, self hatred, the list is endless. These are all the things they are now beating themselves up for and the old tapes begin to play. "See you knew it would never last, my life sucks, this is all there is for me"... and to top it all of they have their families and friends to deal with... believe it or not relapse is usually embarrassing, and painful for an addict to admit to those who love and support them. Why would they want to admit momentary defeat? Why would they want to see the look of disappointment or disgust in the eyes of those they want to hard to please??? Relapse doesn't happen out of spike... drugs and alcohol have power beyond our imagination...
One tool that helps an addict increase their chances of recovery is to reach out for help, then actually accept the help, learn, apply and live. It's not a guarantee of recovery, but it sure gives them a leg up. It's not enough to listen, it's not enough to go to meetings, it's not enough to lend lip service... knowledge is power... if you do not apply the knowledge you have it's just air between your ears... totally useless. Oh yea, it may still be up there in the old gray matter...but it has been rendered useless. This is the place, these are the souls that are walking a fine line... playing with death... clinging to life... recovery is hard work. Depression, apathy, toxic relationships, feelings of a failed life and no future plays a key role in the tightrope they are walking upon. There is a huge difference between be sober and being in recovery. They may say they are sober and perhaps part of the time that is reality... but recovery is constantly slipping through their fingers...
Pray for those suffering from this disease and those who love them... Cry out to Jesus... Cry out to Jesus...
Sunday, August 21, 2011
The Addict’s Private Prison – Part 1
Ok so you wonder is this woman qualified to speak on this topic. To that I would say judge for yourself. I walked side by side, for nine years with my daughter Angela through the most agonizing hell fire you can imagine as she fought her heroin addiction. I have seen things I will never put to paper, I have heard things I will never utter to another soul. I have read her private thoughts with gut wrenching pain… so yes I feel qualified…so we move forward.
We all have secrets. Imagine for a moment you have a secret so brutal, so intense, so beyond the definition of private (and perhaps you do) you feel you can never reveal it to another living soul. Think about that for a second and let the very thought of that sink in, feel it… can you even begin to imagine what it must be like to live with that secret day in and day out – alone? You’re trapped with it inside your own private prison, walls so thick and reinforced with years of guilt and fear. Impenetrable the best security system ever built…no need for electronic gadgets or armed guards; the human heart coupled with beaten down self-esteem is stronger than anything man could ever physically create.
Addicts in their active addiction create such chaos and drama, unintentionally but they create it just the same. Days filled with deception weave an unattractive tapestry. Early on the lies don’t weigh so heavy but as the progression of the addiction makes headway the lies become tangled and hard to keep track of…manipulation is an everyday occurrence and chasing their chosen high is first and foremost in their minds. It doesn’t matter who they have to deceive, or what they must sacrifice within themselves be it physical or emotional to obtain the high. It isn’t because they are callous or evil it’s because the monster that is addiction is more powerful than the human condition can overcome at that time. Like having your arms and legs bound together and thrown into the ocean unable to mobilize, to swim and to save yourself.
Unless you’ve been there or seen it firsthand you probably will never understand it. But those of us who have seen it or lived it firsthand realize the unbelievable power of drugs/alcohol. It is a crippling feeling to watch a loved one locked away behind self inflicted prison walls and to know we are powerless… we do not have the key to set them free.
We all have secrets. Imagine for a moment you have a secret so brutal, so intense, so beyond the definition of private (and perhaps you do) you feel you can never reveal it to another living soul. Think about that for a second and let the very thought of that sink in, feel it… can you even begin to imagine what it must be like to live with that secret day in and day out – alone? You’re trapped with it inside your own private prison, walls so thick and reinforced with years of guilt and fear. Impenetrable the best security system ever built…no need for electronic gadgets or armed guards; the human heart coupled with beaten down self-esteem is stronger than anything man could ever physically create.
Addicts in their active addiction create such chaos and drama, unintentionally but they create it just the same. Days filled with deception weave an unattractive tapestry. Early on the lies don’t weigh so heavy but as the progression of the addiction makes headway the lies become tangled and hard to keep track of…manipulation is an everyday occurrence and chasing their chosen high is first and foremost in their minds. It doesn’t matter who they have to deceive, or what they must sacrifice within themselves be it physical or emotional to obtain the high. It isn’t because they are callous or evil it’s because the monster that is addiction is more powerful than the human condition can overcome at that time. Like having your arms and legs bound together and thrown into the ocean unable to mobilize, to swim and to save yourself.
Unless you’ve been there or seen it firsthand you probably will never understand it. But those of us who have seen it or lived it firsthand realize the unbelievable power of drugs/alcohol. It is a crippling feeling to watch a loved one locked away behind self inflicted prison walls and to know we are powerless… we do not have the key to set them free.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Beyond the Purple Door - Listen,Love, Pray
Last weekend BrokenButLoved was blessed to have a presence at the Purple Door Festival in Lebanon, PA. Already knowing the awesome bands that would be present made the preparation exciting, even though there was a great deal to pull together. I know that both Kimmi (my awesome, loving BBL supporter) and I had our own set of expectations as we ventured north to Lebanon, but I know that even in our wildest imaginations what we experienced there was in truth much, much more then our human brains could have created on our own.
Finding ourselves located in the barn stalls of the Expo Center definitely wasn't what we expected and yet we both knew it really wasn't about us or about dusty location where we were situated. Setting up our "booth" the anticipation was electric and there was a "knowing", a "sensing" that amazing events were about to take place and that God had brought us there, together for His purpose... His will be done!!! Yeppers, it was going to be an awesome day and a half... no doubt about it.
How can I even begin to explain it all. I can't, I don't know that as I attempt to bring it to life on "paper" I will be able to do it justice = but I shall try. The music was varied in style and was rockin'. How cool is it to be doing what you love to do and also find yourself being inspired and entertained by great musician's as well? But, in truth it is what was beyond the Purple Door that made the experience such a blessing... truly... touching every fiber of my being... stretching my heartstrings until they felt they would break. Kimmi and I were given a glimpse beyond the Door... I'm not sure there were many others there that had that privilege. I thank the Lord that we were able to see passed the veil of the music and into the lives of some beautiful, amazing people... God's children... and yes my friends we are all broken in one way or another.
The kids... wow... the kids of all ages... how very cool it was to meet so many great young people. Watching them, seeing their eyes dances as they interacted with one another. Listening... carefully... fully... to them and explaining what BrokenButLoved is all about... our mission...our passion. Talking to them about Angela, her struggles with drugs, with life... her death... our loss, all the while watching their faces, their reactions... that alone continually throughout the day renewed my faith in the caring hearts of a rising generation.
Groups and groups of youth coming and going and coming back again. Each time they would return our conversations intensified and deepened until many were sharing intimate details of their lives and their own pain. Oh how I could feel the power of God's Holy Spirit falling down around us as we listened, talked, prayed and loved... giving what we could of ourselves to them... sharing with them Christ's love, mercy and grace. How much more blessed could I feel? The Lord was allowing me, allowing us the privilege of touching these young hearts, their lives if even for a short period of time. I will never forget that feeling, ever. So many young hearts need so desperately to have someone listen to them, love them and pray for them, with them. Even within our little groups there were those who would minister to each other. People do you hear me???? Youth sharing with each other... encouraging, loving... dreaming... man I gotta tell you it was AMAZING!!!!!!
Of course we also had a blast with these young folks. Their smiles were captivating and their laughter contagious... we made friends... many, many friends and with each new life that entered into mine my heart would leap with joy. Just as my heartstrings were stretched to their limits throughout the festival, so did they also play the most beautiful music. Gentle, flowing melodies that only I could hear. That's okay though, because just like each young soul that I danced with at Purple Door... I shall never forget it or them... it is all forever etched in my spirit. Thank you Lord... thank you!
Tomorrow... the adults of Purple Door...
Finding ourselves located in the barn stalls of the Expo Center definitely wasn't what we expected and yet we both knew it really wasn't about us or about dusty location where we were situated. Setting up our "booth" the anticipation was electric and there was a "knowing", a "sensing" that amazing events were about to take place and that God had brought us there, together for His purpose... His will be done!!! Yeppers, it was going to be an awesome day and a half... no doubt about it.
How can I even begin to explain it all. I can't, I don't know that as I attempt to bring it to life on "paper" I will be able to do it justice = but I shall try. The music was varied in style and was rockin'. How cool is it to be doing what you love to do and also find yourself being inspired and entertained by great musician's as well? But, in truth it is what was beyond the Purple Door that made the experience such a blessing... truly... touching every fiber of my being... stretching my heartstrings until they felt they would break. Kimmi and I were given a glimpse beyond the Door... I'm not sure there were many others there that had that privilege. I thank the Lord that we were able to see passed the veil of the music and into the lives of some beautiful, amazing people... God's children... and yes my friends we are all broken in one way or another.
The kids... wow... the kids of all ages... how very cool it was to meet so many great young people. Watching them, seeing their eyes dances as they interacted with one another. Listening... carefully... fully... to them and explaining what BrokenButLoved is all about... our mission...our passion. Talking to them about Angela, her struggles with drugs, with life... her death... our loss, all the while watching their faces, their reactions... that alone continually throughout the day renewed my faith in the caring hearts of a rising generation.
Groups and groups of youth coming and going and coming back again. Each time they would return our conversations intensified and deepened until many were sharing intimate details of their lives and their own pain. Oh how I could feel the power of God's Holy Spirit falling down around us as we listened, talked, prayed and loved... giving what we could of ourselves to them... sharing with them Christ's love, mercy and grace. How much more blessed could I feel? The Lord was allowing me, allowing us the privilege of touching these young hearts, their lives if even for a short period of time. I will never forget that feeling, ever. So many young hearts need so desperately to have someone listen to them, love them and pray for them, with them. Even within our little groups there were those who would minister to each other. People do you hear me???? Youth sharing with each other... encouraging, loving... dreaming... man I gotta tell you it was AMAZING!!!!!!
Of course we also had a blast with these young folks. Their smiles were captivating and their laughter contagious... we made friends... many, many friends and with each new life that entered into mine my heart would leap with joy. Just as my heartstrings were stretched to their limits throughout the festival, so did they also play the most beautiful music. Gentle, flowing melodies that only I could hear. That's okay though, because just like each young soul that I danced with at Purple Door... I shall never forget it or them... it is all forever etched in my spirit. Thank you Lord... thank you!
Tomorrow... the adults of Purple Door...
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Is this the new normal?
I have been speaking to youth and their parents now for almost three years regarding the issue of drug and alcohol use/abuse. Let me be blunt! The apathy among both sets is ever increasing and this my friends is a sad, sad trend especially among the parents/adults. A heartbreaking trend at least for me.
It used to be I'd be missing a few parents with each group, but more and more less and less parents are showing up to the group sessions. Okay, I get that times are getting tougher and perhaps some folks have no other option but to be working during that one night for 2 hours. But wake up folks this is your child's future we are talking about here...and sometimes we have to make tough choices in order to get our priorities straight. Now, I am not talking about those who have no choice (those who may work for unyielding bosses)I'm addressing those adults who simply choose not to participate. What message does that send to the youth involved? Gee... I don't know, what do you think it says?
I find myself now not only fighting the drug issues themselves but the 'I just don't care' issue as well. Not with everyone, some of these youth are listening and actively trying to change their lives and I applaud them. I just keep praying that this is not the new normal and just a passing phase. However, with the widespread apathy among the country in general perhaps they are just learning what they live.
Please be in prayer for all concerned.
God Bless
It used to be I'd be missing a few parents with each group, but more and more less and less parents are showing up to the group sessions. Okay, I get that times are getting tougher and perhaps some folks have no other option but to be working during that one night for 2 hours. But wake up folks this is your child's future we are talking about here...and sometimes we have to make tough choices in order to get our priorities straight. Now, I am not talking about those who have no choice (those who may work for unyielding bosses)I'm addressing those adults who simply choose not to participate. What message does that send to the youth involved? Gee... I don't know, what do you think it says?
I find myself now not only fighting the drug issues themselves but the 'I just don't care' issue as well. Not with everyone, some of these youth are listening and actively trying to change their lives and I applaud them. I just keep praying that this is not the new normal and just a passing phase. However, with the widespread apathy among the country in general perhaps they are just learning what they live.
Please be in prayer for all concerned.
God Bless
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Are you listening
There are times when I have the privilege to sit down and talk with other adults that deal with teen substance abuse issues and our conversations often leave me with even greater insights and sadly far too much confirmation of what I already know to be true.
Here's what scare me folks - the deterioration of the family unit; family's are dysfunctional and then there is second generation addiction... scary, scary stuff. Listen, I am truly not blaming parents for all the drug use and addiction within our teen population -that would be crazy talk. But what I do know is there are far too many hurting young ones out there and someone needs to start listening, really listening to them. Not listening and thinking at the same time 'what can I do to fix this'? We need to be listening first - to them without interjection... just hear them. Spend some time empathizing with them, their pain, their problems. Guess what that big break up with the boy/girlfriend is devastating to your young one. Now is not the time to minimize it. Their feelings, their emotions, their reactions are real - just because we as parents don't necessarily find their problems really "problems" - (in our minds we're thinking - just wait until you have to face REAL problems). What we see as tiny little issues are often huge mountains they are trying to figure out how to climb.
What you may not be "hearing" underneath are all the thoughts about drugs, alcohol, sex etc.... listen... shhhh... listen... to what may not be spoken...
It truly isn't enough to ask your young one what's wrong and just take the stock answer "nothing" or "you wouldn't understand" and leave it go. That's surely an easy approach to take... well he/she said I wouldn't understand, they're probably right so why bother. Or maybe it's this thought process if I do try and understand you'll only end up in another confrontation... easy out. I've done that one myself. I am so not in the mood for a teenage confrontation tonight... hard day at the office, still have dinner to make etc. forget it I'll let it pass. I just told you I've played that card and regret every time I have done so. I think of how many opportunities I missed with my daughter. Opportunities to communicate, to hear her, to let her know I HEAR HER.
Our young ones want direction, they long to trust us with their hearts. Broken families leave them wondering where does trust and stability play a factor in their family. Busy lives leave us with barely enough time to shower and of course as adults with so much responsibility we need our "me time" as well. I agree... "me time" is important but it is never more important than kid time. Never! As parents we have a responsibility first and foremost to those children which God has entrusted us to love, guide and raise up to the best of our ability. And yes we all make plenty of mistakes.
If you've tried to get your young ones into a conversation and have failed, don't give up. Try another tactic... another time, another situation but come on folks don't just give up. They need you and this is far too important - you must give it your all!
Blessings... remember when you are feeling like you just can keep going... look up and remember to draw your strength of the Father of all creation.
Here's what scare me folks - the deterioration of the family unit; family's are dysfunctional and then there is second generation addiction... scary, scary stuff. Listen, I am truly not blaming parents for all the drug use and addiction within our teen population -that would be crazy talk. But what I do know is there are far too many hurting young ones out there and someone needs to start listening, really listening to them. Not listening and thinking at the same time 'what can I do to fix this'? We need to be listening first - to them without interjection... just hear them. Spend some time empathizing with them, their pain, their problems. Guess what that big break up with the boy/girlfriend is devastating to your young one. Now is not the time to minimize it. Their feelings, their emotions, their reactions are real - just because we as parents don't necessarily find their problems really "problems" - (in our minds we're thinking - just wait until you have to face REAL problems). What we see as tiny little issues are often huge mountains they are trying to figure out how to climb.
What you may not be "hearing" underneath are all the thoughts about drugs, alcohol, sex etc.... listen... shhhh... listen... to what may not be spoken...
It truly isn't enough to ask your young one what's wrong and just take the stock answer "nothing" or "you wouldn't understand" and leave it go. That's surely an easy approach to take... well he/she said I wouldn't understand, they're probably right so why bother. Or maybe it's this thought process if I do try and understand you'll only end up in another confrontation... easy out. I've done that one myself. I am so not in the mood for a teenage confrontation tonight... hard day at the office, still have dinner to make etc. forget it I'll let it pass. I just told you I've played that card and regret every time I have done so. I think of how many opportunities I missed with my daughter. Opportunities to communicate, to hear her, to let her know I HEAR HER.
Our young ones want direction, they long to trust us with their hearts. Broken families leave them wondering where does trust and stability play a factor in their family. Busy lives leave us with barely enough time to shower and of course as adults with so much responsibility we need our "me time" as well. I agree... "me time" is important but it is never more important than kid time. Never! As parents we have a responsibility first and foremost to those children which God has entrusted us to love, guide and raise up to the best of our ability. And yes we all make plenty of mistakes.
If you've tried to get your young ones into a conversation and have failed, don't give up. Try another tactic... another time, another situation but come on folks don't just give up. They need you and this is far too important - you must give it your all!
Blessings... remember when you are feeling like you just can keep going... look up and remember to draw your strength of the Father of all creation.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Who is accountable?
I stand so often in a room full of young ones looking at me with tired eyes. They look weary and much older than they really are – drug use ages you folks and not in a good way. Assessing the room is always emotionally difficult for me; the range of emotions emulating from these young folks makes me feel as if I am part of some concoction swirling around inside of a blender. There always seems to be one that stands out in the group that is doing his/her best to double up on the “hardened shell” persona. This breaks my heart. On the inside they are full of so much pain, pain they won’t show with their words or outward appearance yet it hauntingly radiates from under their downcast eyes.
Others are far too quick to tell me how much they have learned through the sessions and how they will never again touch drugs or alcohol. So eager to say the right things that it scares me. I know how difficult it is for them to stay clean. In my heart I am hopeful that they are sincere. For some in the moment they are totally sincere, they just don’t realize that it might be easier said than done. For others it’s just a game they play with me, thing is I’m not playing. During our discussion time they will often unknowingly reveal to me just how sincere they really are about their commitment to sobriety. If they are in truth only playing a game, it’s a deadly one to play. They hurt themselves the most. I tell them upfront to only speak their truth… if they can’t speak the truth then don’t respond. But teens will be teens and their immaturity surfaces easily.
Posing to them the question “how did your parents react to you getting in trouble with drug?” is never easy for me. Mainly because I am almost always astonished to hear that they really didn’t react or seem upset. From the level of apathy in the parent groups, I believe them. Hearing those responses inevitability get’s my feather’s ruffled. I just don’t understand it – parental apathy. I’m not sure if parents realize that their apathy is often passed on through the generations. Not the best gift to give your child(ren).
Let me tell you folks, believe it or not these young ones are yearning for someone to give them direction. They may scream and complain about consequences, but they are old enough to understand that being held accountable by their parent’s means their parents care about the choices they make in life. Too often they are filled with feelings of abandonment and confusion. They lack structure in their lives and they have not been taught how to regain their footing. There are painful situations that they have been through in the short lives and no one is showing them how to deal with their emotions; how to process their experiences so that they can move on to a healthy adult life. How are they to find their way without the help from the parents that brought them into this world?
Who is to be held accountable in these situations? I ask you to consider this question.
Blessings
Others are far too quick to tell me how much they have learned through the sessions and how they will never again touch drugs or alcohol. So eager to say the right things that it scares me. I know how difficult it is for them to stay clean. In my heart I am hopeful that they are sincere. For some in the moment they are totally sincere, they just don’t realize that it might be easier said than done. For others it’s just a game they play with me, thing is I’m not playing. During our discussion time they will often unknowingly reveal to me just how sincere they really are about their commitment to sobriety. If they are in truth only playing a game, it’s a deadly one to play. They hurt themselves the most. I tell them upfront to only speak their truth… if they can’t speak the truth then don’t respond. But teens will be teens and their immaturity surfaces easily.
Posing to them the question “how did your parents react to you getting in trouble with drug?” is never easy for me. Mainly because I am almost always astonished to hear that they really didn’t react or seem upset. From the level of apathy in the parent groups, I believe them. Hearing those responses inevitability get’s my feather’s ruffled. I just don’t understand it – parental apathy. I’m not sure if parents realize that their apathy is often passed on through the generations. Not the best gift to give your child(ren).
Let me tell you folks, believe it or not these young ones are yearning for someone to give them direction. They may scream and complain about consequences, but they are old enough to understand that being held accountable by their parent’s means their parents care about the choices they make in life. Too often they are filled with feelings of abandonment and confusion. They lack structure in their lives and they have not been taught how to regain their footing. There are painful situations that they have been through in the short lives and no one is showing them how to deal with their emotions; how to process their experiences so that they can move on to a healthy adult life. How are they to find their way without the help from the parents that brought them into this world?
Who is to be held accountable in these situations? I ask you to consider this question.
Blessings
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Stay the course
When I was a teenager I pushed the envelope that's for sure. My parents set clear boundaries for me, but I was in truth a tad bit rebellious. I was an only child but believe me I wasn't as spoiled as one might believe. But I was head strong and determined to experience life. That said, when I was defiant and disobeyed the rules I was more than willing to take whatever consequences came my way. I missed many a school dance or sporting event because of my groundings. My parents never left me off early; though I did do some begging and pleading they stuck to their guns.
As a parent I was not very good at that - sticking to my guns. As a child my daughter was so well behaved. It wasn't very often that she needed a time out, or punishment of any kind. Of course the teenage years proved to be a very different story and I for one was not very well prepared. Looking back - one of my worst parental offense was the inability to stay the course with the consequences set forth from her "defiance". I strongly urge all parents, regardless of the age of your child to take this to heart. It is one of the most important lessons you can learn. The earlier you learn it, the better of everyone in your family will be.
In our particular situation I always began to feel sorry for Ang when she was in trouble. I know that I spent most of my life trying to make up for the pain of her young life and the voids that were left in the wake of others dirty deeds. That was my rationale. As good as my intentions may have been, the back lash was devastating. She did not learn to respect my authority and I often let her run rough shot over me. I urge you to consider your specific situation and rectify where necessary.
When consequences are rendered they need to be followed to the letter. Clearly define the consequence and course of action so that everyone has a true understanding of what is expected and stay the course. No matter what. No time off for good behavior. No giving in when you see they are bored or sad or angry. Guess what they are going to be bored, sad and angry. Punishment is not supposed to be fun. It is suppose to be a deterrent from repeating the unacceptable behavior. I guarantee, if you lose your backbone your child will use it to their advantage in the future. The media is constantly showing our youth how to scheme. While we are trying to teach responsibility, respect and good values our youth are hearing vulgarity, disrespect for authority and seeing violence as entertainment.
Drug and alcohol use in teens continues to climb. Our youth are experimenting earlier than ever with drugs, alcohol and sex. They are spending their time texting, instead of learning how to truly communicate with each other. Without strong boundaries, clear expectation and the willingness of parents to stay the course with the consequences of improper behavior it only further solidifies to our youth that more and more we live in a society where "anything goes". Is that what you want for your children?
Stay the course folks... take back your family...your children will respect you for lessons you teach them... after they get through the "I hate you for ruining my life" stage.
God Bless
As a parent I was not very good at that - sticking to my guns. As a child my daughter was so well behaved. It wasn't very often that she needed a time out, or punishment of any kind. Of course the teenage years proved to be a very different story and I for one was not very well prepared. Looking back - one of my worst parental offense was the inability to stay the course with the consequences set forth from her "defiance". I strongly urge all parents, regardless of the age of your child to take this to heart. It is one of the most important lessons you can learn. The earlier you learn it, the better of everyone in your family will be.
In our particular situation I always began to feel sorry for Ang when she was in trouble. I know that I spent most of my life trying to make up for the pain of her young life and the voids that were left in the wake of others dirty deeds. That was my rationale. As good as my intentions may have been, the back lash was devastating. She did not learn to respect my authority and I often let her run rough shot over me. I urge you to consider your specific situation and rectify where necessary.
When consequences are rendered they need to be followed to the letter. Clearly define the consequence and course of action so that everyone has a true understanding of what is expected and stay the course. No matter what. No time off for good behavior. No giving in when you see they are bored or sad or angry. Guess what they are going to be bored, sad and angry. Punishment is not supposed to be fun. It is suppose to be a deterrent from repeating the unacceptable behavior. I guarantee, if you lose your backbone your child will use it to their advantage in the future. The media is constantly showing our youth how to scheme. While we are trying to teach responsibility, respect and good values our youth are hearing vulgarity, disrespect for authority and seeing violence as entertainment.
Drug and alcohol use in teens continues to climb. Our youth are experimenting earlier than ever with drugs, alcohol and sex. They are spending their time texting, instead of learning how to truly communicate with each other. Without strong boundaries, clear expectation and the willingness of parents to stay the course with the consequences of improper behavior it only further solidifies to our youth that more and more we live in a society where "anything goes". Is that what you want for your children?
Stay the course folks... take back your family...your children will respect you for lessons you teach them... after they get through the "I hate you for ruining my life" stage.
God Bless
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Discipline vs. Punishment
Often times as parents we use the words discipline and punishment interchangeably. I'd prefer to think of the two like this:
Discipline is the guidelines and set of expectations you set forth for your young ones
Punishment is the consequences of non adherence to this set of guidelines
Simple? Sounds simple... it is simple yet ever so difficult. Far be it from me to tell you this is a simplistic look at parenting. I made so many mistakes as a parent, however... I learned heartbreaking lessons that I share with you all in hopes of tempering your desire to let things ride verses nipping them in the bud.
Children need to be told up front and with authority what is expected of them. They need to have a clear understanding of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. To us it may seem ridiculous to have to tell them that all drugs are off limits. But they need to hear it from YOU. Not just the school, not just the TV from YOU. It is your job as a parent to inform your children of this dangerous situations that can ruin their lives or take them. Just as you explain to them what you expect from them in terms of household responsibilities, school work, etc... they need to know all of peripheral issues as well, drug, sex, honor, honesty...
Outlining your guidelines and rules is the first step. The second step is letting them know clearly the consequences to breaking the rules. I had no problem with setting the guidelines... I had problems with sticking to the punishment "plans". Apply consequences to your young ones is not mean... it does not make you a horrible parent although they will probably bring that to your attention rather quickly... you do them more harm by NOT applying the consequences. If they see you crumble or disagree with a level of punishment...you are in for the ride of your life. They won't forget and they will play you like a fiddle moving forward. Again, been there... done that. They need to be ready for the grown up world and the early they understand that there will always be rules to follow the better.
Drugs kill folks... this is not kindergarten stuff... once our young ones start playing with drugs and alcohol on any level they have hit the big leagues ready or not. They have crossed the line from childhood into a dangerous... very grown up world. Get them ready to understand that... let them know... hold your ground and take back your family.
Blessings...
Discipline is the guidelines and set of expectations you set forth for your young ones
Punishment is the consequences of non adherence to this set of guidelines
Simple? Sounds simple... it is simple yet ever so difficult. Far be it from me to tell you this is a simplistic look at parenting. I made so many mistakes as a parent, however... I learned heartbreaking lessons that I share with you all in hopes of tempering your desire to let things ride verses nipping them in the bud.
Children need to be told up front and with authority what is expected of them. They need to have a clear understanding of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. To us it may seem ridiculous to have to tell them that all drugs are off limits. But they need to hear it from YOU. Not just the school, not just the TV from YOU. It is your job as a parent to inform your children of this dangerous situations that can ruin their lives or take them. Just as you explain to them what you expect from them in terms of household responsibilities, school work, etc... they need to know all of peripheral issues as well, drug, sex, honor, honesty...
Outlining your guidelines and rules is the first step. The second step is letting them know clearly the consequences to breaking the rules. I had no problem with setting the guidelines... I had problems with sticking to the punishment "plans". Apply consequences to your young ones is not mean... it does not make you a horrible parent although they will probably bring that to your attention rather quickly... you do them more harm by NOT applying the consequences. If they see you crumble or disagree with a level of punishment...you are in for the ride of your life. They won't forget and they will play you like a fiddle moving forward. Again, been there... done that. They need to be ready for the grown up world and the early they understand that there will always be rules to follow the better.
Drugs kill folks... this is not kindergarten stuff... once our young ones start playing with drugs and alcohol on any level they have hit the big leagues ready or not. They have crossed the line from childhood into a dangerous... very grown up world. Get them ready to understand that... let them know... hold your ground and take back your family.
Blessings...
Friday, May 21, 2010
Apathy
How involved in your child's life are you? This question has nothing to do with how much you love them. I am amazed at how many parents are afraid to look at the issue of teen drug/alcohol use. Are we worried that we won't be looked at as the "cool parents"? Are we afraid to see that there may be brokenness within our family unit? I understand that there are multiple problems in this country and around the world. I get that we are all trying so hard to keep our head above water in a world that seems determined to destroy itself... yes I understand. But what happens if we choose not to look the issue of teen substance abuse square in the eyes and deal with it. If we continue to turn a blind eye to this issue the future of our country becomes even more uncertain. We can not allow that to happen people. We NEED our young ones to be thinking clearly and ready to use their intellect, their creativity and their drive to create a better world.
It all starts at home. Don't wait for your school district to do all the work. We must take back our families... we must bring our children back into the fold. Hold them accountable, teach them responsibility, let them know it's okay not to be perfect and help them work through their weaknesses and issue that prey upon them on a daily basis. Your children are a blessing from God. I can't think of anything more important then our youth.
Pray for the children...blessings!
It all starts at home. Don't wait for your school district to do all the work. We must take back our families... we must bring our children back into the fold. Hold them accountable, teach them responsibility, let them know it's okay not to be perfect and help them work through their weaknesses and issue that prey upon them on a daily basis. Your children are a blessing from God. I can't think of anything more important then our youth.
Pray for the children...blessings!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Unlovable
A short put powerful message - there are many times that as parents we look at our troubled child and don't like what we see... then we don't like how we feel. There is a huge difference between the love we feel for our children and whether or not we particularly like them in the moment. They must clearly understand that we love them no matter what... we also must be certain they clearly understand what behaviors we simply do not like. Don't beat around the bush with it... lay it on the line... a long, bold, glowing line!!! When a young one gets involved with drugs/alcohol we see them change before our eyes... we watch them become disrespectful, angry... at some points almost unlovable... when they are pushing you away... when you find that the feeling of love is covered in the thick fog of darkness remember these words...
The ability to love what appears to be unlovable
The ability to embrace the inner depth of what appears to be untouchable
This is a gift from God… endowed to you
These words came to me in prayer... God's gift to me in a moment of unbelievable stress and frustration... remember them.
God Bless!!!!
The ability to love what appears to be unlovable
The ability to embrace the inner depth of what appears to be untouchable
This is a gift from God… endowed to you
These words came to me in prayer... God's gift to me in a moment of unbelievable stress and frustration... remember them.
God Bless!!!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Middle School Trauma
March 1997 from Angela's diary... "S & J (names withheld) are mad at me again because I'm not girlie enough... H isn't talking to me right now either. Girls suck. Mom's happy right now. Me on the other hand thinks life sucks. To tell the truth I hate almost everything about life. There are times that I wish I could end it and go out like a real woman (gun)". My daughter wrote that at the age of 12!!! What makes a 12 year old feel this way??? My heart just breaks to write this...middle school years are horrible for alot of young ones.
In the entries prior to this she had been writing for weeks about off and on "friendships". It appears as though her circle of friends changed their minds about who they wanted to be friends with like they changed their socks. If you were a bit different... or not as skinny... of if you had a bad hair day could mean you are "out" of the club. My daughter was very sensitive and this crowd broke her heart over and over and over again. She wanted so desperately to fit in and she took the abuse. She smiled and hid the tears and pain... but inside she wanted to die. That's how devastated she had become. Young people need to be taught that their judgements, criticism, cruelty and abandonment can scar people for life. Some are not strong enough to overcome this... other will. My daughter developed her tough girl persona and pretended it was just fine with her. This is when her attitude began to change.
She no longer felt good about herself...she was no longer proud of the fact that she was smart... pretty and loving. It didn't matter if I told her how special and beautiful she was... I was her mom I 'had to say that'. The cruelty of the young... tweens and teens get crushed daily by the careless words and deeds of their peers. Many of them waiting for the day that someone else is on the chopping block and they are just forgotten by the masses which is equally dangerous. As parents we need to become more aware which side of the fence your children are on... and we must be able to accept if they are on the side that is giving out the punches to others. Watch your child, their reactions to others... the gossip they talk... how do they speak of the fellows peers? Do they speak kindly or do they always have some sort of "negative trash talk" to spread even about their "friends". If they do you as their parent need to teach them the right way to be a friend and the proper way to respect those that are not in their circle.
In a time when the world is fixed on issues of racism etc. (and I am not saying these are not important issues - they are) we show little concern for how are children treat each other across the board. Folks, I'm serious... don't chalk this off as teen age growing pains. That's crap. One of the biggest problems in this world today is the way we treat our fellow man. No we aren't going to like or befriend everyone. People are different... but respect every man... yes absolutely. Let's do our part to bring up a generation of kind, loving, respectful young people. Do your part... it's your job and it's a tough one no doubt.
Angela began her drug use the summer she wrote this entry... let's save other young ones from this feeling of inadequacy... step it up folks... monitor your young ones behavior. Pray for the children.
God bless..
In the entries prior to this she had been writing for weeks about off and on "friendships". It appears as though her circle of friends changed their minds about who they wanted to be friends with like they changed their socks. If you were a bit different... or not as skinny... of if you had a bad hair day could mean you are "out" of the club. My daughter was very sensitive and this crowd broke her heart over and over and over again. She wanted so desperately to fit in and she took the abuse. She smiled and hid the tears and pain... but inside she wanted to die. That's how devastated she had become. Young people need to be taught that their judgements, criticism, cruelty and abandonment can scar people for life. Some are not strong enough to overcome this... other will. My daughter developed her tough girl persona and pretended it was just fine with her. This is when her attitude began to change.
She no longer felt good about herself...she was no longer proud of the fact that she was smart... pretty and loving. It didn't matter if I told her how special and beautiful she was... I was her mom I 'had to say that'. The cruelty of the young... tweens and teens get crushed daily by the careless words and deeds of their peers. Many of them waiting for the day that someone else is on the chopping block and they are just forgotten by the masses which is equally dangerous. As parents we need to become more aware which side of the fence your children are on... and we must be able to accept if they are on the side that is giving out the punches to others. Watch your child, their reactions to others... the gossip they talk... how do they speak of the fellows peers? Do they speak kindly or do they always have some sort of "negative trash talk" to spread even about their "friends". If they do you as their parent need to teach them the right way to be a friend and the proper way to respect those that are not in their circle.
In a time when the world is fixed on issues of racism etc. (and I am not saying these are not important issues - they are) we show little concern for how are children treat each other across the board. Folks, I'm serious... don't chalk this off as teen age growing pains. That's crap. One of the biggest problems in this world today is the way we treat our fellow man. No we aren't going to like or befriend everyone. People are different... but respect every man... yes absolutely. Let's do our part to bring up a generation of kind, loving, respectful young people. Do your part... it's your job and it's a tough one no doubt.
Angela began her drug use the summer she wrote this entry... let's save other young ones from this feeling of inadequacy... step it up folks... monitor your young ones behavior. Pray for the children.
God bless..
Monday, May 3, 2010
Wee Ones
I often wonder when all the craziness began. I try to think back when we as parents became so busy trying to keep all the balls in the air. Do you remember when? My heart breaks when I hear how are wee ones are learning about life. Youngsters, just babes not understanding how to be kind to each other. Children learn nothing from screaming parents. They don't learn by process of osmosis... they need to be shown in word and deed how to play, how to interact, how to care about others... how to embrace the differences in others... how to accept and love themselves. As a collective group I feel we are all far to critical of each other across the board. Our wee ones suffer when we as adults don't connect with them one on one. We want them to grow up way too fast... to be little adults when they are merely children. As the adults we need to slow down and let them be little. Take the time to teach them, to lead them... it's our job folks. It doesn't matter how busy we are... how tired we are... how frustrated we may be with the world around us... we can not slack off here... it's far too important to their future.
Wee ones grow up to be teenagers... without direction and understanding... without clearly defined lessons of right and wrong... without being told they are special and loved where are they going to turn? These aren't lessons they can learn on the street folks... Drugs, alcohol, violence become far too appealing to teens that have no discipline and parental guidance.
Love them... teach them... lead them...
God Bless You
Wee ones grow up to be teenagers... without direction and understanding... without clearly defined lessons of right and wrong... without being told they are special and loved where are they going to turn? These aren't lessons they can learn on the street folks... Drugs, alcohol, violence become far too appealing to teens that have no discipline and parental guidance.
Love them... teach them... lead them...
God Bless You
Friday, April 30, 2010
Snap
This week I tried to impress upon a small group of young drug users how quickly life can end. The dynamics of this group was extremely diversified. Every single on of them said they were using drugs for fun. No one would admit they used for any other reason... okay perhaps that's true but the vibe in the room said otherwise. See I watch their eyes, their body language... I listen to the tone of their voices and their reaction to my discussion points. Teens often where their hearts on their sleeves and in this case they were all wearing clues. My heart aches for them and how I wish I could speak with each of them individually... perhaps BBL will raise enough money to be able to afford private office space some day and I will be able to really touch them... deeper... making more of an impact.
So there are pushing the envelope of drug use for fun. Fun? Okay I get that on some level because drugs feel good. I was young once... but these young ones have so many things to keep them entertained. Hmmm perhaps that why they use drugs to have fun. Maybe they have too many "things" and not enough opportunity to be truly young... using their imagination... their brain power in order to create amusement. Perhaps they are spending too much time in front of the TV or video games cooped up inside without the fresh air and sunshine.
Think of it... we as adults long to be out of the office and into the fresh air. Long weeks taking care of our adult business leave us hungry for sunshine to the point where driving home with the windows down is actually a treat for us. Maybe the youth of today need to feel the wind caressing their faces... they just don't know it. So for them sneaking out with their buds behind the garage in the back yard and getting high is their escape from the plugged in world they live in. My guess is they just don't understand that point. When was the last time you sent your kids out to rake or mow the yard? When was the last time their friends came over to shoot hoops in the driveway or hang out on the back porch with iced tea and snacks listening to music?
Life can be over with the snap of your fingers. Drug related deaths occur more often than you can imagine. Snap you fingers folks... right now... snap them... your child's life could be over just that quickly. Snap... snap... snap. I am not talking rice crispy type cereal here... I am talking about the very last breath of a young one. Just that quickly.
Pray for our children... they are all children of God!
Blessing
So there are pushing the envelope of drug use for fun. Fun? Okay I get that on some level because drugs feel good. I was young once... but these young ones have so many things to keep them entertained. Hmmm perhaps that why they use drugs to have fun. Maybe they have too many "things" and not enough opportunity to be truly young... using their imagination... their brain power in order to create amusement. Perhaps they are spending too much time in front of the TV or video games cooped up inside without the fresh air and sunshine.
Think of it... we as adults long to be out of the office and into the fresh air. Long weeks taking care of our adult business leave us hungry for sunshine to the point where driving home with the windows down is actually a treat for us. Maybe the youth of today need to feel the wind caressing their faces... they just don't know it. So for them sneaking out with their buds behind the garage in the back yard and getting high is their escape from the plugged in world they live in. My guess is they just don't understand that point. When was the last time you sent your kids out to rake or mow the yard? When was the last time their friends came over to shoot hoops in the driveway or hang out on the back porch with iced tea and snacks listening to music?
Life can be over with the snap of your fingers. Drug related deaths occur more often than you can imagine. Snap you fingers folks... right now... snap them... your child's life could be over just that quickly. Snap... snap... snap. I am not talking rice crispy type cereal here... I am talking about the very last breath of a young one. Just that quickly.
Pray for our children... they are all children of God!
Blessing
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
May 15 2010
May 15th is a very special day for BrokenButLoved. It is our first annual teen substance abuse awareness event and prayer vigil. This event is being held in Lancaster Square, Lancaster, PA across from Binn's Park from 5-7:30 pm. With the help of Christian rock band Thur Me, numerous speakers and a slew of volunteers we seek to spread Christ's love through music, speakers and prayer. We are losing teens every day to drug/alcohol use and it is up to each of us to take back our family unit - bring the focus back on family, faith and love. If you are in the area please stop by and support this very important cause. What could possibly be more important than our families, our community, our children?
Parents come out and bring your tweens and teens.... this is a free event... for all ages.
Visit our website www.brokenbutloved.org... find us on Facebook and Twitter...
Blessings
Parents come out and bring your tweens and teens.... this is a free event... for all ages.
Visit our website www.brokenbutloved.org... find us on Facebook and Twitter...
Blessings
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Prom Time
Yes prom time is upon us. So much preparation, the right dress, the right shoes, make sure we get our hair done just right.. and guys have to have the right "ride" and or course the corsage. Parents are usually involved in the whole preparation process with the exception of who our teen is actually going to the prom with this year. They manage that process all own their own. If you don't know your teens date then find out who they are... do some detective work folks it is important to know who your teen is spending this evening with...
Now I present to you for your consideration how much time as a parent have you put into communicating a message of safety and good choice to your teen prior to this big event. Have you broached the subject of alcohol, drugs and sex? If you haven't you need to... right away. It is imperative that your teen understand that just because this is a big event in their life doesn't mean all the rules fly out the window. They aren't being given a 'get out of jail free' card to do whatever they want to just because it's prom time. Right and wrong still exist... legal and illegal still exist... and peer pressure may be even greater during this season of festivities. What are you instilling into your young ones? Are you renting the limo "just in case"? There shouldn't be a just in case scenario. It is amazing to me how many limo driver's "allow" drinking etc. in their limo's when they know darn well the kids are under age. Once again we see other turning a blind eye... I ask what does that say to the young people of this country?
Parent sit them down and let them know what your expectation are and how they must be responsible. Some of these young ones are getting ready to take their first steps into the real world in a month or so. They have to understand the importance of making the right choices when presented with behaviors that will compromise their futures. Standing strong against the crowd is brutal no doubt. But it's time for them to decide who they are... who they desire to be moving forward. One night of abandon could end tragically. This is no time to get wimpy parents... no time to let it be ok "just this once"... " kids will be kids"... "okay, just this once because it's the prom"... please don't take that stance. Take it once and your teen will remember it I assure you. They will remember the one time mom and dad said we'll let it slide and they will push the envelope at a later date.
Pray for the children my friends... pray for a safe prom season... pray over your child... give them the tools they need to make the right choices. God has so much for them to do, they are growing into the adults of the future. Send them forth with the right attitude, the right confidence in who they are...help them make the best possible decisions.
Blessings
Now I present to you for your consideration how much time as a parent have you put into communicating a message of safety and good choice to your teen prior to this big event. Have you broached the subject of alcohol, drugs and sex? If you haven't you need to... right away. It is imperative that your teen understand that just because this is a big event in their life doesn't mean all the rules fly out the window. They aren't being given a 'get out of jail free' card to do whatever they want to just because it's prom time. Right and wrong still exist... legal and illegal still exist... and peer pressure may be even greater during this season of festivities. What are you instilling into your young ones? Are you renting the limo "just in case"? There shouldn't be a just in case scenario. It is amazing to me how many limo driver's "allow" drinking etc. in their limo's when they know darn well the kids are under age. Once again we see other turning a blind eye... I ask what does that say to the young people of this country?
Parent sit them down and let them know what your expectation are and how they must be responsible. Some of these young ones are getting ready to take their first steps into the real world in a month or so. They have to understand the importance of making the right choices when presented with behaviors that will compromise their futures. Standing strong against the crowd is brutal no doubt. But it's time for them to decide who they are... who they desire to be moving forward. One night of abandon could end tragically. This is no time to get wimpy parents... no time to let it be ok "just this once"... " kids will be kids"... "okay, just this once because it's the prom"... please don't take that stance. Take it once and your teen will remember it I assure you. They will remember the one time mom and dad said we'll let it slide and they will push the envelope at a later date.
Pray for the children my friends... pray for a safe prom season... pray over your child... give them the tools they need to make the right choices. God has so much for them to do, they are growing into the adults of the future. Send them forth with the right attitude, the right confidence in who they are...help them make the best possible decisions.
Blessings
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
One Size Part 2
Let me say again for the record that AA/NA are great programs! Folks have a lot of success utilizing the 12 steps. The majority of outpatient and inpatient rehabs use the AA/NA steps for helping addicts get into recovery. Great rehabs out there as well. Angela spent time in numerous rehab programs, the problem was she wasn't ready to stop using drugs. During the tender teen years I was not surprised by that... even though we all wanted her to "recover" teens think they are indestructible.
One of the main issues she had when she returned to the real world was finding AA/NA groups that had other teens attending on a regular basis. She had a hard enough time being around other teens let alone going to meetings where for the most part she was the only teen in the group. Unfortunately, meeting attendance for her became a horrible issue and she flatly refused to attend. Of course part of her issue with the "meetings" were the accountability factor... she hated that part. But I must also state that couple that aspect along with her mental health and self esteem issues, I understand why it was so torturous for her.
That's one of the reason that I want to see BrokenButLoved be able to start teen meetings only... where teens can deal with their special issues and feel more comfortable addressing their drug use. This is something that I am currently working towards. Bringing teens into an environment where they feel more secure, with their own age group... I see that as a great resource.
See - not every addict responds to one single course of treatment for addiction. There is no cookie cutter stamped program. I have gone rounds with some counselors when I made mention of that... they don't want to hear such things. But folks it's true... some youth respond differently than others... some learn differently than others... why wouldn't it stand to reason that not all kids will respond positively to only a 12 step program. The 12 steps are awesome and necessary... but it's a lot for a teenager to take in... to process and then to apply.
Angela knew the 12 steps backward and forward... but could not... or would not apply them. Recovery from drug addiction is very difficult... but possible. It takes time... and effort... teens and effort... well sometimes those two words do not go together... especially when they consider themselves invincible.
No perfect program... but many great ones... when treating a teen bringing the very best of many programs may just be the best solution. Never give up... Love them... forgive them... hold them accountable... talk...talk...talk.
Blessings
One of the main issues she had when she returned to the real world was finding AA/NA groups that had other teens attending on a regular basis. She had a hard enough time being around other teens let alone going to meetings where for the most part she was the only teen in the group. Unfortunately, meeting attendance for her became a horrible issue and she flatly refused to attend. Of course part of her issue with the "meetings" were the accountability factor... she hated that part. But I must also state that couple that aspect along with her mental health and self esteem issues, I understand why it was so torturous for her.
That's one of the reason that I want to see BrokenButLoved be able to start teen meetings only... where teens can deal with their special issues and feel more comfortable addressing their drug use. This is something that I am currently working towards. Bringing teens into an environment where they feel more secure, with their own age group... I see that as a great resource.
See - not every addict responds to one single course of treatment for addiction. There is no cookie cutter stamped program. I have gone rounds with some counselors when I made mention of that... they don't want to hear such things. But folks it's true... some youth respond differently than others... some learn differently than others... why wouldn't it stand to reason that not all kids will respond positively to only a 12 step program. The 12 steps are awesome and necessary... but it's a lot for a teenager to take in... to process and then to apply.
Angela knew the 12 steps backward and forward... but could not... or would not apply them. Recovery from drug addiction is very difficult... but possible. It takes time... and effort... teens and effort... well sometimes those two words do not go together... especially when they consider themselves invincible.
No perfect program... but many great ones... when treating a teen bringing the very best of many programs may just be the best solution. Never give up... Love them... forgive them... hold them accountable... talk...talk...talk.
Blessings
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
One size? Part 1
It would be so nice if drug addiction recovery had one single solution. Unfortunately, in my opinion and experience there is no "cookie cutter solution" available. It simply is not a one size fits all world. The same goes for those suffering from drug addiction and looking for a way out, looking for a rehab program that is going to cure all their ills. The truth be told there just isn't "one perfect program" that works for everybody.
I find that tweens/teens/young twenty-somethings have all types of other things going on with them that many adult addicts no longer deal with... peer pressure, parental pressure, hormones etc. This particular group needs even more special attention. They haven't found their "voice" yet. They are still in the early stages of seeking to find out where they belong. They've already thrown drug/alcohol abuse in to the mix so their waters are even more muddied than they should be. So, is there a perfect rehab program for our younger generation?
AA/NA are great programs please don't think I am stating otherwise. The only issue I take with these programs is the "God as you know him" or "you higher power". I am not sure how you feel, when it comes to our young ones giving them the option to define for themselves God as you know him or a higher power is dangerous business. It's hard enough for adults to make that definition. Our young bucks... well imagine how them might choose their God to be defined? Imagine how leaninet God might be with them? Now... if you teach them about God, about Jesus, about the Holy Spirit and why and how they are connected and influence our lives... well then you actually lay a foundation for their spiritual growth. You help them truly define and understand God... or at least begin to understand. Only through their own personal walk will they truly attain God's grace and how it helps with recovery.
Tomorrow I will continue this thought process... until then
Blessings
I find that tweens/teens/young twenty-somethings have all types of other things going on with them that many adult addicts no longer deal with... peer pressure, parental pressure, hormones etc. This particular group needs even more special attention. They haven't found their "voice" yet. They are still in the early stages of seeking to find out where they belong. They've already thrown drug/alcohol abuse in to the mix so their waters are even more muddied than they should be. So, is there a perfect rehab program for our younger generation?
AA/NA are great programs please don't think I am stating otherwise. The only issue I take with these programs is the "God as you know him" or "you higher power". I am not sure how you feel, when it comes to our young ones giving them the option to define for themselves God as you know him or a higher power is dangerous business. It's hard enough for adults to make that definition. Our young bucks... well imagine how them might choose their God to be defined? Imagine how leaninet God might be with them? Now... if you teach them about God, about Jesus, about the Holy Spirit and why and how they are connected and influence our lives... well then you actually lay a foundation for their spiritual growth. You help them truly define and understand God... or at least begin to understand. Only through their own personal walk will they truly attain God's grace and how it helps with recovery.
Tomorrow I will continue this thought process... until then
Blessings
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
All that glitters
Angela liked things that sparkled. Anything that sparkled fascinated her from the time she was very small. Many parents out there have held a little one who was hypnotized with shining dangling ear rings, reaching out for them, grabbing on tightly whenever possible... Angela was no different... as she grew she her love for the sparkly things of life grew... glitter... glitter every where. Glitter for projects, glitter nail polish, glitter eye shadow... glittery dresses...how I miss those days.
One day her love for all that glittered was replaced with a sign on her door that said "All that glitters is NOT gold"... from that point on glitter lost its shine during the periods of her life when the lights went out and as heroin ruled the days and nights... as it extinguished what little light was left in my glitter gal... The crushing blow of drug use in our children deflates our own spirits... snuffs out the light within us. Relighting that flame feels impossible for the most part, but we continue the best we can, using our flashlights and wondering through the darkness looking for a way to save our child from the grips of drug use. There ought to be a parental safety switch right??? An emergency button we activate during worse case scenario's... and yet there is no such device. We are on our own.
How do you save someone who does not want to be saved... even if that someone is your child? You can't, plain and simply put, they have to want to save themselves. Now I am not saying that as parents we can't do every thing we possibly can to establish a process for healing. Yes, that we can do. We can establish boundaries, consequences to inappropriate actions and activities... that we can do... or at least attempt to do. Most importantly though, in my humble opinion is being fully present with them while they are struggling... help them learn how to process life and all that is happening to them. Love them, teach them... forgive them... so that when they are ready they know you are there for them. For most parents this process is long and excruciating... and patience wears thin... I get that, I totally understand, but do your very best to hang on even when you feel like throwing your hands in the air and saying "forget it...I'm done... you're on your own". When you feel like that pray... ask God to give you strength... re-assess the situation, regain your composure and keep going.
Remember... there is a great deal going on inside your young one right now... things you can't possibly know or even understand. Looking back...reading Angela's writings shed a great deal of light on those things... the places I couldn't reach...I am sharing one of her writing with you all...
Seven ~Angela M. Faus~
I don't hate you for what you are,
but for what you represent.
The happiness in your eyes,
isn't a lie,
the life that flows from you,
makes me want to cry.
because you're everything I want to be.
Somethings we as parents will never understand... I must go now and cry... I still do that you know... cry for yesterday... cry for all the tomorrows that will never come... cry for all those kids I can't reach and for all the parents I can't help.
Blessings
One day her love for all that glittered was replaced with a sign on her door that said "All that glitters is NOT gold"... from that point on glitter lost its shine during the periods of her life when the lights went out and as heroin ruled the days and nights... as it extinguished what little light was left in my glitter gal... The crushing blow of drug use in our children deflates our own spirits... snuffs out the light within us. Relighting that flame feels impossible for the most part, but we continue the best we can, using our flashlights and wondering through the darkness looking for a way to save our child from the grips of drug use. There ought to be a parental safety switch right??? An emergency button we activate during worse case scenario's... and yet there is no such device. We are on our own.
How do you save someone who does not want to be saved... even if that someone is your child? You can't, plain and simply put, they have to want to save themselves. Now I am not saying that as parents we can't do every thing we possibly can to establish a process for healing. Yes, that we can do. We can establish boundaries, consequences to inappropriate actions and activities... that we can do... or at least attempt to do. Most importantly though, in my humble opinion is being fully present with them while they are struggling... help them learn how to process life and all that is happening to them. Love them, teach them... forgive them... so that when they are ready they know you are there for them. For most parents this process is long and excruciating... and patience wears thin... I get that, I totally understand, but do your very best to hang on even when you feel like throwing your hands in the air and saying "forget it...I'm done... you're on your own". When you feel like that pray... ask God to give you strength... re-assess the situation, regain your composure and keep going.
Remember... there is a great deal going on inside your young one right now... things you can't possibly know or even understand. Looking back...reading Angela's writings shed a great deal of light on those things... the places I couldn't reach...I am sharing one of her writing with you all...
Seven ~Angela M. Faus~
I don't hate you for what you are,
but for what you represent.
The happiness in your eyes,
isn't a lie,
the life that flows from you,
makes me want to cry.
because you're everything I want to be.
Somethings we as parents will never understand... I must go now and cry... I still do that you know... cry for yesterday... cry for all the tomorrows that will never come... cry for all those kids I can't reach and for all the parents I can't help.
Blessings
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