When I was a teenager I pushed the envelope that's for sure. My parents set clear boundaries for me, but I was in truth a tad bit rebellious. I was an only child but believe me I wasn't as spoiled as one might believe. But I was head strong and determined to experience life. That said, when I was defiant and disobeyed the rules I was more than willing to take whatever consequences came my way. I missed many a school dance or sporting event because of my groundings. My parents never left me off early; though I did do some begging and pleading they stuck to their guns.
As a parent I was not very good at that - sticking to my guns. As a child my daughter was so well behaved. It wasn't very often that she needed a time out, or punishment of any kind. Of course the teenage years proved to be a very different story and I for one was not very well prepared. Looking back - one of my worst parental offense was the inability to stay the course with the consequences set forth from her "defiance". I strongly urge all parents, regardless of the age of your child to take this to heart. It is one of the most important lessons you can learn. The earlier you learn it, the better of everyone in your family will be.
In our particular situation I always began to feel sorry for Ang when she was in trouble. I know that I spent most of my life trying to make up for the pain of her young life and the voids that were left in the wake of others dirty deeds. That was my rationale. As good as my intentions may have been, the back lash was devastating. She did not learn to respect my authority and I often let her run rough shot over me. I urge you to consider your specific situation and rectify where necessary.
When consequences are rendered they need to be followed to the letter. Clearly define the consequence and course of action so that everyone has a true understanding of what is expected and stay the course. No matter what. No time off for good behavior. No giving in when you see they are bored or sad or angry. Guess what they are going to be bored, sad and angry. Punishment is not supposed to be fun. It is suppose to be a deterrent from repeating the unacceptable behavior. I guarantee, if you lose your backbone your child will use it to their advantage in the future. The media is constantly showing our youth how to scheme. While we are trying to teach responsibility, respect and good values our youth are hearing vulgarity, disrespect for authority and seeing violence as entertainment.
Drug and alcohol use in teens continues to climb. Our youth are experimenting earlier than ever with drugs, alcohol and sex. They are spending their time texting, instead of learning how to truly communicate with each other. Without strong boundaries, clear expectation and the willingness of parents to stay the course with the consequences of improper behavior it only further solidifies to our youth that more and more we live in a society where "anything goes". Is that what you want for your children?
Stay the course folks... take back your family...your children will respect you for lessons you teach them... after they get through the "I hate you for ruining my life" stage.
God Bless
Showing posts with label teens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teens. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Missing Piece
It is so very frustrating when a young one is stuck in an impossible living situation when they are trying to stay sober. Our system is not set up to deal with the in between situations that arise when a young addict does not deserve a lock-down environment and their current home life is not conducive to a positive recovery outcome. Many young people find themselves between a rock and a hard place when those that love them the most are entangled in issues that create torment and drama on a continual basis. This is not to say that the family doesn't love or support the addict themselves... the majority of the time they do... love them and want success for them. However, what happens to this struggling young one when they find themselves in this an atmosphere of adult issues that leave them urning for their drug of choice... simply to escape what they can not change and can not reconcile for themselves?
In order for an addict of any age to succeed in their recovery, they need to be in a positive, nurturing environment. One with clear boundaries of acceptable behavior, consequences and compassion. If they are constantly swept up, even on the peripheral in the drama and pain of others they are not free to work on the very reasons they turn to drugs in the first place. Where does that leave them? Hopelessly lost I am afraid. We are not set up to foster this lost group... it's either rehab or detention. If home isn't working... it's lock down... or yet another stint in rehab. Are either one truly appropriate for one that has been through the rehab program and desires recovery but finds themselves continually seeking refuge from the reality of their current situation. It seems to me that there should be something in between... a half way house of sorts where they are free to work on themselves... visit with their loved ones away from the eye of the storm. Able to love and be loved with out the drama...sadly... there is no such an animal available for those under the age of 18.
Perhaps we are missing a very important piece of the recovery process from our young ones. I will seek the Lord in prayer and hope that we find a way to stand in the gap for the struggling teen addict perhaps BrokenButLoved can be part of the solution.
Blessings
In order for an addict of any age to succeed in their recovery, they need to be in a positive, nurturing environment. One with clear boundaries of acceptable behavior, consequences and compassion. If they are constantly swept up, even on the peripheral in the drama and pain of others they are not free to work on the very reasons they turn to drugs in the first place. Where does that leave them? Hopelessly lost I am afraid. We are not set up to foster this lost group... it's either rehab or detention. If home isn't working... it's lock down... or yet another stint in rehab. Are either one truly appropriate for one that has been through the rehab program and desires recovery but finds themselves continually seeking refuge from the reality of their current situation. It seems to me that there should be something in between... a half way house of sorts where they are free to work on themselves... visit with their loved ones away from the eye of the storm. Able to love and be loved with out the drama...sadly... there is no such an animal available for those under the age of 18.
Perhaps we are missing a very important piece of the recovery process from our young ones. I will seek the Lord in prayer and hope that we find a way to stand in the gap for the struggling teen addict perhaps BrokenButLoved can be part of the solution.
Blessings
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tween Angst
The words of a young teens whose feelings are broken... take them to heart my friends... tweens and teens are feeling this way every day... every where...
The little black mini skirt
never looked quite right on me
sometimes I'd pretend
that was really me
I'd pretend that I was skinny
that I was buff, babely and blonde
that I was the head cheerleader
with the little outfits on
I'd pretend to be beautiful
like I was always number one
like I was a super model
with the glass slippers on
I'd pretend that I was popular
loved by everyone
that no one thought I was nerdy
no matter what I had on
Now I see the real me
and maybe it's not so bad
I didn't need the glass slippers
that I never even had
I didn't need to be
Like Cindy Crawford or Naomi
I don't have to pretend
cause I'm fine just being me
~~A. Faus~~~(copywrite protected)
Our young ones are constantly under the microscope within their own peer groups. Trying to fit in... was stress and pain it causes them. Parents do you best to really hear what your children are saying to you about how they see themselves... because they are using seeing themselves thru the eyes someone else.
God Bless
The little black mini skirt
never looked quite right on me
sometimes I'd pretend
that was really me
I'd pretend that I was skinny
that I was buff, babely and blonde
that I was the head cheerleader
with the little outfits on
I'd pretend to be beautiful
like I was always number one
like I was a super model
with the glass slippers on
I'd pretend that I was popular
loved by everyone
that no one thought I was nerdy
no matter what I had on
Now I see the real me
and maybe it's not so bad
I didn't need the glass slippers
that I never even had
I didn't need to be
Like Cindy Crawford or Naomi
I don't have to pretend
cause I'm fine just being me
~~A. Faus~~~(copywrite protected)
Our young ones are constantly under the microscope within their own peer groups. Trying to fit in... was stress and pain it causes them. Parents do you best to really hear what your children are saying to you about how they see themselves... because they are using seeing themselves thru the eyes someone else.
God Bless
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Unlovable
A short put powerful message - there are many times that as parents we look at our troubled child and don't like what we see... then we don't like how we feel. There is a huge difference between the love we feel for our children and whether or not we particularly like them in the moment. They must clearly understand that we love them no matter what... we also must be certain they clearly understand what behaviors we simply do not like. Don't beat around the bush with it... lay it on the line... a long, bold, glowing line!!! When a young one gets involved with drugs/alcohol we see them change before our eyes... we watch them become disrespectful, angry... at some points almost unlovable... when they are pushing you away... when you find that the feeling of love is covered in the thick fog of darkness remember these words...
The ability to love what appears to be unlovable
The ability to embrace the inner depth of what appears to be untouchable
This is a gift from God… endowed to you
These words came to me in prayer... God's gift to me in a moment of unbelievable stress and frustration... remember them.
God Bless!!!!
The ability to love what appears to be unlovable
The ability to embrace the inner depth of what appears to be untouchable
This is a gift from God… endowed to you
These words came to me in prayer... God's gift to me in a moment of unbelievable stress and frustration... remember them.
God Bless!!!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Middle School Trauma
March 1997 from Angela's diary... "S & J (names withheld) are mad at me again because I'm not girlie enough... H isn't talking to me right now either. Girls suck. Mom's happy right now. Me on the other hand thinks life sucks. To tell the truth I hate almost everything about life. There are times that I wish I could end it and go out like a real woman (gun)". My daughter wrote that at the age of 12!!! What makes a 12 year old feel this way??? My heart just breaks to write this...middle school years are horrible for alot of young ones.
In the entries prior to this she had been writing for weeks about off and on "friendships". It appears as though her circle of friends changed their minds about who they wanted to be friends with like they changed their socks. If you were a bit different... or not as skinny... of if you had a bad hair day could mean you are "out" of the club. My daughter was very sensitive and this crowd broke her heart over and over and over again. She wanted so desperately to fit in and she took the abuse. She smiled and hid the tears and pain... but inside she wanted to die. That's how devastated she had become. Young people need to be taught that their judgements, criticism, cruelty and abandonment can scar people for life. Some are not strong enough to overcome this... other will. My daughter developed her tough girl persona and pretended it was just fine with her. This is when her attitude began to change.
She no longer felt good about herself...she was no longer proud of the fact that she was smart... pretty and loving. It didn't matter if I told her how special and beautiful she was... I was her mom I 'had to say that'. The cruelty of the young... tweens and teens get crushed daily by the careless words and deeds of their peers. Many of them waiting for the day that someone else is on the chopping block and they are just forgotten by the masses which is equally dangerous. As parents we need to become more aware which side of the fence your children are on... and we must be able to accept if they are on the side that is giving out the punches to others. Watch your child, their reactions to others... the gossip they talk... how do they speak of the fellows peers? Do they speak kindly or do they always have some sort of "negative trash talk" to spread even about their "friends". If they do you as their parent need to teach them the right way to be a friend and the proper way to respect those that are not in their circle.
In a time when the world is fixed on issues of racism etc. (and I am not saying these are not important issues - they are) we show little concern for how are children treat each other across the board. Folks, I'm serious... don't chalk this off as teen age growing pains. That's crap. One of the biggest problems in this world today is the way we treat our fellow man. No we aren't going to like or befriend everyone. People are different... but respect every man... yes absolutely. Let's do our part to bring up a generation of kind, loving, respectful young people. Do your part... it's your job and it's a tough one no doubt.
Angela began her drug use the summer she wrote this entry... let's save other young ones from this feeling of inadequacy... step it up folks... monitor your young ones behavior. Pray for the children.
God bless..
In the entries prior to this she had been writing for weeks about off and on "friendships". It appears as though her circle of friends changed their minds about who they wanted to be friends with like they changed their socks. If you were a bit different... or not as skinny... of if you had a bad hair day could mean you are "out" of the club. My daughter was very sensitive and this crowd broke her heart over and over and over again. She wanted so desperately to fit in and she took the abuse. She smiled and hid the tears and pain... but inside she wanted to die. That's how devastated she had become. Young people need to be taught that their judgements, criticism, cruelty and abandonment can scar people for life. Some are not strong enough to overcome this... other will. My daughter developed her tough girl persona and pretended it was just fine with her. This is when her attitude began to change.
She no longer felt good about herself...she was no longer proud of the fact that she was smart... pretty and loving. It didn't matter if I told her how special and beautiful she was... I was her mom I 'had to say that'. The cruelty of the young... tweens and teens get crushed daily by the careless words and deeds of their peers. Many of them waiting for the day that someone else is on the chopping block and they are just forgotten by the masses which is equally dangerous. As parents we need to become more aware which side of the fence your children are on... and we must be able to accept if they are on the side that is giving out the punches to others. Watch your child, their reactions to others... the gossip they talk... how do they speak of the fellows peers? Do they speak kindly or do they always have some sort of "negative trash talk" to spread even about their "friends". If they do you as their parent need to teach them the right way to be a friend and the proper way to respect those that are not in their circle.
In a time when the world is fixed on issues of racism etc. (and I am not saying these are not important issues - they are) we show little concern for how are children treat each other across the board. Folks, I'm serious... don't chalk this off as teen age growing pains. That's crap. One of the biggest problems in this world today is the way we treat our fellow man. No we aren't going to like or befriend everyone. People are different... but respect every man... yes absolutely. Let's do our part to bring up a generation of kind, loving, respectful young people. Do your part... it's your job and it's a tough one no doubt.
Angela began her drug use the summer she wrote this entry... let's save other young ones from this feeling of inadequacy... step it up folks... monitor your young ones behavior. Pray for the children.
God bless..
Monday, May 3, 2010
Wee Ones
I often wonder when all the craziness began. I try to think back when we as parents became so busy trying to keep all the balls in the air. Do you remember when? My heart breaks when I hear how are wee ones are learning about life. Youngsters, just babes not understanding how to be kind to each other. Children learn nothing from screaming parents. They don't learn by process of osmosis... they need to be shown in word and deed how to play, how to interact, how to care about others... how to embrace the differences in others... how to accept and love themselves. As a collective group I feel we are all far to critical of each other across the board. Our wee ones suffer when we as adults don't connect with them one on one. We want them to grow up way too fast... to be little adults when they are merely children. As the adults we need to slow down and let them be little. Take the time to teach them, to lead them... it's our job folks. It doesn't matter how busy we are... how tired we are... how frustrated we may be with the world around us... we can not slack off here... it's far too important to their future.
Wee ones grow up to be teenagers... without direction and understanding... without clearly defined lessons of right and wrong... without being told they are special and loved where are they going to turn? These aren't lessons they can learn on the street folks... Drugs, alcohol, violence become far too appealing to teens that have no discipline and parental guidance.
Love them... teach them... lead them...
God Bless You
Wee ones grow up to be teenagers... without direction and understanding... without clearly defined lessons of right and wrong... without being told they are special and loved where are they going to turn? These aren't lessons they can learn on the street folks... Drugs, alcohol, violence become far too appealing to teens that have no discipline and parental guidance.
Love them... teach them... lead them...
God Bless You
Friday, April 30, 2010
Snap
This week I tried to impress upon a small group of young drug users how quickly life can end. The dynamics of this group was extremely diversified. Every single on of them said they were using drugs for fun. No one would admit they used for any other reason... okay perhaps that's true but the vibe in the room said otherwise. See I watch their eyes, their body language... I listen to the tone of their voices and their reaction to my discussion points. Teens often where their hearts on their sleeves and in this case they were all wearing clues. My heart aches for them and how I wish I could speak with each of them individually... perhaps BBL will raise enough money to be able to afford private office space some day and I will be able to really touch them... deeper... making more of an impact.
So there are pushing the envelope of drug use for fun. Fun? Okay I get that on some level because drugs feel good. I was young once... but these young ones have so many things to keep them entertained. Hmmm perhaps that why they use drugs to have fun. Maybe they have too many "things" and not enough opportunity to be truly young... using their imagination... their brain power in order to create amusement. Perhaps they are spending too much time in front of the TV or video games cooped up inside without the fresh air and sunshine.
Think of it... we as adults long to be out of the office and into the fresh air. Long weeks taking care of our adult business leave us hungry for sunshine to the point where driving home with the windows down is actually a treat for us. Maybe the youth of today need to feel the wind caressing their faces... they just don't know it. So for them sneaking out with their buds behind the garage in the back yard and getting high is their escape from the plugged in world they live in. My guess is they just don't understand that point. When was the last time you sent your kids out to rake or mow the yard? When was the last time their friends came over to shoot hoops in the driveway or hang out on the back porch with iced tea and snacks listening to music?
Life can be over with the snap of your fingers. Drug related deaths occur more often than you can imagine. Snap you fingers folks... right now... snap them... your child's life could be over just that quickly. Snap... snap... snap. I am not talking rice crispy type cereal here... I am talking about the very last breath of a young one. Just that quickly.
Pray for our children... they are all children of God!
Blessing
So there are pushing the envelope of drug use for fun. Fun? Okay I get that on some level because drugs feel good. I was young once... but these young ones have so many things to keep them entertained. Hmmm perhaps that why they use drugs to have fun. Maybe they have too many "things" and not enough opportunity to be truly young... using their imagination... their brain power in order to create amusement. Perhaps they are spending too much time in front of the TV or video games cooped up inside without the fresh air and sunshine.
Think of it... we as adults long to be out of the office and into the fresh air. Long weeks taking care of our adult business leave us hungry for sunshine to the point where driving home with the windows down is actually a treat for us. Maybe the youth of today need to feel the wind caressing their faces... they just don't know it. So for them sneaking out with their buds behind the garage in the back yard and getting high is their escape from the plugged in world they live in. My guess is they just don't understand that point. When was the last time you sent your kids out to rake or mow the yard? When was the last time their friends came over to shoot hoops in the driveway or hang out on the back porch with iced tea and snacks listening to music?
Life can be over with the snap of your fingers. Drug related deaths occur more often than you can imagine. Snap you fingers folks... right now... snap them... your child's life could be over just that quickly. Snap... snap... snap. I am not talking rice crispy type cereal here... I am talking about the very last breath of a young one. Just that quickly.
Pray for our children... they are all children of God!
Blessing
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
May 15 2010
May 15th is a very special day for BrokenButLoved. It is our first annual teen substance abuse awareness event and prayer vigil. This event is being held in Lancaster Square, Lancaster, PA across from Binn's Park from 5-7:30 pm. With the help of Christian rock band Thur Me, numerous speakers and a slew of volunteers we seek to spread Christ's love through music, speakers and prayer. We are losing teens every day to drug/alcohol use and it is up to each of us to take back our family unit - bring the focus back on family, faith and love. If you are in the area please stop by and support this very important cause. What could possibly be more important than our families, our community, our children?
Parents come out and bring your tweens and teens.... this is a free event... for all ages.
Visit our website www.brokenbutloved.org... find us on Facebook and Twitter...
Blessings
Parents come out and bring your tweens and teens.... this is a free event... for all ages.
Visit our website www.brokenbutloved.org... find us on Facebook and Twitter...
Blessings
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Prom Time
Yes prom time is upon us. So much preparation, the right dress, the right shoes, make sure we get our hair done just right.. and guys have to have the right "ride" and or course the corsage. Parents are usually involved in the whole preparation process with the exception of who our teen is actually going to the prom with this year. They manage that process all own their own. If you don't know your teens date then find out who they are... do some detective work folks it is important to know who your teen is spending this evening with...
Now I present to you for your consideration how much time as a parent have you put into communicating a message of safety and good choice to your teen prior to this big event. Have you broached the subject of alcohol, drugs and sex? If you haven't you need to... right away. It is imperative that your teen understand that just because this is a big event in their life doesn't mean all the rules fly out the window. They aren't being given a 'get out of jail free' card to do whatever they want to just because it's prom time. Right and wrong still exist... legal and illegal still exist... and peer pressure may be even greater during this season of festivities. What are you instilling into your young ones? Are you renting the limo "just in case"? There shouldn't be a just in case scenario. It is amazing to me how many limo driver's "allow" drinking etc. in their limo's when they know darn well the kids are under age. Once again we see other turning a blind eye... I ask what does that say to the young people of this country?
Parent sit them down and let them know what your expectation are and how they must be responsible. Some of these young ones are getting ready to take their first steps into the real world in a month or so. They have to understand the importance of making the right choices when presented with behaviors that will compromise their futures. Standing strong against the crowd is brutal no doubt. But it's time for them to decide who they are... who they desire to be moving forward. One night of abandon could end tragically. This is no time to get wimpy parents... no time to let it be ok "just this once"... " kids will be kids"... "okay, just this once because it's the prom"... please don't take that stance. Take it once and your teen will remember it I assure you. They will remember the one time mom and dad said we'll let it slide and they will push the envelope at a later date.
Pray for the children my friends... pray for a safe prom season... pray over your child... give them the tools they need to make the right choices. God has so much for them to do, they are growing into the adults of the future. Send them forth with the right attitude, the right confidence in who they are...help them make the best possible decisions.
Blessings
Now I present to you for your consideration how much time as a parent have you put into communicating a message of safety and good choice to your teen prior to this big event. Have you broached the subject of alcohol, drugs and sex? If you haven't you need to... right away. It is imperative that your teen understand that just because this is a big event in their life doesn't mean all the rules fly out the window. They aren't being given a 'get out of jail free' card to do whatever they want to just because it's prom time. Right and wrong still exist... legal and illegal still exist... and peer pressure may be even greater during this season of festivities. What are you instilling into your young ones? Are you renting the limo "just in case"? There shouldn't be a just in case scenario. It is amazing to me how many limo driver's "allow" drinking etc. in their limo's when they know darn well the kids are under age. Once again we see other turning a blind eye... I ask what does that say to the young people of this country?
Parent sit them down and let them know what your expectation are and how they must be responsible. Some of these young ones are getting ready to take their first steps into the real world in a month or so. They have to understand the importance of making the right choices when presented with behaviors that will compromise their futures. Standing strong against the crowd is brutal no doubt. But it's time for them to decide who they are... who they desire to be moving forward. One night of abandon could end tragically. This is no time to get wimpy parents... no time to let it be ok "just this once"... " kids will be kids"... "okay, just this once because it's the prom"... please don't take that stance. Take it once and your teen will remember it I assure you. They will remember the one time mom and dad said we'll let it slide and they will push the envelope at a later date.
Pray for the children my friends... pray for a safe prom season... pray over your child... give them the tools they need to make the right choices. God has so much for them to do, they are growing into the adults of the future. Send them forth with the right attitude, the right confidence in who they are...help them make the best possible decisions.
Blessings
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
One Size Part 2
Let me say again for the record that AA/NA are great programs! Folks have a lot of success utilizing the 12 steps. The majority of outpatient and inpatient rehabs use the AA/NA steps for helping addicts get into recovery. Great rehabs out there as well. Angela spent time in numerous rehab programs, the problem was she wasn't ready to stop using drugs. During the tender teen years I was not surprised by that... even though we all wanted her to "recover" teens think they are indestructible.
One of the main issues she had when she returned to the real world was finding AA/NA groups that had other teens attending on a regular basis. She had a hard enough time being around other teens let alone going to meetings where for the most part she was the only teen in the group. Unfortunately, meeting attendance for her became a horrible issue and she flatly refused to attend. Of course part of her issue with the "meetings" were the accountability factor... she hated that part. But I must also state that couple that aspect along with her mental health and self esteem issues, I understand why it was so torturous for her.
That's one of the reason that I want to see BrokenButLoved be able to start teen meetings only... where teens can deal with their special issues and feel more comfortable addressing their drug use. This is something that I am currently working towards. Bringing teens into an environment where they feel more secure, with their own age group... I see that as a great resource.
See - not every addict responds to one single course of treatment for addiction. There is no cookie cutter stamped program. I have gone rounds with some counselors when I made mention of that... they don't want to hear such things. But folks it's true... some youth respond differently than others... some learn differently than others... why wouldn't it stand to reason that not all kids will respond positively to only a 12 step program. The 12 steps are awesome and necessary... but it's a lot for a teenager to take in... to process and then to apply.
Angela knew the 12 steps backward and forward... but could not... or would not apply them. Recovery from drug addiction is very difficult... but possible. It takes time... and effort... teens and effort... well sometimes those two words do not go together... especially when they consider themselves invincible.
No perfect program... but many great ones... when treating a teen bringing the very best of many programs may just be the best solution. Never give up... Love them... forgive them... hold them accountable... talk...talk...talk.
Blessings
One of the main issues she had when she returned to the real world was finding AA/NA groups that had other teens attending on a regular basis. She had a hard enough time being around other teens let alone going to meetings where for the most part she was the only teen in the group. Unfortunately, meeting attendance for her became a horrible issue and she flatly refused to attend. Of course part of her issue with the "meetings" were the accountability factor... she hated that part. But I must also state that couple that aspect along with her mental health and self esteem issues, I understand why it was so torturous for her.
That's one of the reason that I want to see BrokenButLoved be able to start teen meetings only... where teens can deal with their special issues and feel more comfortable addressing their drug use. This is something that I am currently working towards. Bringing teens into an environment where they feel more secure, with their own age group... I see that as a great resource.
See - not every addict responds to one single course of treatment for addiction. There is no cookie cutter stamped program. I have gone rounds with some counselors when I made mention of that... they don't want to hear such things. But folks it's true... some youth respond differently than others... some learn differently than others... why wouldn't it stand to reason that not all kids will respond positively to only a 12 step program. The 12 steps are awesome and necessary... but it's a lot for a teenager to take in... to process and then to apply.
Angela knew the 12 steps backward and forward... but could not... or would not apply them. Recovery from drug addiction is very difficult... but possible. It takes time... and effort... teens and effort... well sometimes those two words do not go together... especially when they consider themselves invincible.
No perfect program... but many great ones... when treating a teen bringing the very best of many programs may just be the best solution. Never give up... Love them... forgive them... hold them accountable... talk...talk...talk.
Blessings
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
One size? Part 1
It would be so nice if drug addiction recovery had one single solution. Unfortunately, in my opinion and experience there is no "cookie cutter solution" available. It simply is not a one size fits all world. The same goes for those suffering from drug addiction and looking for a way out, looking for a rehab program that is going to cure all their ills. The truth be told there just isn't "one perfect program" that works for everybody.
I find that tweens/teens/young twenty-somethings have all types of other things going on with them that many adult addicts no longer deal with... peer pressure, parental pressure, hormones etc. This particular group needs even more special attention. They haven't found their "voice" yet. They are still in the early stages of seeking to find out where they belong. They've already thrown drug/alcohol abuse in to the mix so their waters are even more muddied than they should be. So, is there a perfect rehab program for our younger generation?
AA/NA are great programs please don't think I am stating otherwise. The only issue I take with these programs is the "God as you know him" or "you higher power". I am not sure how you feel, when it comes to our young ones giving them the option to define for themselves God as you know him or a higher power is dangerous business. It's hard enough for adults to make that definition. Our young bucks... well imagine how them might choose their God to be defined? Imagine how leaninet God might be with them? Now... if you teach them about God, about Jesus, about the Holy Spirit and why and how they are connected and influence our lives... well then you actually lay a foundation for their spiritual growth. You help them truly define and understand God... or at least begin to understand. Only through their own personal walk will they truly attain God's grace and how it helps with recovery.
Tomorrow I will continue this thought process... until then
Blessings
I find that tweens/teens/young twenty-somethings have all types of other things going on with them that many adult addicts no longer deal with... peer pressure, parental pressure, hormones etc. This particular group needs even more special attention. They haven't found their "voice" yet. They are still in the early stages of seeking to find out where they belong. They've already thrown drug/alcohol abuse in to the mix so their waters are even more muddied than they should be. So, is there a perfect rehab program for our younger generation?
AA/NA are great programs please don't think I am stating otherwise. The only issue I take with these programs is the "God as you know him" or "you higher power". I am not sure how you feel, when it comes to our young ones giving them the option to define for themselves God as you know him or a higher power is dangerous business. It's hard enough for adults to make that definition. Our young bucks... well imagine how them might choose their God to be defined? Imagine how leaninet God might be with them? Now... if you teach them about God, about Jesus, about the Holy Spirit and why and how they are connected and influence our lives... well then you actually lay a foundation for their spiritual growth. You help them truly define and understand God... or at least begin to understand. Only through their own personal walk will they truly attain God's grace and how it helps with recovery.
Tomorrow I will continue this thought process... until then
Blessings
Friday, April 9, 2010
Guilt
Anger has reared its ugly head, fear has left you shaken... hold on because the biggest monster of all is about to shattered everything you ever thought you knew about yourself. Here comes guilt... guilt is relentless. Guilt is like a weed, you think you have gotten rid of it only to see it's found its way back into the garden that is your mind. It's roots are deep and rugged...
My kid is using drugs? Where did I go wrong? How could I have let this happen? I missed something... yes I must have... what was it? Was it working all those hours to make ends meet? I mean I was still at every baseball game even if I was dead tired. Maybe its when I stopped packing lunches... yes that's it... no wait... it must be the car... that driver's license, new friends, struggling in school, depression... the divorce... stop. Just stop... because you are thinking so rapidly you aren't digesting anything... just stop before it's completely out of control. Too late huh? It only takes a split second until guilt has spread through your entire parental lobe and into your heart which is now so heavy you can barely stand to be alive.
During Angela's addiction I can't begin to tell you how many times I said "what did I do? If you loved me you'd stop..." and she would reply "Mom this isn't about you... not everything is about you". I was the King Kong of guilt. I had a laundry list of ways that I had failed as a parent. I stomped around holding that list in my hand crushing my own heart just like they were buildings... the way a good monster should. I was convinced for a very long time that I was the sole reason she used drugs. Guess what, there were so many factors that led to her use of drugs... so many.
Kids begin to use drugs for various reasons and I know you know them... pain, boredom, fun, anxiety, abuse, peer pressure, low self-esteem etc... you know the list. And yes sometimes as I stated before parents are actively involved with doing drugs with their kids. Sometimes it is true that irresponsible parenting leaves our young ones with no guidance, no boundaries and way too much time on their hands.
Here's the thing, if you - as the parent are honest with yourself then you know whether or not you have lived up to your parental responsibilities. There is no book on parenting... no rules to the game... but if you can seek inside your heart and say "I've done the very best I can"... then guilt has no place in this new equation. If you have blatantly harmed your child through abuse, abandonment etc... than you need to take stock - put the blame away and atone...
Assuming that you have done your personal best then take a long hard look at what is driving these feelings of guilt. Absorb them, feel them, don't deny it because if you do it will return with the vengeance of a firestorm from Hell. Look at your guilt, study it... think it through... then let it go. Let it go but remember that any little insecurities you have, any parental "slip-ups" will be used by your child against you when they are confronted. Yes - your child/tween/teen will do that to you... when young ones are on the defensive their attacks are brutal. So be prepared, be very prepared.
That is why it is so important for you to check your anger, fear and guilt at the door before you approach your teen about the issue at hand. Everything and anything that you have ever done "to them" becomes a weapon. It's not that they don't love you - it's that their secret is out and their only recourse is to defend themselves.
Ang said to me one time "Mom you scarred me for life when you made me wear colored socks that match my outfit in 3rd grade". At the time I broke my heart... how could I do that to her... then I realized in the big picture... hello??? Colored socks? She pulled at my heart strings numerous times with that one... if that's the worse thing I did as a single parent then so be it.
So put the guilt away (remember you may have to lock it up numerous times during this journey)... focus on the child, you have already studied all your reasons for feeling guilty. Don't waste time going in circles within yourself... just focus on them and how to get this situation under control. Think, breath... think... focus... time to talk. Time to sit down and talk.
Be blessed!
My kid is using drugs? Where did I go wrong? How could I have let this happen? I missed something... yes I must have... what was it? Was it working all those hours to make ends meet? I mean I was still at every baseball game even if I was dead tired. Maybe its when I stopped packing lunches... yes that's it... no wait... it must be the car... that driver's license, new friends, struggling in school, depression... the divorce... stop. Just stop... because you are thinking so rapidly you aren't digesting anything... just stop before it's completely out of control. Too late huh? It only takes a split second until guilt has spread through your entire parental lobe and into your heart which is now so heavy you can barely stand to be alive.
During Angela's addiction I can't begin to tell you how many times I said "what did I do? If you loved me you'd stop..." and she would reply "Mom this isn't about you... not everything is about you". I was the King Kong of guilt. I had a laundry list of ways that I had failed as a parent. I stomped around holding that list in my hand crushing my own heart just like they were buildings... the way a good monster should. I was convinced for a very long time that I was the sole reason she used drugs. Guess what, there were so many factors that led to her use of drugs... so many.
Kids begin to use drugs for various reasons and I know you know them... pain, boredom, fun, anxiety, abuse, peer pressure, low self-esteem etc... you know the list. And yes sometimes as I stated before parents are actively involved with doing drugs with their kids. Sometimes it is true that irresponsible parenting leaves our young ones with no guidance, no boundaries and way too much time on their hands.
Here's the thing, if you - as the parent are honest with yourself then you know whether or not you have lived up to your parental responsibilities. There is no book on parenting... no rules to the game... but if you can seek inside your heart and say "I've done the very best I can"... then guilt has no place in this new equation. If you have blatantly harmed your child through abuse, abandonment etc... than you need to take stock - put the blame away and atone...
Assuming that you have done your personal best then take a long hard look at what is driving these feelings of guilt. Absorb them, feel them, don't deny it because if you do it will return with the vengeance of a firestorm from Hell. Look at your guilt, study it... think it through... then let it go. Let it go but remember that any little insecurities you have, any parental "slip-ups" will be used by your child against you when they are confronted. Yes - your child/tween/teen will do that to you... when young ones are on the defensive their attacks are brutal. So be prepared, be very prepared.
That is why it is so important for you to check your anger, fear and guilt at the door before you approach your teen about the issue at hand. Everything and anything that you have ever done "to them" becomes a weapon. It's not that they don't love you - it's that their secret is out and their only recourse is to defend themselves.
Ang said to me one time "Mom you scarred me for life when you made me wear colored socks that match my outfit in 3rd grade". At the time I broke my heart... how could I do that to her... then I realized in the big picture... hello??? Colored socks? She pulled at my heart strings numerous times with that one... if that's the worse thing I did as a single parent then so be it.
So put the guilt away (remember you may have to lock it up numerous times during this journey)... focus on the child, you have already studied all your reasons for feeling guilty. Don't waste time going in circles within yourself... just focus on them and how to get this situation under control. Think, breath... think... focus... time to talk. Time to sit down and talk.
Be blessed!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Fear
So, the anger is subsiding... and the parental lobe is shifting into second gear and you are full of fear. Fearful you should be because drugs on any level is pulls your child into a danger zone unknown to you prior to this experience.
What kinds of drugs are they using? How long have they been using? Why? Why? Why? How introduced them to drugs, where are they getting them, where are they using them? Your mind is racing as well it should be, think it through. Think about their recent behavior patterns. Have they changed? When did they change? Are they talking about new friends? Are they talking at all?
Drugs and alcohol use in tweens/teens is even more dangerous if they are mixing it up a bit. Please don't be soothed if you find out that marijuana is their drug of choice. I can't stress enough that minimizing the use of marijuana makes the drug even more dangerous. Does that make sense to you? Think about it for a moment. Whenever we as human minimize the risk of anything in life we may possibly find it creeping into our lives and out of control.
Your young one isn't going to get the fear issue. At their young age they feel they are invincable. They will let you know quickly that you are blowing this way out of proportion and this is no big deal. You may hear "this is the first time I ever tried this stuff"... don't buy it folks. It is very unusal for a parent to catch them in the act the very first time. I am not surprised by the reaction I get from parents that their child just started using... I was once in that spot, in denial. I understand it completely. Denial protects us as parents from knowing more than we care to know. But the quicker you get over the denial issue the better off you and your young one will be.
Denial kills. It kills relationships, it kills addicts... it kills our young ones as well. Face your fear and process it... think it through... figure on the worse case scenario. How will you handle it? Think of the best case scenario...is there one? Yes there can be because hopefully you have been alerted to the drug use in its early stages.
It is important that you do not allow yourself to be frozen by fear. Take a deep breathe, think it through. Expect the best outcome but prepare for the worse one. Again, you must own your fear, feel it and put it away. I have never experience a good response from my daughter when I approached the situation being motivated by anger or fear. So while your fears are justified do not let them consume you. Think it through... parents talk it out and prepare for the next phase.
God bless you... look to God and pray for wisdom.
What kinds of drugs are they using? How long have they been using? Why? Why? Why? How introduced them to drugs, where are they getting them, where are they using them? Your mind is racing as well it should be, think it through. Think about their recent behavior patterns. Have they changed? When did they change? Are they talking about new friends? Are they talking at all?
Drugs and alcohol use in tweens/teens is even more dangerous if they are mixing it up a bit. Please don't be soothed if you find out that marijuana is their drug of choice. I can't stress enough that minimizing the use of marijuana makes the drug even more dangerous. Does that make sense to you? Think about it for a moment. Whenever we as human minimize the risk of anything in life we may possibly find it creeping into our lives and out of control.
Your young one isn't going to get the fear issue. At their young age they feel they are invincable. They will let you know quickly that you are blowing this way out of proportion and this is no big deal. You may hear "this is the first time I ever tried this stuff"... don't buy it folks. It is very unusal for a parent to catch them in the act the very first time. I am not surprised by the reaction I get from parents that their child just started using... I was once in that spot, in denial. I understand it completely. Denial protects us as parents from knowing more than we care to know. But the quicker you get over the denial issue the better off you and your young one will be.
Denial kills. It kills relationships, it kills addicts... it kills our young ones as well. Face your fear and process it... think it through... figure on the worse case scenario. How will you handle it? Think of the best case scenario...is there one? Yes there can be because hopefully you have been alerted to the drug use in its early stages.
It is important that you do not allow yourself to be frozen by fear. Take a deep breathe, think it through. Expect the best outcome but prepare for the worse one. Again, you must own your fear, feel it and put it away. I have never experience a good response from my daughter when I approached the situation being motivated by anger or fear. So while your fears are justified do not let them consume you. Think it through... parents talk it out and prepare for the next phase.
God bless you... look to God and pray for wisdom.
Monday, February 22, 2010
A new day
When young people embrace the use of drugs/alcohol for whatever reason they lose a part of themselves. Looking back on my daughters early drug years I remember clearly the changes in her. The defensive attitude, the deepening resentment she had about who she was, the rebellion against authority - she believed she found her independence when in truth she was becoming more dependent than ever. Teens will argue that they know exactly what they are doing and that they are in control of every situation. The more substance abuse - the more defiant they become. Why? Because the drugs become their comfort, their friend, the only thing they believe makes them a better person. More desirable to others and themselves. Drugs allow them to "be who they are", to "feel good", to "laugh", to "speak their minds"... drugs... yes drugs give them all this courage they might not have had before. False courage... but they don't see it that way at all.
In my small groups the majority of teens really believe the lie of independence they speak so openly about. It matters not to them that they are in trouble with the law. Why should it? It will be wiped away when they are adults, this is their time to do as they please with little consequence. Drugs feel good... the law - it doesn't apply to them and "laws are meant to be broken - right"? When I hear how casually they take their life situation it breaks my heart. But my daughter was the same way, in her case it was all about killing the pain. Why deal with life when you can erase it for a while.
How I wish I could go back and this time utilize all that I have learned since her death. Parents, hear me when I say this... learn from others around you, if not from me... then someone else who has been there and back. Boundaries, rules, consequences... important, important, important... ask for help if you need it. Teach them to love who they are... show them what is special about them!! Check yourself, your reactions - what foundation are you setting in place for your children?
Blessings
In my small groups the majority of teens really believe the lie of independence they speak so openly about. It matters not to them that they are in trouble with the law. Why should it? It will be wiped away when they are adults, this is their time to do as they please with little consequence. Drugs feel good... the law - it doesn't apply to them and "laws are meant to be broken - right"? When I hear how casually they take their life situation it breaks my heart. But my daughter was the same way, in her case it was all about killing the pain. Why deal with life when you can erase it for a while.
How I wish I could go back and this time utilize all that I have learned since her death. Parents, hear me when I say this... learn from others around you, if not from me... then someone else who has been there and back. Boundaries, rules, consequences... important, important, important... ask for help if you need it. Teach them to love who they are... show them what is special about them!! Check yourself, your reactions - what foundation are you setting in place for your children?
Blessings
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Where were your children last night?
Do you know where your children were last night, what they were doing and who they were doing it with?? I'm talking about all your children... all ages. What were your younger children doing? Were they watching TV, playing video games... or were they reading, coloring, using their imaginations? Were they spending quality time with you and perhaps their siblings? Your "tweens" and teens who were they spending their Saturday night with? Were they active? Were they passive? Were they partying? Do you know, did you check on them? Did you call other parents? Do you even know the parents of your tweens and teens? Too many questions for a Sunday morning? Perhaps, but they are all pertinent questions, all of them need review.
It used to be that parents knew each other. Mothers and fathers would talk among themselves... keeping track of their children's activities. These days were lucky to know our neighbors by their first name. There are parents out there that justify allowing alcohol to be consumed in their home in the "name of safety"... 'if they are drinking here and staying here then we know they are safe'. That my friends is a bunch of hogwash and is totally irresponsible parenting. There is no justification for allowing children to break the law. The law was put in place for a reason, adults need to lead by example! Allow them to break one law and they will push to break another or develop the attitudes that rules don't apply to me - they apply to everyone else not me!
I am amazed at how many parents are actually doing drugs with their kids. What is that about? How can they justify their actions? I cannot imagine how they can allow their children to follow down a destructive path such as this but it is becoming more and more of a problem. School districts are finding it harder and harder to reach out to these youths because parents will not allow intervention. Very, very sad state of affairs.
Okay, take stock... where do you stand on these issues. What example do you want to set for all your children?
Your younger children... are you spending quality time with them? Do they have an electronic babysitter? Are you allowing them to use their imagination in their play? Are they watching your behavior and learning positive things from you. Good communication... personal interaction... faith in God... how to make a positive difference in the world.
Your tweens and teens... do they know you are watching them? Are they left to their own devices when setting boundaries for right and wrong? Let them know you are their parents not their friends... let them know you care enough to check up on them and monitor their behavior, actions and reactions...teach them faith, give them a foundation, give them strong roots so that they can stretch their wings without fear.
Let your entire family know you love them... teach them well. Learn from my weaknesses... learn...
Blessings
It used to be that parents knew each other. Mothers and fathers would talk among themselves... keeping track of their children's activities. These days were lucky to know our neighbors by their first name. There are parents out there that justify allowing alcohol to be consumed in their home in the "name of safety"... 'if they are drinking here and staying here then we know they are safe'. That my friends is a bunch of hogwash and is totally irresponsible parenting. There is no justification for allowing children to break the law. The law was put in place for a reason, adults need to lead by example! Allow them to break one law and they will push to break another or develop the attitudes that rules don't apply to me - they apply to everyone else not me!
I am amazed at how many parents are actually doing drugs with their kids. What is that about? How can they justify their actions? I cannot imagine how they can allow their children to follow down a destructive path such as this but it is becoming more and more of a problem. School districts are finding it harder and harder to reach out to these youths because parents will not allow intervention. Very, very sad state of affairs.
Okay, take stock... where do you stand on these issues. What example do you want to set for all your children?
Your younger children... are you spending quality time with them? Do they have an electronic babysitter? Are you allowing them to use their imagination in their play? Are they watching your behavior and learning positive things from you. Good communication... personal interaction... faith in God... how to make a positive difference in the world.
Your tweens and teens... do they know you are watching them? Are they left to their own devices when setting boundaries for right and wrong? Let them know you are their parents not their friends... let them know you care enough to check up on them and monitor their behavior, actions and reactions...teach them faith, give them a foundation, give them strong roots so that they can stretch their wings without fear.
Let your entire family know you love them... teach them well. Learn from my weaknesses... learn...
Blessings
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Tough kids vs. Strong kids
I remember when Angela was little I used to remark "what a tough little girl" she was, she had been through so much. He birth father walked away from her at the age of three. She was never lacking from love though, mom and I did everything we could to surround her with love and friends. Mom and Dad had separated as well so grammy and grampy weren't the solid foundation she once had in her life. But as a child she seemed resilient and was happy and loving and playful. Ang always had a smile and a hug for everyone. She was smart as a whip, loved to learn and was ahead of her time. This tough little girl began to fade as she entered middle school and all the pain came to the surface... here's the point.
I have learned the hard way the difference between raising a tough kid and a strong one. I urge you not to make the same mistakes I made in assuming they are one and the same because that is far from the truth.
Tough kids...as they grow up often become more hardened in their nature. As a troubled teenagers Ang took on the persona of a gangster chick. Showing herself as "hard core tough". Rough around the edges, she could handle anything baby... just watch me - I can kick your butt... the outside persona she created was much different from the scared little girl that was crying out inside her. In private she was frail and child-like needing to wear the mask of a tough girl just to be part of the outside world.
When you raise a child to be tough, they sometimes perceive that as being a bully, teasing others in order to flex their muscles. Often being the leaders of their clique making it known to others that they are just not the "right" kind of person for their group. The problem with tough is that they never learn how to draw strength, how to become strong in their character. They don't develop the skills they need to be part of all that lies ahead of them in adulthood. Tough will only get you so far; limiting their growth and potential. It seems I raised a tough kid who never really learned to draw of God's love to give her strength. She never realized her power, never owned who God intended her to become and that my friends is just sad.
Teaching children to find strength is showing them how to believe in who they are without stepping on anyone else in the process. God gives each of us all we need to be all He wants us to be. As parents it is our job to help them find out where their strengths lie and help them develop them. It is our duty to lead these little blessings from God down the path that teaches them to love themselves and those around them. To teach them patience, faith, kindness... to give them a solid foundation on which to gather strength in times of trouble. To build a character which is true to itself which shows its "strength" through positive actions and reactions to life.
Are using raising a tough child or a strong child? I urge you to consider this carefully. Teens often turn to drugs and alcohol to make themselves "stronger", to cope with pain and boredom. This is a false strength and a false security which leads them down a path of negative actions and reactions. I know - I've watched the destruction and I live with the pain of losing my precious gift from God.
Blessings
I have learned the hard way the difference between raising a tough kid and a strong one. I urge you not to make the same mistakes I made in assuming they are one and the same because that is far from the truth.
Tough kids...as they grow up often become more hardened in their nature. As a troubled teenagers Ang took on the persona of a gangster chick. Showing herself as "hard core tough". Rough around the edges, she could handle anything baby... just watch me - I can kick your butt... the outside persona she created was much different from the scared little girl that was crying out inside her. In private she was frail and child-like needing to wear the mask of a tough girl just to be part of the outside world.
When you raise a child to be tough, they sometimes perceive that as being a bully, teasing others in order to flex their muscles. Often being the leaders of their clique making it known to others that they are just not the "right" kind of person for their group. The problem with tough is that they never learn how to draw strength, how to become strong in their character. They don't develop the skills they need to be part of all that lies ahead of them in adulthood. Tough will only get you so far; limiting their growth and potential. It seems I raised a tough kid who never really learned to draw of God's love to give her strength. She never realized her power, never owned who God intended her to become and that my friends is just sad.
Teaching children to find strength is showing them how to believe in who they are without stepping on anyone else in the process. God gives each of us all we need to be all He wants us to be. As parents it is our job to help them find out where their strengths lie and help them develop them. It is our duty to lead these little blessings from God down the path that teaches them to love themselves and those around them. To teach them patience, faith, kindness... to give them a solid foundation on which to gather strength in times of trouble. To build a character which is true to itself which shows its "strength" through positive actions and reactions to life.
Are using raising a tough child or a strong child? I urge you to consider this carefully. Teens often turn to drugs and alcohol to make themselves "stronger", to cope with pain and boredom. This is a false strength and a false security which leads them down a path of negative actions and reactions. I know - I've watched the destruction and I live with the pain of losing my precious gift from God.
Blessings
Friday, February 19, 2010
Horray & Thank You
A big loving thank you to MGYSGT Nicholson, Ret. of North Carolina for being the first to donate to the BrokenButLoved cause... Taking Action Against Teen Substance Abuse. Thank you first and foremost to your dedication and service to our country as a US Marine and then secondly (but just as importantly) for your continued dedication to serving our country by helping to support organizations like BrokenButLoved that are trying to help the youth of our republic. God Bless you...
Want to help visit www.brokenbutloved.org for information where you can send your private donation. BBL is a 501 (c) 3 registered nonprofit organization.
Blessings everyone!
Want to help visit www.brokenbutloved.org for information where you can send your private donation. BBL is a 501 (c) 3 registered nonprofit organization.
Blessings everyone!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
We are broken people
We are all broken people, in some way. Teens seem to have more than their share of folks pointing out to them just how broken they are and not enough folks showing them how special they are. Trying to fit in to the right "crowd", to gain popularity somewhere within their generation is a constant looming necessity for them. All it takes is one little thing for them to be cast out or voted out of whatever group they fit in to... that is with the exception of those who are drugging and drinking. As long as you have money or trade you can stay.
I remember my daughter's pre-drug years. She was in the "smart and popular" crowd. Going to all the right social engagements, being seen with all the "right" girls and guys. All it took was one show of her own thoughts separate from theirs and she was cast aside like a chewing gum wrapper. Not only cast aside but then ridiculed to top it off - making sure the "world" knew she no longer "fit in" with the "chosen few".
This was devastating to her and looking back I did not do enough as a parent to help her regain her self esteem. We need to be mindful as adults of what our young people are going through on any given day. Are we present for them? Are we lifting them up every single day? Are we watching their moods closely? Are we just chalking everything up to "growing pains"? Big mistake folks... we need to be watching, monitoring and then gently steering them back to center. Back to looking at how special they are within themselves. We need to be teaching them the coping skills they need to find their way, to find out who they are and what they can accomplish, how to lead...how to stand for something.
It sadness my heart to see how fragile friendship has become in the last 20 years. Young people aren't sure how to be a good friend, how to stay a good friend. They are uncertain of how to be who they are when everyone around them is trying so hard to be somebody else.
Blessings
I remember my daughter's pre-drug years. She was in the "smart and popular" crowd. Going to all the right social engagements, being seen with all the "right" girls and guys. All it took was one show of her own thoughts separate from theirs and she was cast aside like a chewing gum wrapper. Not only cast aside but then ridiculed to top it off - making sure the "world" knew she no longer "fit in" with the "chosen few".
This was devastating to her and looking back I did not do enough as a parent to help her regain her self esteem. We need to be mindful as adults of what our young people are going through on any given day. Are we present for them? Are we lifting them up every single day? Are we watching their moods closely? Are we just chalking everything up to "growing pains"? Big mistake folks... we need to be watching, monitoring and then gently steering them back to center. Back to looking at how special they are within themselves. We need to be teaching them the coping skills they need to find their way, to find out who they are and what they can accomplish, how to lead...how to stand for something.
It sadness my heart to see how fragile friendship has become in the last 20 years. Young people aren't sure how to be a good friend, how to stay a good friend. They are uncertain of how to be who they are when everyone around them is trying so hard to be somebody else.
Blessings
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Life Well Spent
How do we define a life well spent? As I meet with teens on a regular basis and talk about their drug and alcohol use it occurs to me that their understanding of how what they do today effects their future is either non-existent or irrelavent. I try so hard to help them comprehend the ripple effect of their youthful drug use and how very often is carries over into adulthood. This generation know nothing of moderation - everything is extreme. It's an all or nothing generation and they take it quite literally.
Teens need to see the results of a life well spent in those who come in contact with them on a daily basis. Family, teachers...adults who set an example of excellence not perfection... excellence. Mistakes are a part of life they are expected. It is how the adults in their life help them process those mistakes and learn to make better choices that leads them to strive for excellence in themselves.
Teach them to forgive... others and themselves... by setting the right example.
Blessings
Teens need to see the results of a life well spent in those who come in contact with them on a daily basis. Family, teachers...adults who set an example of excellence not perfection... excellence. Mistakes are a part of life they are expected. It is how the adults in their life help them process those mistakes and learn to make better choices that leads them to strive for excellence in themselves.
Teach them to forgive... others and themselves... by setting the right example.
Blessings
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Current State of US Affairs
Believe it or not teens are very plugged into what is going on in our world today. They understand the tension over job loss, healthcare reform and the earthquake devastation in Haiti. They may not appear to even realize what is going on around them but they know... they are paying more attention than you realize. Part of the issue is they have become a bit desensitized to devastation due to video games, music and TV, more so than previous generations. How confusing it must be to be partly desensitized and partly emotionally distraught over the state of the world today. Are we listening to our youth? I'm listening... speak to me... talk to me... tell me what's on your mind. Talk to me about why you are turning to drugs and alcohol to elevate your stress and boredom. Let's work together and find a way to get your proactively involved in your life and the life of your community... your country.
Parents are you actively listening to your child of all ages? Are you fully present with them during conversations or is your mind worrying about something else? As parents we've all been there trying to listen and yet our mind is "wandering" off into worry-land. Please - be with them... only them... what they have to say and how they say it is more important then you'll ever know.
Blessings,
contactus@brokenbutloved.org
Parents are you actively listening to your child of all ages? Are you fully present with them during conversations or is your mind worrying about something else? As parents we've all been there trying to listen and yet our mind is "wandering" off into worry-land. Please - be with them... only them... what they have to say and how they say it is more important then you'll ever know.
Blessings,
contactus@brokenbutloved.org
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